I’m a woman in my late 30s. I had a child with someone I was previously in an affair with, and I’m raising the child. But I can’t bring myself to love them. I’m sorry for being a bad parent.
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I can’t raise my child with affection, and sometimes I find myself thinking that I wish I had never had them.
They’re becoming more and more cheeky and losing what little charm they had, and I’m worried about what lies ahead. They’re not good-looking, either. Maybe I could have tried harder to raise them if they had at least been attractive. I wish children could get cosmetic surgery, too.
I ended the affair, but I still receive child support.
But it isn’t enough.
The emotional strain is overwhelming.
People here sometimes casually say that they want to have and raise a child with someone they’re having an affair with. What do you think is going through their minds?
Do all of you genuinely feel glad that you had children with your wives? Honestly, don’t you ever feel that they’re in the way?
These days, I can’t help thinking that having children is neither enjoyable nor fulfilling—it’s the worst kind of labor imaginable.
Is this because the other parent was someone I was having an affair with? Or is there something wrong with my character?
You gave birth to them, didn’t you? Most of their cells are the same as yours.
I would die for my child at any time…
If you have a child with someone you’re having an affair with, there’s a possibility that you and the man may eventually part ways, so please think it through carefully.
My daughter went to her boyfriend’s place, and I completely broke down. Just thinking about it makes me so sad and lonely that I cry by myself.
Everyone feels differently, but please cherish your child. Your child is your only ally, and they have no one but you. Please love and care for them.
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I think the person asking the question probably dislikes children.
If I were in the same position, I’d say I would take custody of the child myself. I wouldn’t start talking about who gets custody or anything like that.
Though I suppose I may feel that way partly because I’m single…
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Anyone in the same situation should make sure they receive plenty of child support. This is what can happen when the amount is too small.
When I got divorced, I paid over ¥100 million.
Either endure it and raise the child until they’re 18, or, if you can’t take it anymore, the child might be happier growing up in foster care than being abused. Consult the child guidance center.
Not all parents love their children. It can’t be helped.
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If you have the money, your only option may be to outsource various tasks so you’re not under so much stress.
Though reducing your stress isn’t just for your sake—it’s for your child’s sake, too.
Raising children has always been hard work, not a form of entertainment. And no matter what age they are, children come with their own set of challenges.
If you become so overwhelmed that you feel you might hurt or neglect your child, I think you should consult a child guidance center or a similar service—for your child’s protection, and so you don’t end up becoming a criminal.
Marika
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“This is probably what people mean when they say the child is not to blame…”
At least you’re receiving child support, aren’t you? And you were the one who decided to have the child, so please take responsibility and raise them.
I don’t know how old you are now, but the years when children are little pass in the blink of an eye. Even if you later regret not spending more time together or not showing them more affection, you can’t turn back the clock.
Your child will pick up on your feelings, so why not try to find things you like about them or think are cute?
There are people raising their children through much tougher circumstances because they don’t receive any child support at all.
So you’re still fortunate. Try to keep that in mind, and do your best to enjoy spending time with your child!
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