I’ve met and dated several people through apps and clubs, but none of the relationships have lasted very long, and they quickly lose interest in me.
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I think it may be because I’m not very good at communicating and often struggle to keep conversations going, but I can’t seem to improve…
I’d like to build a good relationship with my papa (a male supporter). What can I do to make an effort?
I’m Dai, a male member.
Whether things continue isn’t determined by communication skills alone.
It’s an overall judgment.
It’s hard to say exactly what goes into that, though…
Men sometimes have their doubts about whether to continue, too.
When the other person reaches out at times like that, it can make them think, “Maybe we should meet again.”
That extra little push might be what matters.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a column writer.
I don’t think you need clever comebacks, great communication skills, or interesting topics.
If you speak sincerely about yourself and what you’re seriously working on—your job, for example—the other person will naturally come to understand who you are, and the relationship will usually work out.
I once became deeply involved with a girl who had selective mutism. Simply put, she would get stuck and be unable to speak in most situations. She had also dropped out of high school and spent a period of time shut in at home.
Although she didn’t have a large vocabulary, every time I treated her to a meal, she would say, “It was really delicious. Thank you, as always.”
She always faced me directly, looked me in the eye, and said it with a sincere expression.
She didn’t need to come up with anything clever like, “The seasoning in today’s meal was so refined and delicious. Thank you for the wonderful meal.” As long as she expressed her feelings honestly, that was enough.
She wasn’t good at talking, but seeing her seriously tell me what she had been devoted to and what she had accomplished during the time we weren’t together made me happy.
That relationship lasted for two years.
There are conversational tricks you can use, but if you want to maintain a relationship over the long term, I believe the most important thing is to live your own life sincerely.
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With a club arrangement, I don’t think you’ll be cast aside as long as you’re physically compatible, so it might be a good idea to practice getting there—or work on your visualization.
Paper Airplane
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It would probably be easier if you can be a good listener for someone who likes to talk. Just smile and listen to his bragging, too.
Also, if the sex isn’t good, the relationship probably won’t last. Sorry if you’re Type A.
If you are Type A, you need even better communication skills, though.
Marika
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. People often tell me that I seem clumsy and not very good at handling things, but that I’m doing my best to get through life. I also tend to maintain long-term arrangements with my papas.
It could also be that I don’t show much reaction, so they can’t get a sense of what I’m like, or that I simply wasn’t their type looks-wise.
If you’re prepared for the possibility of being turned down, you could ask a former papa what he felt was lacking. He may not respond, but there’s no need to take it too personally.
If you could share a few more specific details about what happened, it might be easier to give you some advice.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Communication skills?
I think many men like to talk, and if communication skills mean being able to respond appropriately to what they’re saying, then that ability may be necessary.
For example, if a man says, “I really like Seiko Matsuda,” and the woman simply replies, “I don’t know her,” the conversation may end there.
But if she responds, “I don’t know much about her, but I do know she was incredibly popular back in the day,” the conversation afterward may go quite differently.
So if that’s the kind of communication skill you mean, then I think it is necessary. But if you mean the ability to start conversations yourself, I’m not sure it’s particularly needed.
I’m not really sure why men lose interest so quickly.
For example, if you remain completely silent and show no reaction at all during an intimate encounter, there’s a good chance the man will pull away.
If you genuinely don’t feel anything, I think it may be worth practicing making sounds.
It might feel awkward or forced at first, but before long, you may become good enough that men can’t tell the difference.
That could make it less likely that they’ll lose interest.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I think if you become an easygoing, convenient woman who’s flexible and works around his schedule, he’ll keep you around even if the conversation is boring.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
Of the three senses—sight, hearing, and touch—conversation relies on sight and hearing. If you’re not good at those, try focusing on touch instead.
Try communicating through more physical contact.
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