The first time a woman goes to a private room, there are plenty of things she may feel uneasy about. In the extreme, she might worry about being assaulted or being forced into some kind of fetish play. So I set the allowance at around 70,000–100,000 yen and always give it to her in advance.
From the second meeting onward, I say, “The previous time was our first meeting, after all,” and offer around 50,000–70,000 yen, but communication doesn’t seem to go smoothly.
I’d appreciate any advice on how to communicate this more effectively.
If you offer 5 on the first day, then give an extra 2–3 as a little “celebration gift” for meeting each other, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But if your first time going to a room together is on the second date or later, there’s no need to give the extra, so it’s better not to.
Paper Airplane
Also, if you can make her feel comfortable and secure, you don’t necessarily need to set the allowance amount in advance. In fact, leaving it undecided can sometimes be better, since there’s no fixed benchmark.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here.
> I’d appreciate any advice on how to communicate more effectively.
I think the problem is that you reduce the allowance on the second meeting.
It seems you consider the first meeting to be an increased amount. But if you see this as a communication issue, the key question is whether you clearly explained at the time that this was a one-time increase and that the amount would be different from the next meeting onward.
Even if you did explain that, the fact remains that the second meeting pays less than the first.
So no matter how much you say the first meeting was an increased amount, she may come away with the impression that the allowance will be reduced on the second meeting.
In that case, I think it would be better to skip the increase for the first meeting and discuss the second-meeting amount from the very beginning.
Ideally, you should continue paying the increased amount from the first meeting onward. If the first meeting is 70,000–100,000 yen and the second meeting is 50,000–70,000 yen, 70,000 yen overlaps. If you can afford 70,000 yen, that’s probably an amount you can continue paying.
In that case, you could simply offer 70,000 yen from the start and continue with 70,000 yen for each meeting thereafter.
That said, if you’re offering 100,000 yen because it’s difficult to get popular women to agree to 70,000 yen, you could also choose to give up on those women from the outset—or, if you really want to continue seeing someone, make the effort to keep paying 100,000 yen after the second meeting as well.
As a basic rule of thumb, increasing the allowance later is fine, but I think you should consider reducing it later to be unacceptable.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Fuu, a column writer.
I think it would be better to agree on the second-meeting amount from the start.
If you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, having the allowance reduced feels unpleasant, doesn’t it?
What if the woman you’re seeing went all out for the adult relationship the first time because she wanted to secure an ongoing arrangement, but then made less effort on the second date and said, “No oral this time”?
You’d be disappointed, wouldn’t you?
Isn’t it basically the same feeling?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If you offer the same allowance or increase it for the second meeting, I don’t think she’ll turn you down. It feels awful when the allowance is reduced even though the woman hasn’t done anything wrong.
Marika
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
This is Ayase Nana ♡
It’s because they lower the allowance afterward. From a woman’s perspective, it feels like a total scam, doesn’t it?
Why offer such a high amount at first? Is it so she won’t back out? I think 50,000 yen is fine for everyone.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Rin, a female member of SALON.
If my allowance were reduced on the second meeting, I’d probably think things like, “I guess we weren’t a good match the first time…” or “Maybe I wasn’t satisfied with that amount?”
So why not explain the terms from the beginning: “Since this is our first meeting, the allowance will be this amount, and from the second meeting onward, it will be this amount”?
If the allowance is suddenly reduced on the day of the second meeting, the other person will naturally wonder why.
I think you must be a kind person to want to offer a little more for the first meeting because she might feel nervous, so I’d recommend explaining that clearly to her.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Lower allowance on the second meeting??
You may say it’s out of consideration for the woman, but really, you’re just offering more upfront so she won’t turn you down, right? Because if you offered what you can normally afford, she might say no.
In that case, you should state the allowance for the second meeting and onward from the beginning. Otherwise, it’s just changing the terms after the fact—and makes you look cheap.
Akari
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
