I’m a female member. When it comes to ending things, if I were to break things off, I’d like to tell the other person, “I won’t see you anymore for this reason,” so they won’t be left wondering things like, “Why haven’t they contacted me?” That said, I’ve never actually been the one to say I don’t want to meet anymore—I’ve unfortunately only ever been the one who was dumped.
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However, most of the people I’ve met here have simply left my LINE messages unread. Do people who leave messages unread feel less hurt than those who clearly say goodbye? From my perspective, I can’t tell whether they’re too busy to reply or whether they’re ending things, so it leaves me with even more things to worry about, which is painful.
How do all of you handle this?
Since these relationships are arranged through a club, is it like sales messages from hostesses or other nightlife workers—if you have no intention of going, do you simply not reply?
This may be selfish on my part, but I’d like feedback on what I did wrong. With this kind of breakup, I never get the chance to improve and just keep getting dumped.
I’m BB7.
Despite how I may come across, I’m the kind of person who feels bad for the other person and thinks it would be cruel, so I can’t leave messages unread, ignore read messages, or block someone.
After joining the club, though, I’ve been surprised by how many men and women casually block people or simply don’t reply.
I imagine the reason is probably something simple, like they got bored, felt we weren’t a good match, or found someone else. The women who don’t reply to me probably don’t have any major reason either. I do feel disappointed, realizing that I must have meant that little to them and that they were simply that kind of person, but I try not to dwell on it and move on to the next person.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I let the girls I’ve been seeing regularly know when I’m no longer able to meet them.
For girls I don’t click with after the initial offer or by around the third meeting, and those I don’t plan to move into a monthly arrangement with, I avoid making future plans and simply let things fade out without further contact.
What do you think of this approach?
No one has ever asked me why, but even if they did, I’d probably give a neutral answer rather than tell them how I really feel, and end things amicably.
I’d rather avoid any unnecessary drama.
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I’m Ayase Nana ☆
I feel the same way as Rin. I’d like to know why it isn’t working out.
I want to improve myself and become a better woman, so I’d like to work on and eliminate the things I’m doing wrong.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
If someone asks what’s missing, I’ll tell them what I think. But explaining myself when nobody asked feels a little self-important, and I don’t want to make them feel negatively toward me for no reason, so I generally just ignore it.
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I’m Rin, a female member of SALON.
I feel the same way as you! I’d really appreciate it if they could tell me what I did wrong so I can work on it. I’d even be happy to hear it from the staff rather than directly from the person.
When you meet someone for the first meeting, why not tell them, “If you ever decide you’d like to end things, I’d appreciate it if you could tell me why”? I’m not sure whether everyone would be willing to explain, though…
I’ll try doing that too!
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Column writer Flagmaker
Sorry, but it goes both ways. When someone leaves you on unread, you can’t help wondering, “Wait, did they die?” It does bother you a little.
Still, that concern usually lasts only a few weeks at most. Just be patient.
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