Is meeting once a month really considered too infrequent for dates?
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I’ve met many women and found two I wanted to date long-term, but I ended up parting ways with both because of how often we met. Or rather, they cut me off.
The first woman suddenly told me she couldn’t see me anymore when I invited her on another date. When I asked why, she said she had found someone she could see almost every week.
The second woman, whom I had been seeing until recently, told me on the day we last met that she’d be happy if we could see each other more often. I told her I preferred to keep meeting at the same frequency as before. She just cheerfully said, “Yes, I understand,” but I haven’t heard from her since that day.
Even if I meet another wonderful woman in the future, I feel like things will end because of how often we meet. Are cases where people maintain a long-term relationship while meeting only once a month really that rare?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, too.
> Is meeting once a month considered rather infrequent?
I’ve heard of arrangements where they meet once or twice a month, so I wouldn’t say it’s extremely infrequent.
However, judging from what you’ve said, it sounds like the issue was that you weren’t meeting often enough.
That said, I don’t think you should focus solely on how often you meet. There may be another way of looking at it.
For example, suppose a woman thinks she can receive 50,000 yen per pay-per-meeting arrangement. She actually wants more, but probably feels unable to say so. Even so, 50,000 yen a month isn’t nearly enough.
In that case, she may think that meeting every week would bring her 200,000 yen a month. But being involved with multiple men carries risks.
So, if she finds a man who can meet her every week, she may choose to go with him instead.
In your case, I think you have two options: either meet every week if she’s available, or increase her allowance.
For example, you could try doubling the allowance. If you did that, she might decide that meeting just once a month is fine after all.
If even that isn’t possible, then perhaps you’ll have to chalk it up to compatibility, look for women who are comfortable meeting once a month, and make offers to them one after another.
Ultimately, what you do is up to you.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I generally meet each woman once a month, and I’ve never had anyone turn me down because of that.
The woman I’ve been seeing the longest also said that meeting once or twice a month works best for her.
That said, I think there are a few rules of thumb for making a once-a-month arrangement work.
First, you need to make it clear that she’s free to see other men as well. It probably won’t work with men who expect her to see only them.
Also, keep LINE and other messages to the bare minimum—just for making arrangements.
And you need to be able to satisfy her in an adult relationship (intimate).
That’s about it, I suppose.
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I don’t think the frequency was the reason you broke up.
Seeing each other once a month may indicate a relationship that could end at any time, but it’s also the kind of arrangement that doesn’t necessarily need to be ended and can easily continue indefinitely.
If the frequency was given as the reason for turning you down, I think it was probably just an excuse.
Paper Airplane
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Several of them only see me once a month or less.
They’ll say things like, “I’m busy and it’s hard to find a time that works, but I’ll make it happen somehow—next month for sure!” Since I don’t mind them as long as our schedules line up, it just sort of continues.
Marika
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Your monthly budget was probably 100, split between two people, so you were meeting each of them once a month for 50 per meeting, right?
First, narrow it down to one person. Then you’ll have either:
1. Meet once a month for 100 per meeting
2. Meet twice a month for 50 per meeting
I think those are your only realistic options, and even then, it’ll be just about enough. Personally, I recommend option 1.
If you choose option 2, keep each date to around two hours. No heavy kissing or anything like that.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
It may be less about how often he wants to meet and more about the amount of money involved. If you give him the monthly allowance he’s looking for, I think he’d continue even if you only met once a month. Though I suspect that’s probably not the kind of answer you were looking for.
So, moving on. This is difficult to explain, but even women who don’t particularly want to meet a papa (a male supporter) without an allowance may still dislike not being courted and told by their papa how much he wants to see them. Some women have that kind of hard-to-understand pride.
So if you want to continue this arrangement once a month, I think you need to develop a feel for that balance.
To put it simply, say something like, “I really do like you and would love to see you every week, but because of these circumstances, I can only meet once a month.” Then add a small gesture to show you care.
Give it a try.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Does she want the same thing? From her messages, it sounds like the woman wanted to meet more often, so there’s clearly a mismatch here.
It’s difficult to maintain an arrangement if you focus only on what you want and don’t take the other person’s wishes into account.
If you prefer meeting once a month, I think you should look for someone who’s happy with a monthly arrangement.
I have a woman I meet once a month, and we’ve continued for over a year and a half. That’s because she’s also happy with meeting once a month.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I think meeting once a month is perfectly reasonable. It gives you a comfortable amount of distance, so even if your personalities aren’t a perfect match, you don’t necessarily get on each other’s nerves, and the arrangement can surprisingly last a long time. I think the allowance is a separate issue. I’ve had a pay-per-meeting arrangement at 30,000 yen that became once a month and continued for over two years.
That said, it’s better to meet a little more frequently at first. I once thoroughly analyzed my past experiences, and now, if I like someone, I make a point of seeing her again within two weeks. Meeting often deepens the relationship, and telling her that I want to see her again also conveys my feelings. After building a certain level of rapport, gradually settling into a regular rhythm tends to make things last.
Of course, it also depends on what the woman wants, and if your preferences don’t align, you may have to part ways. But in my experience, quite a few women are open to something other than that. Once you’ve built a certain relationship, you can often find a middle ground instead of seeing things as simply black or white. For the person asking this question, I think it’s important to start by not letting good opportunities slip away, while accepting that some trial and error will be involved.
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I’m Rin, a female member of SALON.
I think it also depends on how much the allowance is for meeting once a month. If it’s an amount the woman feels satisfied with, she may well be happy to meet even just once a month!
I don’t think it’s simply a matter of how often you meet.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
That’s pretty infrequent…
I once had a papa who came up from out of town once a month, but as expected, I didn’t end up seeing only him.
I naturally found myself more drawn to papas I could meet more often, and I felt it was difficult to deepen a relationship by meeting just once a month. However, his allowance was fairly generous, so we continued for about two years.
If the allowance were exceptionally generous, there might still be a chance, but under the current circumstances, I don’t think you can expect any major improvement.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think there are probably not many.
If a woman doesn’t want to increase the number of partners she has intimate relationships with, that’s naturally how it would turn out.
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This is Nana Ayase☆
Isn’t it because the allowance is too low, rather than how often you meet?
There’s no point in meeting once a month for ¥30,000 per meeting.
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