I’m a man in my 40s. A little while ago, the woman I’m seeing accidentally let slip that she was also meeting other people. She seemed awkward about it, so I told her, “I’d be happy to hear about the other guys too!” Since then, she’s started telling me about her other papas from time to time.
This content is machine-translated.
Apparently, there’s one papa she meets every week, and from the way she talks about him, it’s obvious that she likes him. Lately, I’ve somehow become her sounding board, which also makes me feel like I’m completely irrelevant to her. (The other day, she happily told me about a trip she took with that man, and I couldn’t help thinking, “Couldn’t you be a little more considerate?” Haha.)
I can only see her occasionally because of work, and I have a wife and children, so I’m not seriously falling for her or anything. I’d like to enjoy our relationship while maintaining a certain distance. However, lately I’ve increasingly felt like I’m just one of many—that I’m merely one of the many papas in her life.
She’s very much my type, so I don’t want to end things with her. But once you start feeling this way, is it difficult to continue the relationship?
This is Joe.
I think it depends on how you feel. You don’t want to be “just one of many,” but you do want to enjoy the relationship “at a certain distance”—in other words, conveniently for yourself. To put it mildly, that’s pretty self-centered.
If you can find a way to enjoy being a sounding board for him, perhaps you can continue the relationship?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Nana Ayase ☆
You were the one who said it was okay, right? In that case, you can’t really tell him not to say it anymore.
If you only meet occasionally, why not see a few other people as well?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
The trick to not falling for your PJ is to diversify your investments.
When you’re seeing as many as 11 women like I am, you won’t get too attached—even to your favorite.
As a result, all my monthly partners tell me, “You always seem so relaxed,” which makes me even more popular. Just kidding. It’s the money.
—A loser of a man
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If you don’t want to part ways, then things can still be repaired from the man’s side.
For now, go about your days without revealing your doubts or anxiety, and try not to let him sense anything.
After some time has passed, if your feelings haven’t changed, I think you should continue treating him as you did before. If your feelings come back, you may even grow more attached than before. And if they don’t, I think you should move on to someone new.
—Paper Airplane
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Taro, a male member.
A long time ago, there was a woman who genuinely liked me, and we used to tell each other so. She was a little unusual, though—she said she was actually happy to see me even if I was also seeing other people. More than that, she said she didn’t mind, and was even open to, being involved with married men. Apparently, the thought of secretly “stealing” someone’s partner excited her.
If you reversed the positions of the man and woman, wouldn’t her situation be fairly similar to the questioner’s? Thinking about it, a man who openly talks with a woman about his relationships with other men and is intimate with her may, in a sense, be more important to her than her primary partner. She can talk to him about things she can’t tell the person she truly likes, so he isn’t just one of them. And if they’re also intimate, I think you could confidently say he’s a head above the rest.
That said, I still haven’t reached that point myself. This was a different woman from the one I mentioned at the beginning, but we also grew close enough to say we liked each other. She even told me she didn’t need any money from me. At the same time, though, she said she needed money, so she would continue seeing other people—for payment. I didn’t like it at the time, and we eventually broke up. But sometimes I wonder whether, if I had stayed with her, I might have come to understand her deeper nature and formed a stronger bond with her. If I ever get another opportunity like that, I’ll definitely take that path.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Aya, a female member.
There’s absolutely no going back to the relationship you had before…
And as you said yourself, you’re married and have limited resources to devote to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so you can’t really afford to keep someone exclusively, either.
I feel like there’s nothing you can do about that.
As a solution, I think the only option is for you to find another woman as well and act with more composure. But if your resources are limited, even that might not be possible.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
