Would you ever want to marry a married papa (a male supporter)? I certainly wouldn’t, because I see married papas as perfect examples of what not to do. Even if he gives his wife money and claims to love her, I feel that the moment he falls for another woman, he’s just trash. If he only saw women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as holes and treated them merely as outlets for his sexual urges, I could at least understand that (though in that case, wouldn’t he just go to a sex-work establishment?). But being involved in papa-katsu is still cheating. If he goes to a sex-work establishment, that’s their business, so I wouldn’t consider it cheating. But papa-katsu isn’t a transactional relationship to them—they pay women more than they would at a sex-work establishment because they’re looking for someone to rely on emotionally.
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It reminds me of how my wealthy grandfather once told my grandmother he’d give her a billion yen if she would divorce him, but she absolutely refused. My grandmother had around five million yen a month to spend freely, and her room was filled with designer goods, but she never forgave my grandfather for cheating. When he collapsed at the home of the woman he was having an affair with, she didn’t even go to see him. She kept saying, “I wonder who called the ambulance,” even though she knew perfectly well it had been his affair partner. No matter how much money a man spends, it doesn’t make a woman feel loved.
My papas also go on about how wonderful their wives are and claim to love them more than anyone, but then I think: if that’s really true, why do this at all? They should love their wives first and take care of their sexual urges at a sex-work establishment.
I’m fine with dating someone as a papa, but personally, I would never want to marry one.
Would you want to marry a man like the papa you’re currently seeing?
This is Joe.
I think your perspective is perfectly valid in its own way. At the same time, I’m a little curious about why you asked this question. Were you proposed to by a married man? Or, because of what happened with your grandmother, do you simply find the way married men behave at dating clubs unforgivable? You didn’t mention your own parents—were they on good terms? Ah, maybe that last question is none of my business!?
I have to say, your grandmother handled things impressively. Legally speaking, a wife’s position is quite well protected. Since compensation payments have little legal force, she probably wouldn’t have ended up with a large sum if she had agreed to the divorce. One thing I do wonder about, though, is whether she exercised her rights without fulfilling her own obligations. Would it really have been too much to expect her to visit him in the hospital, even if he collapsed at his mistress’s place? Or is that just the male perspective talking?
“Adult circumstances”—and this includes Joe—often amount to nothing more than “self-serving excuses made by adults,” so I think it’s perfectly fine if you don’t understand them. That said, I’m not impressed by how worked up you seem. I hope you’re able to enjoy some peaceful days ahead.
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I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a column writer.
Your grandmother sounds scary. She’s like a leech draining your grandfather’s money dry. Since she doesn’t love him either, your grandfather is the more admirable one for giving her money. He’s a man of principle.
Anyway, earning money is hard work. You lose money just by eating, yet you get paid simply for having a meal, right?
Feeding off men’s sexuality while looking down on it yourself doesn’t strike me as a particularly healthy mindset.
Would you proudly tell the important man you’ll one day fall in love with and marry, “I made ○○ yen through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)”?
If you can’t say it, you’re no different from the people you’re criticizing.
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I’m Ayase Nana☆
I’ve been seeing this a lot lately—why do people disguise their complaints about their papa’s wife as questions?
There’s no way you can marry your papa.
That’s what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and being a mistress are about.
Just quietly support your papa—that’s all you need to do.
You get angry because you want more.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
This whole thing wouldn’t work if there weren’t women willing to see married men. So by your own logic, the woman seeing that married man would also have to be labeled a scumbag.
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You’re the granddaughter of some wealthy family, and yet you look down on men who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). So why let one of those men sleep with you for a bit of money?
You’re no different from them.
Akari
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
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