I feel guilty because my papa is completely devoted to me.
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We met two and a half years ago. I know we’re still in the fun stage, but even though we see each other several times a week, he just sits there gazing at me with a smile, constantly compliments me, replies quickly on LINE, sometimes calls me, and even listens to me when I ask for advice about my friendships, work, and life.
He gives me a large monthly allowance, yet he also buys me presents and pays for our trips. The hotels we always stay at are all suites.
The total value of the presents he’s given me has exceeded 20 million yen. It sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.
I assume my looks, personality, and sexual compatibility are simply his type.
However, he is, of course, married. I’ve never been loved this much—not by any of my past boyfriends, the male members of Universe Club, or even my parents. I’m happy but embarrassed, and I feel strangely sorry somehow, although I don’t even know who I feel sorry toward. It makes me feel restless.
I can’t openly accept people’s affection and love(?). I end up feeling empty and crying alone, wondering if a woman as awful as me for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is destined to be adored only through the ulterior-motive-driven kindness of a man who pays women for sex despite having a wife and children.
I do papa-katsu because I need the money, and being with this papa means I’ll never have to worry financially. But I’m wondering whether this life as a mistress, with money covering everything, is really okay. Even if I were no longer short of money, I think I’d genuinely fall for him and desperately want to see him without an allowance. I’m under some kind of spell (lol).
Despite being married, my papa seems to want to stay with me forever, but I can’t possibly be allowed to live a life tied to someone like that.
How long should I keep this mirage-like relationship that will eventually end? But I don’t want to leave him either, and I struggle with it every day. I can’t see a way out of this dilemma, and it’s painful.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I’m Rin, a female member of SALON.
You like your papa (a male supporter) because he’s spent 20 million yen on gifts for you, gives you an allowance, spares no expense when you travel together, and books suite rooms at hotels.
If all of that suddenly disappeared, you’d probably think, “Huh?” That may be the part of you that feels guilty or sorry about the situation.
But if you genuinely love him from the bottom of your heart and don’t need an allowance at all, why not try having things that way once?
If you really want to end things, you can do so yourself at any time. The fact that you haven’t probably means you’re comfortable with the relationship as it is.
There’s no point worrying endlessly about it—enjoy the present!!
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I’m in Seattle.
You only get one life, and since you’re reasonably happy with your current situation, why not try to win your papa over and marry him if you can?
If that’s not possible, get lots of other younger boyfriends. The key is “lots.” You’ll be so busy that you won’t have time to worry.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I was thinking about giving this my first “mildly…” award of the year, but decided against it because it didn’t quite fit lol.
You’re worried about something, huh? lol More importantly, you have to consider worrying pretty standard! Everyone’s worried about something.
Even if your papa were single, you’d still worry if he pressured you to get married, right? And you’d worry if your papa dumped you, too, wouldn’t you?
Some people worry that they need to get married soon, while others still have worries after getting married. Heck, some people even worry about having nothing to worry about lol.
Your current papa seems like a good match for you, and he treats you well, doesn’t he? Crying and feeling sorry for yourself like some awful woman despite that is definitely worthy of the “mildly…” championship lol. Wouldn’t it be quicker to worry about changing that habit of yours? Just saying lol.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
That’s a good question（笑）
After reading it, I found myself nodding and thinking, “This sounds a lot like our relationship—one where you can’t see the end.”
In our case, my partner doesn’t currently have a boyfriend. However, we’ve agreed that our relationship will end if she starts dating someone or begins looking for a marriage partner. We’ve also agreed that age 25 will be one milestone.
That said, we won’t know what will actually happen until the time comes.
> I keep wondering how long I should continue this relationship, which feels like a mirage that will end someday. But I don’t want to leave either, and I think about it every day. I’m struggling because this dilemma makes it impossible to see a way out.
One possibility that comes to mind is setting certain conditions, such as:
- Changes in your own circumstances, such as a transfer, changing jobs, or a promotion
- Changes in your partner’s circumstances, such as family matters, health, or work-related changes
As for me, even if we officially ended the relationship, I might still be open to having dinner occasionally—once every three months or if she found herself in an emergency. (Though I do wonder what would happen with the allowance then.)
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Apparently, Italian gangsters don’t make threats. They have to speak in the past tense. So “I’ll kill you!” is no good, but “Oh, I already killed you” works.
So come back after you’ve given up your allowance.
I sometimes get questions like, “I’m fine without an allowance,” and I always think:
No, say that after you’ve given up your allowance.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I can tell you’ve been dealing with a lot of worries.
I think that’s often what it’s like for women who become the lovers of married men.
Try reading the manga *Kacho-shima Kosaku*. It has a bit of a Showa-era feel, but it portrays the lives of women who become involved with married men.
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