I had plans to meet P today, but he canceled three days ago, saying he wasn’t feeling well. After that, a friend invited me out to dinner, so I’m planning to go tonight.
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P messaged me this morning saying he’d call tonight, but I already had dinner plans with a friend, and I have work tomorrow, so I replied that tonight wouldn’t work. (I can’t do daytime either because I’ll be at work.)
Then he sent me an angry message saying, “It’s too soon for you to have made new plans. Didn’t you make those plans from the beginning, intending to break your promise to me? And even if that’s not the case, if you can’t meet, don’t you at least feel like calling as a way of making it up to me?”
I was surprised because it never occurred to me to call someone who was feeling unwell. I’ve never double-booked myself, canceled at the last minute, or even been late. I don’t understand why he would suspect me, and I find it unpleasant.
Besides, he was the one who canceled, so why should I have to be considerate of him or make it up to him? (If this were a monthly arrangement, that might be included in the allowance, but since ours is pay-per-meeting, it bothers me even more.) Three days is plenty of time for new plans to come up, depending on the timing.
I’ve been feeling bothered about this since this morning. Since I can’t accept his attitude in this situation, I’m planning to skip the call with P and go to dinner with my friend as planned.
Do you think I’m in the wrong here?
I know P isn’t someone I particularly like, and that I could simply say goodbye if we’re not compatible. But if I’m actually in the wrong, I want to correct my behavior, or I’ll keep running into this kind of trouble in the future. I’d appreciate your honest feedback.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Aya, you’re amazing. You’re still so young, yet your answer is spot-on.
If it were me, I’d block them right away. I really should take a page from your book…
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The man is the one behaving strangely. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
That said, you probably need to decide how you want to handle things with him going forward.
Even if his way of thinking is a little odd or he’s being selfish, if you still want to receive an allowance, you may need to take the initiative and call him yourself—for example, briefly before meeting a friend or while you’re on the way somewhere.
But if you feel you can’t continue seeing someone like this, it’s also perfectly fine to end things by saying something like:
“You canceled on your own, and I can’t forgive that. I’m ending our relationship. Please don’t contact me again.”
Then you can go your separate ways.
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Like everyone else has said, this papa (a male supporter) seems pretty out of touch.
I can totally understand how you feel. If he’s this off-base, it probably won’t stop with this incident—something similar is bound to happen sooner or later. Even if you deal with him normally, he seems like the type to self-destruct anyway lol.
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Is the pay-per-meeting allowance generous? If you’re receiving a decent amount, you could also think of “sincerely apologizing and keeping papa happy” as part of the fee.
If he’s a papa you’d like to keep seeing, I’d just call him out of the blue.
Right before you’re supposed to meet a friend, call while walking around and sounding deliberately rushed as you get ready:
“I’m really sorry about today (>_<)
I was lonely because I couldn’t see you, and being alone was hard. A friend who’d been asking me to hang out said they were free today, so we suddenly made plans, and I’m just about to get on the train. I’m really sorry. I had to get ready in a hurry, and I’m already at the platform. I’m tired from running around.
I’d be really sad if you suspected me in a situation like this. If you’re going to doubt me that much, I might start doubting you too, you know?? It would hurt to wonder whether you’re really feeling unwell… (;_;)”
If you pour out your honest feelings like that, the power of a phone call will probably convince him.
If you don’t want to go that far, just email:
“I was really shocked that you didn’t believe me.”
Then stop responding. If he doesn’t apologize, cut off that person to avoid.
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That’s annoying〜.
If he doesn’t trust you when you say you made plans to meet a friend afterward, I wouldn’t see him again.
If he came back to apologize with a gift worth about two allowances, I might consider it.
You’re not in the wrong, but if you’d be in trouble if you couldn’t continue seeing him, you shouldn’t act the way I did.
You should at least say, “I’m sorry.”
As for when to call him, discuss it with your papa (a male supporter).
Aya-san seems like she’d be good at handling this sort of thing.
She’d probably find a way to make your papa feel bad, put you in the stronger position, and keep the arrangement going. She might even use this opportunity to negotiate a higher allowance.
People as short-tempered as me really shouldn’t do this.
Marika
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He sounds like a very self-centered papa (a male supporter). Since he was the one who canceled, I don’t think you need to worry about it. You’re free to spend that time with whoever you want and do whatever you want.
If he had said, “We couldn’t meet, so I canceled, but I’ll call you and still give you your allowance,” then it would be up to you to decide.
I don’t think you did anything wrong.
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As written, unless I’m mistaken, he’s a controlling idiot of a papa (a male supporter) who says:
“You’re going to meet other guys, aren’t you? I’ll keep tabs on you.”
And if it’s not a pay-per-meeting allowance of 170,000 yen, write:
“You’re the one who canceled. Are you senile already? I don’t have time to waste on phone calls with an old man’s filthy voice. Just die already, soul and all.”
Then block him.
Aya’s take is spot-on. As expected of Aya.
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If the man canceled but still expects you to be available during the time he canceled, that’s just selfish. He’s the one who should be making it up to you, lol.
I think it’s completely understandable that you felt uncomfortable about it.
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