I stayed overnight with a papa in his 50s last week.
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He’s very kind and a lovely person, but his snoring was so loud that I couldn’t sleep at all…
(I was on my period, so we didn’t have an adult relationship. The only allowance I received was 1 for transportation.)
He’s asking me to go on another overnight trip at the end of the month, but I want to turn him down. How should I tell him?
Also, I never asked about the allowance for staying overnight—or the allowance for an adult relationship—and I feel like it’s too late and awkward to bring it up now. But I think I need to confirm the terms…
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
As Flag Maker also points out, why not ask him to book two rooms because your snoring is so loud?
Since you describe him as kind, this assumes he’s the type of papa (a male supporter) who won’t get upset if you mention the snoring, though…
You should discuss the allowance thoroughly in advance. Trying to negotiate various things afterward makes me think you’re being too naive.
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Don’t do that. Just because he’s kind doesn’t mean you should let yourself get swept along.
Isn’t it standard to agree on the allowance beforehand before having an adult relationship (intimate)? You’ll regret it later.
It’s different if you’re turning it into a romantic relationship, though.
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I’d like to turn him down, but how should I say it?
You could ask, “How much would the allowance be?” Then, regardless of the amount he offers, reply with something like:
“I think I’ll pass this time.”
He’ll probably ask why, and even if you say the allowance doesn’t meet your expectations, he may respond, “That’s pretty standard,” or ask, “How much would be acceptable?”
You could then ask, “How much are you able to offer?” and steer the conversation toward something like:
“It seems my expectations are too high, so would you be open to seeing each other without overnight stays from now on?”
That said, it sounds like the allowance for non-overnight meetings would be low too. So once you find a better papa, I think you should end things with this man.
Until then, it’s probably best to keep things going smoothly.
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I’d heard from more experienced people that booking two separate rooms makes things more comfortable for both of you, so when I stayed over recently for the first time in a while, I booked two rooms for the first time.
It was so much easier. Having separate rooms to sleep in is definitely more comfortable.
It made me think that staying over might actually be an option.
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Some men say that a lady shouldn’t be too insistent about the allowance, but if you don’t negotiate it beforehand, you’ll often end up with people pulling something like this—an overnight stay for just “1,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. So make sure to discuss it in advance. How rude.
Wasn’t the arrangement supposed to be 1 for an adult relationship (intimate)? Or did he misunderstand and think 1 was enough simply because there was no adult relationship, despite keeping you for so many hours?
When you reply, why not say, “For an adult relationship, I would appreciate it if we could agree on ○. Thank you.” If he doesn’t respond, he may have been planning to pay only 1.
You’re not doing volunteer work.
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If he had you stay overnight but only gave you 1, he’s probably not a Ghosn (adult relationship, pay-per-meeting 5), but rather a Sanshiro (adult relationship, pay-per-meeting 3–4).
You’d at least want to land the Ghosn deal, so it might be worth telling him that you’re hoping for 5 for an adult relationship.
You could also gently turn down overnight stays by saying, “I was so nervous that I couldn’t sleep at all…”—and try to get papa (a male supporter) to offer more than 5 on his own.
Since you’re already negotiating from behind, it’ll probably be a tough discussion, but good luck getting as much as you can—even if it’s just 1 more!
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First, as you said, I think you should confirm the allowance.
Even without an adult relationship (intimate), would a papa (a male supporter) really have you stay overnight and only cover the cost of dinner? He must be very fond of you.
I don’t do overnight stays, so I never stay over, but… if I were staying with a papa who snored terribly, I might put up with it for one night. Of course, I’d still make sure I received my allowance.
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