I’m sure everyone is tired of the ongoing Christmas present questions, but I’d appreciate your advice for the future.
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The other day, I met my regular papa (a male supporter) for the last time this year. Wanting to show my appreciation for everything, I secretly prepared a Christmas present for him.
So it wouldn’t seem like I was giving it in return for an allowance, I chose to surprise him at a time when there would be a long gap before we saw each other again, spanning the year-end and New Year holidays.
(He’s divorced and single, likes golf, and usually eats convenience-store meals when he’s alone, so I prepared some golf gear and snacks in a container for him.)
He was very happy and, after he got home, said that he wanted to send me something as well. I declined several times, but when he insisted, I replied that I would love a poinsettia, since they’re my favorite flowers. He responded, “Are you making fun of me? Forget it.” After a few more exchanges, we parted ways.
When I think about what went wrong, perhaps I offended him because of the difference in price. But maybe preparing a present in the first place was a mistake.
This is just asking for your personal opinions, but if you were in the same situation, how would you feel?
Sorry for the long post.
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
Maybe he felt you were making fun of him when, after you turned him down several times, you said, “Since you really wanted to...” and reluctantly answered, “A poinsettia.”
If you want to build on the relationship going forward, rather than turning him down repeatedly, you could try showing genuine happiness, like:
“Oh, you’re really going to get me something? I’m so happy!”
And when he asks what you want, you could say:
“Anything you choose would make me happy.”
If he says that makes it hard to decide and asks you to name something, you could mention something fairly typical, like a bag or clothes. If he asks which brand, you could say, “I’m not particular.”
Of course, he has his own budget, and the more specific his questions become, the greater the chance of hitting a nerve, so it can get pretty difficult.
But in general, I think it’s best to go with:
“I’d be happy with anything you choose.”
That said, I really don’t understand the mindset of someone who hears “I want a poinsettia” and thinks they’re being mocked.
You might as well have sent her enough poinsettias to leave her wondering where to put them.
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On the day I gave him a gift, he didn’t give me anything in return that day.
So what does that say about him??
It seems only natural that things would go that way. He could always give you something the next time you meet instead of mailing it. Especially if he was responding later, I’d want to talk about it in person rather than just hand over a gift.
—Paper Airplane
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
I like the way you’re considering the other person and expressing your gratitude. It shows a good attitude.
As several people have pointed out, though, I can’t help wondering: Would that really be a reason to break up with your papa?
Maybe there were other reasons for ending things besides the issue with the gift. Either way, accept that you and this papa simply weren’t a good match, and wait for your next offer.
Personally, I’m happier when someone shows it through their actions rather than giving me a present.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I don’t understand it either… Maybe he was offended that you turned down his gift, but I think he was simply being stubborn. You made the right call by ending things.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If it were me, after being turned down following several exchanges, I’d probably surprise her with a gift the next time we met.
That said, what might rub someone the wrong way varies from person to person.
For now, I’d recommend having this kind of conversation face-to-face rather than over LINE or another messaging app.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I agree with Kazu. Given how things unfolded, I can’t imagine ending things over that. It’s honestly embarrassing for a man to let things get to the point where he’s on the back foot and then worry about his pride, lol. You can forget about her, and there was nothing wrong with preparing a gift.
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This is Ayase Nana☆
For someone who has money, receiving a present from someone who does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to earn money—while not having prepared anything in return—can really hurt their pride.
I get presents too, but when I say I’d like to give one, I’m told, “Why would you buy me a present when you don’t have much money? You should just use it to enjoy a nice meal instead.” I wonder if that makes sense… It means, “You don’t have to cut into your living expenses to buy me a present.”
But you gave the person asking the question a present without being asked, and the thing they said they wanted was something that cost only 1,000 yen. Maybe they felt insulted.
Men can be pretty complicated. Just leave someone who says things like that alone and move on to the next person.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think the only mistake you made was choosing the wrong person to date. He sounds like a pushy, obnoxious guy.
If I were you, I’d pay closer attention to the man’s character next time.
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