While planning a New Year’s shrine visit to Ise Jingu with my papa (a male supporter), I said I’d prefer to take the bullet train because driving from Tokyo takes so long (I’m also familiar with the transfer from Nagoya). He replied, “It’s definitely crowded during the day, so let’s leave at night and arrive around 6 a.m. You can sleep in the car. You can sleep anywhere, right? lol”
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I prefer to take off my makeup and sleep in a bed at night, then wash my face and get properly dressed in the morning, so I didn’t agree with his suggestion. Would you go?
For reference, he rejected the idea of a trip to Okinawa because he wanted to take it easy for at least two nights rather than just one, so we ended up planning a trip to Ise instead.
This papa is an unmarried business owner in his sixties who has never been in a long-term relationship. He’s kind, but he really doesn’t understand women’s feelings. He’s the type to make reservations and decisions on his own and move things forward without consulting me, so sometimes I can understand why women avoid him.
I’m Dai, a male member.
Many women take overnight buses, so spending the night in a vehicle isn’t completely unheard of.
I get the feeling that you’re not interested in traveling on such a tight budget, though…
If you’re uncomfortable with it, you can simply decline.
You don’t have to force yourself to go along with the trip, and I think the man would be very hurt if he found out how you really feel.
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I’m Nana Ayase ☆
Personally, I’d be okay with sleeping in the car since it sounds kind of fun.
But… the gentleman is in his 60s, right?
I wouldn’t want to wake up next time and find myself among the clouds, so I’d suggest taking turns driving.
Would even doing it just once be out of the question? Is it really impossible for you to put up with?
If he’s being unreasonable, why not teach him a thing or two?
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I’m Aya, a female member.
You could try saying something along these lines:
“Sleeping in the car sounds nice, but when I was a student, I once went on an overnight road trip with a group of friends and ended up throwing up from motion sickness and lack of sleep… Ever since then, trips like that have been traumatic for me.”
Or:
“I went on a similar trip before, and I think sitting in the same position for so long caused my legs to swell and led to a blood clot.”
In other words, explain that:
- You have an unavoidable trauma from the past.
- A trip involving sleeping in the car would be extremely difficult—basically impossible for you.
If your papa (a male supporter) still keeps pushing the idea, it’ll probably only be stressful for you going forward. At that point, your options are either to turn down the trip altogether or endure it no matter what, purely for the money.
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I’m in Seattle.
If he seems like a papa (a male supporter) who might actually pay an allowance, explain things gently and try to manage, correct, and reform him.
If he’s too broke to get anything out of, he’s just a worthless idiot—write out everything you dislike about him in a several-thousand-word LINE message, send it to him, and call him asking, “Why are you ignoring me?”
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I’m Rin, a female SALON member.
If I forced myself to go, I don’t think either of us would enjoy it, so in that situation, I’d simply explain my reasons and politely decline. If he was willing to change the plans—such as taking the bullet train or staying at a hotel—I’d be happy to go.
I think it’s perfectly fine to have certain things you’re not willing to compromise on, don’t you?
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