The man I’ve been seeing regularly for about six months is in his 50s, but if money weren’t involved, we never would have even met, let alone done anything like that. Yet he asked me, with a pretty serious look on his face, “You seem to be enjoying yourself, and if we’re both satisfied, would it be okay if I stopped giving you an allowance from next time?” I was momentarily speechless. I put on an enjoyable performance as an extra in exchange for a fairly substantial amount, so even if he was joking, it was way too unfunny. But I quickly replied, “It’s true that I’d like to see you even without an allowance, but then I couldn’t pay my tuition, and I’d have to work during this time, so we wouldn’t be able to meet anymore~ ;;” That smoothed things over, so it’s fine, but I was honestly shocked because no one had ever said anything like that to me before... His face looked completely serious, so I don’t know whether he was genuinely trying to see me without an allowance or just joking. Does this kind of thing happen often? Even if you meet through a dating club, do people start getting the wrong idea as time goes by?
I think the way you handled it was excellent.
Men complain that they dislike women who are all about money, yet they don’t seem to realize that asking, “Would you be okay without an allowance?” makes them the most money-minded men of all.
A woman trying to get a larger allowance and a man trying to reduce the allowance are ultimately driven by the same motivation…
> “Do they start getting the wrong idea as time goes by?”
Yes. I think they get the wrong idea because you handle things almost too well.
You’ll probably encounter more men like this in the future, so it may be necessary to remind them of reality tactfully from time to time.
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You’re handling him well. That’s the way to do it.
Just saying, “I really do want to see you even without an allowance,” should be more than enough to get your money’s worth.
You can keep slowly milking him in that lukewarm bath of harmless lies. As long as he doesn’t find out, he’ll stay happy. I think you’re doing a good thing.
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Please allow me to confess, swallowing my shame.
Despite meeting her through Universe Club, I have, on one occasion, failed to give her an allowance. I deeply regret it now.
At the time, while some relationships were purely about taking money without exception, I had presumptuously decided that, like the questioner’s papa (a male supporter), our relationship had gone “beyond money.”
You probably won’t understand, but when you’re seeing someone without really treating the allowance as a given, you start wanting to forget that the relationship is fundamentally financial—the very premise of the club.
The present-day Joe is truly remorseful. So, questioner, please be generous and let it slide just this once.
That said, your reply was absolutely perfect. Including the sentiment, “I want to see you so much that I’d do it even without an allowance,” earns a full 100 points. Diane Tsuda would surely have responded with, “I hereby give you a Sue!” At the very least, he might even have shouted, “Goi-goi Sue!”
My only concern is that, because you included those words, your papa may still be dreaming. If he says it a second time, splash him with cold water and wake him up. Even then, however, it may be best not to tell him your deepest, truest feelings.
Wishing you a peaceful relationship.
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As time goes by, it’s easy to get the wrong idea, but normally, you’re expected to pay. In an age-gap relationship, not contributing financially is actually more embarrassing. I think a lot of wealthy men in their late 40s and early 50s feel that way.
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That was handled wonderfully. I think a lot of women are dealing with similar situations. This is a textbook example of how to resolve things amicably.
Unfortunately, there are many men like him. They probably just assume that since the woman is benefiting too, they can do whatever they want.
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As everyone else has said, you must be an excellent actress. That’s probably why he thinks he’s the one making you feel good. It sounds like he wants you to become friends with benefits.
At the very least, I’d like him to say something like, “I’ve come to like you as a person, not just as someone I’m dating, so let’s have a relationship without an allowance.” Even then, though, it wouldn’t really work since your relationship is based on an allowance…
If he really doesn’t give you an allowance next time, I think you should either say goodbye or ask him to increase it!
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This is definitely a case where you can coldly tell him, “Go make a fortune, wash your face, and come back.”
It’s the opposite—the complete opposite. If the physical chemistry is good, increasing the allowance is the only reasonable option.
It’s always the guys who can’t do their jobs—or make any money—who say things like that. What a pain.
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You’re good at this, so you’ve clearly managed to make him fall for you. Well done.
If there really are men who say things like that, their heads must be full of miso—they’ve been played way too many times. I doubt there are many guys like that, though.
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That man may feel uncomfortable with the idea of having to pay an allowance in order to date someone.
I see papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as existing somewhere between prostitution and being a mistress.
When someone is a mistress, the man generally supports her in various ways, including housing and living expenses.
papa-katsu doesn’t go that far.
But whether things eventually develop into a mistress-type relationship or something closer to a romantic relationship without an allowance depends on the two people involved.
Many men in their 40s and 50s who do this are also fans of *部長島耕作* (Section Chief Kōsaku Shima). In other words, they want to be the suave older guy who can still attract young women at any age.
It sounds like you made this man mistake himself for Kōsaku Shima.
I think your response to him was perfect. You clearly have all the makings of a great mistress, haha.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
Maybe you were just too good at acting（笑). Rather than choosing between being cold and being lovey-dovey, you should learn to adjust the balance somewhere in between.
There are experienced men who are good at drawing that line. But ultimately, I think that falls under adult entertainment in the broad sense. They’re able to keep their feelings under control within the bounds of reason. But many people aren’t like that. In a sense, dating clubs are also a place for people like them. And I don’t think falling for someone is the same thing. Besides, it has nothing to do with an age gap. It can even happen between a human and a dog, right? It’s like how other people might find it creepy when someone talks to their pet Chihuahua in a cutesy voice. So you shouldn’t reject or否定 your partner.
I think adjusting that balance is fine as part of the act, up to a point. Once you go beyond that, give them just a brief glimpse of what’s behind the performance. Then go back to acting. They can remain in the world of the performance while knowing there’s something backstage. If you show them backstage and stay there yourself, you can’t keep the game going, right? That’s why you do things this way. Refining these techniques is what it means to be truly skilled. It may feel restrictive if you don’t know how, but once you do, it should simply become “something to deal with.”
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