Have you ever met someone you wouldn’t want as a boyfriend, but would want to marry?
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There’s a man I see once a week. He’s nine years older than me, very tall, and handsome. He’s also sociable, holds his liquor well, and has money, so I feel like being in a relationship with him would leave me constantly anxious. He seems like a player at first glance, but when I’ve been to his place, there hasn’t been a single hair or any women’s belongings other than mine. Judging from his schedule, it doesn’t seem like he’s seeing any other women either.
I’m probably exactly his type looks-wise, since he tells me I’m cute. When he introduces me to his friends, they’ve also said things like, “She looks exactly like your type,” several times. He even says things like, “Normally, a guy can’t just sleep with a female college student like you.” I’m also very attracted to his looks, and being with him makes me feel happy more than anything else. I don’t want to date him, but I find myself wanting to live with him, marry him, and have his child.
Does this mean I’m not in love with him?
Is this simply a woman’s instinct to seek stability?
I’d love to hear the opinions of those of you who have experienced various kinds of relationships. Sorry for going off-topic from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
I’m Dai, a male member.
So you want to marry a man who’s only liked for his looks. I’d say that’s rather unusual.
Since you seem to be attracted to men based on their appearance too, why not try living together first?
Once you share a home, various frustrations will come up—even if he’s good-looking, he’s still another person.
You get married when, despite all that, you still want to be together.
As for your maternal instincts, it sounds less like you want to marry him and more like you want to have his child.
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I’m in Seattle.
If you mean you’re worried that simply dating him would lead to him cheating right away, I can understand that. He does seem popular, and other women are probably going to come after him too.
If you want to have a legal claim to exclusivity, marriage is the only option. The opportunity is now. If you miss the timing, a rival will definitely appear.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
I agree with most of the points the other responders have made. What particularly concerns me is that he says things like, “You’re exactly my type looks-wise,” or, “Having regular sex with a female college student,” within earshot of the woman herself. It’s sad to see how he treats you.
I don’t think he’s considering dating you, living together, or getting married. What do you think?
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> Is there someone you wouldn’t want as a romantic partner, but would still want to marry?
Generally, I think you hear more people say, “They’re great as a romantic partner, but marriage? Hmm…”
Marriage involves all sorts of things, after all. (laughs)
> I don’t want to date him, but I find myself wanting to live with him, marry him, and have his child.
> Does that mean I don’t have romantic feelings for him?
That’s something I’m not entirely sure about either, but judging from these words alone, I don’t think it’s romantic love.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> I don’t want to date him, but I find myself wanting to live with him, marry him, and have his child.
That’s contradictory.
I don’t understand how you can not want to date someone but still want to live with them or marry them.
In the first place, living together generally means that two people who are dating move in together. Wanting to live together despite not wanting to date is like saying you don’t want to see someone but still want to live with them—it’s a strange situation.
That said, rather than dwelling on these complicated feelings, if you want to get married, I think you should simply marry him. And if you want a child, I don’t see why you should use contraception.
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