How should I bring it up with a papa (a male supporter) who gives me an allowance for dinner but wouldn’t give me one if we became involved in an adult relationship (which seems likely next time)…?
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Even though we met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), he thinks of me as what you might call his “real girlfriend,” and says so. He’s a single 60-year-old man.
He’s asked me to go on an overnight trip with him at the end of the year. Previously, when I asked about the allowance for traveling together, he replied, “It was too soon. Let’s stop acting rashly and put it off for a while.”
But today, he brought up wanting to go on a trip again.
If I ask about the allowance and he says, “I haven’t given that any thought because you’re my girlfriend,” I don’t know how I should respond…
Would it be better to ask him to buy me clothes to wear on the trip instead of giving me the allowance…?
I’m Dai, a male member.
There are regular questions from men who say they won’t pay an allowance once things become an adult relationship, but shouldn’t breaking things off be the only option with someone like that?
That said, if you’re okay with receiving gifts instead of an allowance, that’s entirely up to you.
Even if you think it’s strange to pay your girlfriend an allowance, it doesn’t really make sense to say giving her gifts is strange too, lol.
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I’m Osaka, a male member.
That papa seems to be thinking, “If we have an adult relationship, that makes her my girlfriend,” with no allowance involved. Since that’s all he seems to have in mind—and all he’s actually said—won’t he take your actions as meaning “adult relationship = girlfriend”? If you leave that point vague and things move forward, it could look like you’ve accepted his preferences.
Depending on how you look at it, maybe he simply wants an adult relationship without providing an allowance, and most women are just people he’d drop immediately if they weren’t interested. Are you sure this is okay? He may already have several relationships where he does provide an allowance, and this is all he’s after. Either way, he seems like a futile partner you’ll never see eye to eye with.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Keep turning down adult relationships and trips, and make money through dinner only. That said, I’d intentionally increase things like physical contact during dinner.
Then wait until he can’t hold back anymore and brings up the allowance for an adult relationship himself.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
You’re not planning to become her boyfriend, right? If not, you need to make it clear from the start that an adult relationship (intimate) means a financial relationship.
The beginning is crucial. If you haven’t established that, you shouldn’t enter an adult relationship (intimate).
It’s like disciplining a child or training an animal to perform tricks. The reward comes only after they’ve done it properly.
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