Is 20,000 yen for dinner only too much? She initially asked for 30,000.
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I know it varies from person to person, but what would be considered reasonable by market standards?
She said anything more intimate would be at least 100,000 yen.
I’m 49, and she’s a beautiful 23-year-old woman.
I suppose it’s only natural since we’re not exactly an equal match.
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If she can make the date enjoyable even with dinner only, I’ll pay 30,000 or even 50,000 yen. But if it isn’t enjoyable, I’ll flip the table in my head.
Once she becomes a regular, if our date happens to coincide with her period, for example, I’ll still pay the adult-relationship allowance even if we only have dinner, so I’ll give her 100,000 yen or more for dinner only.
In my case, I don’t ask what allowance she wants. I tell her upfront, right at the start of our first date. I feel that asking a woman to name her price isn’t very manly.
Unless she’s pushy like the woman in the question, most women just get shy and name the lowest amount they can think of when you ask what they want. I end up feeling sorry for them.
Embarrassing yourself is the papa’s job, so I’ll say something like, “Dinner is 30,000 yen, and an adult relationship is 120,000 yen,” before we start the dinner date, and then let her decide whether I’m worth it.
By the way, I feel that A-type girls deserve at least 30,000 yen for dinner, so I might give 30,000 yen for two hours, 50,000 yen for four hours, or 80,000–100,000 yen for a full-day date.
But it’s obvious that an adult relationship involves less time commitment, so the woman will sometimes bring it up herself.
She’ll shyly ask, “If this relationship develops further, what would it look like?”
It’s incredibly cute.
P.S. Since we’re all just hopeless, unpopular old guys, let’s get along, haha.
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I don’t know the going rates, but once there’s a relationship of trust, I’d give 20,000 or 30,000 yen for meals from the second meeting onward.
After all, it would be unfair to have her take the time to come out for just 10,000 yen.
But if she asks for 20,000 or 30,000 yen when we haven’t built any trust yet, I’d cut things off immediately. I mean, seriously, is she taking the world for a fool?
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Rather than trying to find out the going rate, decide how much you’d like to meet each month and your maximum monthly budget, then divide that amount by the number of monthly meetings you want. That will give you your rate.
There’s no need to force yourself to match what other people are offering.
Note: If it’s too low, there may not be a next time. Please understand.
☆ For dinner only, wouldn’t 1 be fine?
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Club arrangements are built on mutual agreement. There’s no fixed going rate.
Rather than worrying about the “going rate,” you should decide based on whether you can continue the relationship under mutually agreeable terms, taking finances, emotions, and everything else into account. Let’s stop letting the “going rate” dictate things.
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I think there are two types of women who ask for a high allowance.
One type is women who have previously dated someone for a high allowance. (Women who ask for a lot for dinner dates tend to fall into this category.)
The other type is women who are genuinely new to this and don’t want to sell themselves short.
If she’s the former, I’ll say goodbye right away. But if she’s the latter, I sometimes think it may be worth trying it once at the amount she wants.
Either way, the basic rule is that both people should agree on the allowance before entering into an arrangement.
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I’m Taro.
Mac’s answer was really enlightening! I had no idea chabudai was written as “卓袱台”! For a second, I thought it said “table tennis table” (with the Beijing Olympics coming up and all) lol.
As for your question, there’s no standard rate since it varies from person to person, so ultimately I think it’s something you should decide for yourself. Personally, though, I would turn her down. I’m looking for women through a dating club who are open to an adult relationship (intimate). Of course, I also need there to be something beyond just the physical side, but I’m not looking for a purely platonic relationship where that physical side isn’t there. If that’s what I wanted, I could simply be kind to an attractive woman at work or in my everyday life and build a good relationship with her.
If she’s a Type B or A—interested, but unable to make up her mind—I’m willing to meet for dinner only (no intimacy). I don’t want to pressure her, so I would still give her an allowance. But normally, I think the same amount as the transportation fee for the first meeting—up to 10,000 yen—is enough. The question is, what’s the basis for her asking for 30,000 yen? Maybe someone put the idea in her head, or maybe she’s fundamentally mistaken, but even if things progress to an adult relationship (intimate), the allowance issue is bound to come up. It might be quicker to offer to meet another woman and start over. Though even 10,000 yen adds up if you keep meeting several times（笑）.
People are basically irrational creatures, so any decision is valid, but if you think about it rationally, I’d say it comes down to the balance I described above.
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I don’t think there’s really a set market rate, so as long as both people are comfortable with the amount, anything goes.
If you feel you can’t pay that person 20,000 yen for dinner, then it probably means you’re not a good match. On the other hand, if you meet someone you absolutely don’t want anyone else to take, you might be willing to pay 30,000 yen.
So I think you should go with someone you genuinely want to meet and whose allowance you can afford without straining yourself. It’s not really about whether the amount is “fair” or not.
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Dinner only for 2 isn’t particularly generous, but I don’t like women quoting figures like 3 or 2 themselves. It makes me not want to meet them.
And “adult relationship 10” is just too immersed in papa-katsu, so I pass.
Honestly, the moment a woman starts naming her own allowance, I lose interest.
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I once had a dinner-only arrangement with an allowance of 20, but it only lasted about six months.
I figured he may have thought it wasn’t worth the money. Personally, I would’ve liked to get a little closer, but these things happen.
On the other hand, there have also been cases where, after going to a hotel once, I received several million yen for dinner-only meetings. Honestly, I still don’t understand how it works.
I’ve said a lot, but if someone says they want 30, I think you need to offer 30 for them to stay motivated.
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Loser guys may get angry at this, but the going rate is 10,000 yen for dinner only and a median of 50,000 yen for more. Those aren’t averages.
Of course, attractive women with lots of competition for their time can command unlimited amounts. If you absolutely want to meet her, you have no choice but to pay up.
That woman already has another generous (well-paying) papa.
P.S. I’m an awkward, undesirable older guy, so I’ve given up on women like that from the start.
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It’s pathetic for grown adults to be asking about this—or trying to feel out the going rate. Either go for it or walk away.
What you need is to make a quick decision for yourself.
If you decide to stop, forget about it completely and don’t dwell on it.
That’s what I keep telling myself.
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