My papa invited me on a trip to Hakone, and it seems this trip may lead to an adult relationship.

If it were me: 10 for the hot spring date 10 for the adult relationship (intimate) So I’d give a total of 20. That’s the bare minimum. I’m not sure how far Hakone is from Tokyo, but is it about the same distance as Shirakawa-go from Nagoya? It sounds pretty far, so you’d probably be tied up for the entire day, right? I don’t see why spending the whole day together should cost the same as a regular adult date, so you should definitely try to get the shopping included too. You’re not being greedy at all. It’s your right, so don’t back down—stand your ground. Whenever I read questions like this, I always think: men are seriously greedy. What’s even worse is that men act greedy themselves, then call women “money monsters” when they ask for anything. You’re the real money monster here! If that’s how you treat even someone you’re supposedly dating seriously, there’s zero chance you’ll succeed in business. —A loser man

This is Nana Ayase ☆ Your first adult relationship on a trip… Your papa probably wants your first intimate experience to be somewhere special. It’s probably best for the woman not to ask for too much. Why not settle for Hakone? Also, in past questions, I’ve seen quite a few people say they didn’t receive an allowance when traveling. Since he is paying for the expensive trip, I can see how that might count as the allowance. Why not be satisfied with Hakone this time? You can start getting greedy after you’ve taken two or three trips together.

If shopping were okay, I would’ve invited you a long time ago. I don’t like hearing that from a woman. Paper Airplane

I’m Dai, a male member. I think you should try an adult relationship (intimate) once before going on the trip. If you’re not compatible in that respect, things could become awkward between you, and the trip may no longer be enjoyable. Also, if someone suggested Karuizawa for a hot-spring trip, I’d personally be a little confused. If you want to go to a hot spring, most people would normally choose somewhere known for its quality hot-spring water.

For a first adult relationship (intimate), the mention of a trip personally gives me pause. Rather than how you get there, would you be reluctant to go unless you received an allowance plus a gift? From the man’s perspective, it could come across as nothing more than a greedy proposal. If you want to continue seeing him, I think it would be better to simply suggest changing the way you get there. Akari

I’m Osaka, a male member. Are you really comfortable going on a trip for your first adult relationship? More than worrying about adding shopping to the itinerary, shouldn’t you be asking yourself whether you’re comfortable traveling together in the first place? A trip is quite a big step. Ideally, it should be with someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with and can discuss the plans with from scratch. Since your papa (a male supporter) also seems inexperienced if he’s suggesting a trip for your first adult relationship, it sounds like you might both end up completely exhausted, lol. Wouldn’t it be better to wait a little longer? Just my two cents, lol.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. I just got back from New Japan Pro-Wrestling’s Tokyo Dome show on January 4, so forgive the wrestling analogy. Wrestling itself is fake, which is why it needs “reality”—both inside and outside the ring. To put it simply, things like “I hate my opponent,” “getting punched hurts,” “I can’t use my arm because it’s been worked over,” or “I absolutely refuse to lose.” The wrestlers who can create that kind of “reality” convincingly and express those emotions authentically are the top-tier ones. Wrestling is fake to begin with, but once you can feel the “fakeness,” it becomes instantly boring. It’s a difficult sport like that. You also need first-rate acting skills. I think dating is similar. Precisely because it’s essentially fake, you need to pursue a sense of “reality.” Of course, both sides need to meet each other halfway and make an effort. In this case, “I’m okay with including shopping” is the man making a concession. It isn’t any sense of reality being offered by the woman, so I wouldn’t recommend it. Wouldn’t it be safer to wait until the next time? Try pursuing a sense of reality built on top of a lie. For example, imagine going to a hot-spring inn with a man you like. Would you ask him to buy you something on your very first overnight date? You want to create something like, “I’m looking forward to even the time we spend traveling together.” That would be the better kind of manufactured reality, wouldn’t it? If you do want to bring up shopping, it’s better to ease into it. It’s also a sales technique, but you could say, “I wasn’t planning to shop, but since we’re here, I’d like to stop by the outlet mall,” or “I want to pick out some clothes that would look good on you, so I’d like to stop by the outlet mall.” Just decide beforehand that you’ll stop there, and once you arrive, try saying, “Oh, I really like this. I wonder if I should get it…” If he reads the situation and buys it for you, get a little affectionate with him right there and pay him back in kind. And if he doesn’t buy it, become visibly sulky, haha. In a way, that’s a very real emotion you might see between an actual couple. It brings the situation into the realm of reality. Simply including shopping from the outset doesn’t feel real. Sorry about this. I’ve been involved in wrestling for a long time, so I’m hard on professional wrestlers. I’ve also been in the dating scene for almost three years now, so I’m becoming just as hard on papa-katsu girls, haha.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well. If you’re thinking of Karuizawa at this time of year, I’d be concerned about snow and icy roads. Even with winter tires, cars can still slide, so I feel it’s fairly risky for someone who isn’t used to driving on snowy roads. With that in mind, it would probably be safer to choose somewhere farther south. Karuizawa would be great in summer, but I’d be a little worried about going there in winter. Even if you take the train, you’d probably end up renting a car once you got there. Of course, if your papa goes skiing or snowboarding every week and is used to driving in snowy conditions, then there shouldn’t be any problem, and Karuizawa sounds fine. In that case, you could say something like: “I’d love to go to Karuizawa, including outlet shopping. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for my own shopping.” I don’t think he’d dislike that at all, but maybe that’s different from what you had in mind? > With a trip to Hakone, we’d only be going to hot springs, and it also takes time to get around. I think you could also do some shopping at the Gotemba outlets and then enjoy the hot springs in Hakone. The expressway may be congested, so the travel time will depend on what time you go.