This is very long, so I’d be happy if you could read it when you have the time.
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My papa (a male supporter) tells me things like, “Out of all the girls I see, I like you the best, ○-chan (you). You’re cute. I’ll buy you □□ next time.” But that’s where it ends.
Before Christmas, my papa told me he would buy me a bracelet as a Christmas present. I was so happy, and I felt that I should give him a present too. So I bought new underwear in his favorite color, as well as my first slip, just for that day.
(I had seen an answer in the Q&A saying that it was better for Christmas presents not to be things that remain.)
But my papa seemed to have completely forgotten about the bracelet, and there was nothing particularly Christmas-like about our date either.
I was happy that he liked my present, but I can’t get over the fact that I didn’t receive a present from him. If he never intended to give me one, I wish he hadn’t gotten my hopes up.
I can’t ask, “What happened to that bracelet?” because I’d sound like I was begging, and I don’t want him to think I’m a woman who keeps complaining about things that happened in the past. So I’ve just been left feeling unsettled.
Now he’s telling me again, “I like you. You’re cute. I’ll buy you □□ next time.”
I wish I could say, “So when are we going shopping for it?” but I can’t because I’m afraid I’ll sound too eager, and it’s stressing me out.
He’s a professional papa with lots of girls, so lately I’ve started to suspect that he says these things to keep me happy, knowing that I’m the type who can’t bring it up myself.
Still, because he really did buy me jewelry once, I get carried away even though somewhere deep down I know he probably won’t buy me anything again.
You might think, “Just cut off a papa who only makes empty promises!” But even though I don’t have romantic feelings for him, he listens to me and we can laugh together. He’s a wonderful papa, and my one and only, so I can’t bring myself to say goodbye.
I tell myself, “Next time we meet, I’m definitely going to bring up the □□! I want △△, so I’ll ask him, ‘Would you choose it with me?’”
I spend a whole week psyching myself up, but once the date arrives, I completely forget about it and end up regretting it on the train home.
I’m so sorry this turned out so long.
To sum it up:
How can a kind papa with a low rate of following through on his promises and a college girl who is too timid to be assertive and ends up expecting things from him continue their relationship harmoniously?
> What should I do?
I think you should leave things as they are.
You may feel frustrated and dissatisfied, but it seems like the man actually likes you the way you are.
When your dissatisfaction is about to boil over, he may suddenly realize it and buy you an accessory.
Other than that, though, I get the impression that he simply forgets what he said.
But if it’s still bothering you, I think you should arrange to meet somewhere that sells the item he said he would buy for you.
Something like, “You said before that you’d buy me this—it looks like they sell it at this store.”
I can’t say how he’ll take it, but if he does buy it for you, I think you should show exaggerated excitement right there on the spot.
Even if he had been thinking that he wouldn’t see a woman who asks him for things again, seeing how happy you are might reset that impression.
If you can make him think, “I’m glad I gave her that present,”
then there’s a good chance your arrangement will continue after that.
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I think the important thing is that you’re enjoying yourself.
But unfortunately, that man is seeing plenty of other women too, and he’s all talk. I don’t think you need to get serious about him.
Why not look for someone else as well? I feel like he’s making a fool of you…
Improve your profile and start seeing two or three other men. It’ll help take your mind off things.
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Ultimately, he’s all talk, but maybe he really does mean it at the time.
It’s best not to get your hopes up.
He may genuinely have just forgotten, so you could try saying something like, “When are we going to get that bracelet you mentioned the other day?”
Either way, it’s all in how you say it. Just make sure it doesn’t come across as sarcastic.
Marika
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That’s a good question.
> Even if I spend a whole week convincing myself to stay strong, once the date actually comes around, I completely forget all about it and end up regretting it on the train home.
I really understand how you feel.
From your question, he does seem like a papa (a male supporter) who talks a little too freely, but overall, the relationship sounds pretty good to me.
Next time, why not take advantage of an event or opportunity and make your move early on, treating it like a bit of fun or a game?
He may have forgotten who he said what to, so you might need to do a little checking. Have fun with it while watching how he responds.
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Based on the question, I feel like the only option is to lower your expectations.
Saying, “You’re number one compared with the other girls,” may sound like a compliment at first, but it also subtly implies that there are plenty of other women.
If he really didn’t want to lose you, he’d probably lie and say, “You’re the only one.”
But he won’t even do that, and he won’t buy you the bracelet either… He’s just a carefree papa (a male supporter) who isn’t thinking about anything.
Getting your hopes up will only make things harder, so maybe you should find something—or someone else—to focus on, whether that’s another papa, a boyfriend, or, worst-case scenario, a friends-with-benefits partner. Become independent and make your papa think, “Huh? She seems different from before.”
That said, doing so could also risk him cutting you off, so staying with things as they are is another possible choice.
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I understand so much that it feels like you’re talking about me.
I know logically that since we’re receiving an allowance, we should just use it to buy the things we want. And I also understand that it probably isn’t right to ask too much of our papa (male supporter).
But when he says, “I’ll buy you a present,” you can’t help getting your hopes up, right? Even if part of you thinks you might not actually get anything, the expectation becomes stronger, and then you end up feeling betrayed…
I think the best thing is not to expect anything beyond the allowance you’re already receiving. But that’s easier said than done.
Sorry, this probably wasn’t much of an answer.
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