People often compliment me on my looks.
Lately, though, I’ve really started to feel like I’m lacking substance and don’t know how to hold a conversation.
Maybe that’s why, whenever I start dating someone, they quickly cheat on me or break up with me.
What can I do to keep people from getting bored with me?
I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
Maybe it’s not your communication skills—it’s that you’re simply not interested in other people. You can probably think of a few examples, right?
At the heart of conversational and communication skills are an interest in people, along with imagination and empathy.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I see. It’s a shame that things don’t last despite her good looks.
Could the reason be something else? This is just speculation, but I don’t think relationships necessarily last just because someone is:
- Extremely confident
- Very good at conversation
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), perhaps she’s not doing enough to:
- Pay close attention to her partner and fulfill his need for validation
- Be attentive and intimate with him
- Observe what makes him happy and please him
- Act as though she’s having a great time when they’re together
- Never forget to show her gratitude
So maybe he doesn’t feel satisfied and ultimately ends things. That’s my guess.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
You mentioned that people often compliment you, but do you compliment others as well? When someone praises you, do you make an effort to praise someone else in return? To compliment others, you need to pay attention to their actions and words. Very few people feel bad about being noticed or complimented.
If complimenting others feels like too much of a hurdle, start by practicing on yourself. Say things like, “I gave work my all today,” or “My skin feels so smooth today.” Anything is fine. Confidence comes from self-affirmation.
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I’m in Seattle.
If you want to make money through a transactional relationship, keep things broad and superficial—or work in the adult entertainment industry.
If you want to build a relationship with a somewhat generous (well-paying) papa, it probably won’t last unless you share personal information and speak honestly.
The people I’ve been seeing for two years all know where I live. They don’t come over, though. They know my address too.
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Osaka, Male Member
Just get out there, gain experience, and talk to more and more people.
You can talk to people who seem confident and imitate what they do. You can also talk to people who seem insecure and use them as examples of what to watch out for. Either way, gaining experience is the best way to develop an eye for what works and what doesn’t. Even failures are valuable experiences, and success will gradually build your confidence.
If you look good, it’s easier too, lol.
As you gain more experience, you start noticing all kinds of things. Your perspective and the directions your conversations can take will expand, and you may also develop a deeper appreciation for people’s unique appeal and the qualities that only you can recognize.
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I’m Rin, a female SALON member.
I don’t have many qualities I can proudly boast about or feel particularly confident in, so my answer may not be what you’re looking for, but…
If you’re attractive, then that’s already something you can be confident about, isn’t it?
You mentioned that people often compliment you, so I think that’s definitely something you can take pride in.
After reading Date◎Yume’s answer, I agree that taking an interest in the other person is the key to keeping them from losing interest in you.
It’s important to stay interested in things in general, isn’t it?
I’m going to take that advice myself!
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
That’s a good question（笑）
When it comes to your way of thinking:
To gain confidence, you need to have opinions of your own. Share your views with several people. If more than two-thirds of them say, “That’s exactly right,” then I think you can confidently express your opinions.
As for your appearance:
If people often compliment your looks, ask each person to tell you the one thing they liked best about your appearance. You should feel confident about all of those qualities combined.
Regarding having “no substance” or lacking conversational skills:
Take an interest in current events and in what other people have to say. Listen while asking questions about them. If you don’t understand something, ask or look it up.
Doing just that should give you enough substance and conversational ability for everyday life.
To keep someone from losing interest in you:
Take an interest in them, and become a smart and devoted person.
That alone should be more than enough.
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