There’s something I’ve noticed about men from dating clubs—so far, I feel like almost 100% of them do this. Whenever they spot a woman while we’re out—a woman walking down the street, a female employee at a shop, a customer, basically any woman—they sneak a glance or stare because they’re curious. Why do they do that?
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I’d never experienced this when walking around with ordinary men who aren’t from a dating club, whether they were my age or older, so it’s puzzled me ever since I joined the club.
Are club men really that hungry? Even when we’re together, seeing that side of them, whether they’re doing it unconsciously or not, doesn’t make me happy—it’s disappointing. Sometimes it even puts me off and makes me feel uncomfortable. To borrow a phrase I saw in the Q&A section, I can’t help thinking it’s rather lacking in class. It’s not like staring is going to get them anywhere, so aren’t they embarrassed?
When I’m being set up with a man and he has this habit particularly badly, I start thinking he’d be happy with anyone as long as she’s even slightly cute, so I turn down the arrangement.
All the club men seem to have this habit to some degree, though the intensity varies. What exactly are they thinking or feeling when they look at other women?
I’m BB7.
Any straight man is naturally interested in younger women. He’ll sneak a glance now and then—it’s as instinctive as breathing.
That’s just how men are. Nothing more to it. No need to overthink it.
Men at dating clubs may have a stronger sex drive than average. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t join a club in the first place.
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
I think the person asking this has incredibly sharp insight.
This is just my guess, but with a dating club, men choose which women to make offers to from among the 7,000 registered members. They compare them and narrow down their choices again and again. They do this almost every day after joining.
I think that can imprint the idea that one woman is better than another. As a result, they may develop a habit of doing the same thing even when they’re out in public.
Even while on a date, they may find themselves constantly checking whether other women are above or below you—without even realizing it.
That may be what’s happening.
That said, once men have been using a dating club for a long time, some eventually move past that phase and start thinking, “What matters is personality, not appearance.”
With men like that, there’s no longer any need to keep looking at other women.
So I suspect the man who made you an offer may have only recently joined and developed a habit of comparing women.
If that’s the case, as you felt, he may be someone who chooses women based solely on their appearance, so I think it makes perfect sense to decline continuing the relationship.
That being said, some men come to appreciate a woman’s good qualities on the inside as they spend more time with her and eventually think, “She’s a wonderful woman.”
So giving it a month or two might be one option.
Of course, trusting your instincts is also perfectly reasonable.
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I’m Dai, a male club member.
Nearly 100%? That’s quite something.
People don’t suddenly change before or after joining a club, so you should assume you’re meeting men with particularly strong sex drives.
That’s just how men who’ve turned into animals are.
That said, aren’t you also consciously viewing the men at the club in that way?
Even with an ordinary male acquaintance, the moment you find out he belongs to a club, you might start thinking, “He probably looks at women that way too, right?”
Preconceptions can be a scary thing.
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
I really wish men who keep sneaking glances would stop.
It even makes me wonder whether I’m dressed strangely or if my skirt has gotten caught up in my underwear or something (汗)
Whether it’s my boyfriend or someone I met through the club, I hate it when they look at other people while walking with me.
If it were my boyfriend, I’d confront him like, “What are you looking at? Do you even realize who you’re walking with?”
But I can’t exactly say that to someone from the club, can I?
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I do check to make sure there aren’t any women I’m seeing, coworkers, or other acquaintances around.
I once got spotted pretty clearly by a female coworker while I was on a date.
Luckily, she was a fairly close, understanding woman who was popular with men, so I was able to make arrangements afterward to keep her quiet. I got off safely that time.
Still, you never know with some people, so I always check whether anyone I know is around.
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I’m a male member and a bit of a loser.
I used to be exactly the same, but the women I met through Universe Club were so beautiful that I stopped looking around and don’t really pay attention to other women anymore...
The two women I see regularly are that exceptionally beautiful.
They’re so beautiful that I can’t bring myself to invite them to be intimate, and our relationship has gradually become more like having them as “eye candy.”
I enjoy intimacy with other regular partners who genuinely love it, while I just go on normal dates with these two.
Of course, they do occasionally keep me company at night, too.
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I’m more or less the same as you, the person asking the question.
Some men may do it unconsciously, but I can’t help feeling that they’re looking at women excessively, almost as if they’re sizing them up.
If you weren’t walking together, you probably wouldn’t notice or care. But since you met through a matchmaking arrangement, you’re bound to notice.
So I understand why you’d want to turn him down, and I think it’s perfectly fine to trust that feeling.
Akari
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I’m Aya, a female member.
When I searched online, I found tons of posts from women saying things like, “I can’t stand how my husband keeps sneaking glances at women walking by,” and, “I’m truly sorry my husband is bothering everyone.”
I assume it’s simply because they have strong sex drives. Come to think of it, I get stared at pretty often too. It’s kind of… unpleasant, isn’t it? I’m used to it by now, but it’s not exactly flattering.
However, when I’m walking with a papa (a male supporter) who looks like a yakuza, I’ve noticed that a lot of men will take a quick glance and immediately look away.
My papa says, “See? I’m protecting you! lol” But if they look when a woman is alone and don’t look when she’s walking with someone who looks like a yakuza, then that’s clearly what’s going on—and I can’t exactly feel good about it.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
If a man isn’t sexually dead inside, he probably instinctively checks out any woman who catches his eye. Women may say it’s sleazy to judge someone by their looks, but when you see someone for the first time, appearance is all you can go by. Of course, I’d notice a woman who was rescuing an abandoned kitten or something, but I’ve never actually come across a scene like that while walking around town.
When I’m on a date and the woman is truly wonderful, nobody else even registers. But if the conversation dies during the journey, or it’s boring, my eyes start wandering. Then, if I spot an attractive woman, I might think, “Wow.” That doesn’t mean I’m going to try hitting on her, though. It’s probably the same mindset as a young person checking their phone during a date.
The fact that you noticed this probably means you have a pretty sharp radar. Rather than turning what you learned into a complaint, why not use it as a measure of how captivating you are and focus on winning your partner over?
What was your reason for joining the dating club? Was it to look down on male members? Or was it to find a man you could have a good relationship with, including mutually agreeable terms? If it’s the latter, I think this realization is nothing but an opportunity.
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I understand what you mean, because before joining the club, I had absolutely no interest in the men and women around me.
Until then, my only possibilities were my girlfriend or people I happened to meet, so I paid no attention to women I saw on the street—or to couples, either.
After joining, I started noticing men who looked like they were involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), even though I’d never paid them any attention before. At the same time, my attitude toward women I saw around town changed from having zero interest in them to thinking, “Maybe she’s one of them too. Maybe I could make an offer through the club and get to know her.”
Before, it had never once crossed my mind that the men and women I saw around town might be involved in papa-katsu. But once I joined the club, I couldn’t help seeing things that way.
I can’t say I’m particularly happy about it, but now that I’m spending time with women from the club—and have joined in the first place—there’s not much I can do about it.
Paper Airplane
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You’re beautiful, so I guess that can happen with men who like beautiful women. The prettier, the better, right?
I hope you meet someone who appreciates your inner qualities as well as your looks. None of my papas are like that, though.
That said, when a woman catches a man’s eye, he may glance at her. It’s usually not the same as staring because he’s genuinely interested in her.
Try not to get too upset about it. Just think, “You’re lucky I’m prettier than the women around here,” and leave it at that.
Marika
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