Papas keep stepping on landmines when it comes to my father. I grew up in a wealthy family, but my father was a second-generation heir who didn’t work and spent most of his income having fun. At the time, he earned 5 million yen a month, putting 1 million into the household and spending 4 million on entertainment.
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He completely neglected the family and constantly chased women, which caused my mother to become mentally unwell. As a result of everything that happened, I also became mentally unwell, repeatedly struggled with bingeing and purging, and considered suicide many times. My mental health problems and the fact that I’m doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) now are all because of my father.
When I’m seeing papas, I sometimes have opportunities to talk about my father. Naturally, I mention his affairs too. But since these papas are also cheating, they say things like, “I feel sorry for your father,” or “You don’t have to speak so harshly about him,” as if they’re defending him. It makes me furious. Their behavior destroyed our family, left both my mother and me mentally unwell, and I’m still struggling with an eating disorder.
My family only fell apart because we happened to find out about the affair. If these papas were found out, their families would fall apart too.
I’m angry at papas who try to justify the fact that they’re cheating.
Is cheating really that common and accepted?
I understand that my position could potentially damage the papas’ families, but I don’t believe this papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is by any means right. I’m seeing papas purely for the money.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
It’s not something you should take for granted. I think cheating is a terrible thing.
Maybe you’ve just had the bad luck of getting involved with a papa (a male supporter) who’s emotionally weak and needs to make excuses to justify his relationship to himself.
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I don’t understand.
Why follow the same path when you despise it?
And why is doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) your father’s fault?
I understand that you need money. But if you hate cheating and believe papa-katsu isn’t right, then why not quit papa-katsu, stop looking at those sites altogether, work a regular job, and stay true to pure love?
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Just like in your family, Marika, my papa (a male supporter) openly cheated too. My mom hated it, but she still received money from him.
Neither my mom nor I suffered mentally, and we don’t have anorexia or binge-eating disorder. We understand that men are simply creatures who cheat.
Do you really think it only happens in your family? Once you include affairs with amateurs, sex workers, and women in the nightlife industry, every man is cheating.
It’s nothing special.
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My father cheated too, but our family didn’t fall apart, and I don’t have an eating disorder.
If you ask whether cheating is just something that happens, I suppose it is.
When I was in my late twenties and most of my friends were still unmarried, I remember that all of them had married men on the side.
Marika
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I’m sure you’ve been through a lot.
Even if your mental health issues were caused by your father, I don’t think your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is your papa’s fault.
Maybe you want people to say yes to everything you say, but from an outside perspective, that’s how it comes across.
I feel like you need to break away from it at some point.
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You may have been through some painful experiences, but if that’s the case, why did you become the one cheating?
If it’s about money, you could simply get another job. And if you hate it that much, I think you should quit.
Telling your papas that people who cheat are awful isn’t going to get through to them. That’s why they signed up with a dating club in the first place.
For your own sake, I think it’s better not to bring this subject up with your papas anymore.
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First of all, thank you for taking the time to write such a long question. Do you feel at least a little better after getting it all off your chest? I think this is a place not only for asking questions, but also for letting your feelings out, so I hope it helped you feel a bit calmer.
Unfortunately, we can’t choose our fathers. I understand that there are a certain number of people in this world who aren’t fit to be parents. Joe may be one of them.
Even so, your father is a separate person from you, and you have no choice but to go on living your own life. I think what you need to do now is face your current situation. Even if your father’s wrongdoing was the root of all your problems, I feel that as long as you blame everything solely on that, even problems that could improve may not get better. What do you think?
By the way, to Joe, a toxic father is someone who contributes absolutely nothing financially to the household. I know several people like that.
So, why not try doing something right, even if it seems minor to you? I’m sure you have all kinds of circumstances, but I don’t feel that putting out solely for money is good for you. Though I’m hardly in a position to say that.
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It must have been painful, but you need to choose carefully who you talk to, or you’ll only end up hurting yourself more.
I understand that you blame your father, but you’ve put yourself in the very situation—or among the very people—you once hated.
It’s not that your papa (a male supporter) is stepping on a landmine. You’re making him step on one, and you’re stepping on them too.
—Akari
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This is a world where cheating is the norm, so if you’re asking whether it’s normal, then yes, it is.
Rather than the papas stepping on a landmine, I think you may be the one leading them into it.
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