The other day, when I met someone for the first time, things escalated to intimacy without showering. I was a little surprised, but I couldn’t find the words to ask him to shower without hurting his feelings, so in the end, we went through the whole encounter without showering.
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The conversation over dinner was enjoyable, and he was considerate in many ways, so I would like to see him again. However, the fact that he didn’t shower is still bothering me a little.
How should I bring it up next time and ask him to shower?
I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
There’s something exciting about doing it without taking a shower first, don’t you think? I imagine most women go along with it without showering, but are they a minority in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
Anyway, in situations like this, “reframing” is important. You simply reword the current situation so it sounds negative and in line with what you want.
People also tend to make poor judgments when you include two points in a single request.
Try saying:
“Papa, you’re being so eager—you’re like a high schooler lol.
I want to take a proper shower and have a more adult, intimate experience.”
If you just say, “I want to take a shower and get intimate,” he’ll probably want to say yes to the part about getting intimate, right? By casually adding “take a shower” to the request, he’ll naturally end up treating that as a yes too.
It’s a psychological technique that can be tiring to use in everyday life, but once you get used to it, you’ll find it easier to get your requests accepted.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
Apparently, some men won’t shower even when you ask them to. I’ve also received questions from women saying they were shocked to find that some men merely poured water over themselves without washing with soap.
They’re probably worried that their wife will notice the smell of the soap.
They might use unscented soap if you brought some along, but it’s also possible that their wife is suspicious even when they’ve showered.
So with men like that, I feel it’s perfectly fine to decide you’re simply not compatible and end things.
Of course, you do need to ask them, “Would you please take a shower?”
I mean that if they still refuse after you’ve asked, it’s okay to break things off.
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> Going all the way without taking a shower
It really kills the mood...
Once you get to the hotel, go fill the bath right away, and brush your teeth immediately.
Before that, go easy on the drinks.
Then say, “Would it be okay if I took a bath first?” and head straight to the bathroom.
That said, someone who doesn’t insist on bathing first can actually leave a very good impression—especially because it’s so rare.
—Paper Airplane, who always takes a shower before going out.
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Joe here.
For me, questions like this are “brain-drain questions.” The answer is simple: just take a shower.
Yet you ask, “How can I avoid hurting the other person?”—a question so brain-dead it’s dripping with nonsense—without realizing that you’re actually hiding your true feelings: that you don’t want to be hurt even one bit yourself. Think for yourself a little more before any more brain matter leaks out. Get it together!
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This is Ayase Nana☆
What would you do if it was a penis that hadn’t been washed properly? Some people even write in their Q&A posts that it smelled fishy.
Be clear about your wishes. Otherwise, they may say, “You never told me at the time.”
And what would you do if your own private parts smelled? That’s incredibly rude.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Ladies, if you don’t like something, say so.
If a papa goes in without protection, do you just let it happen because you can’t find the words to ask him to stop?
Personally, I think it’s basic etiquette to shower and brush your teeth beforehand.
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I’m Fuu, a columnist.
I don’t think there are many papas (male supporters) who are so sensitive that they’d be hurt if you said you wanted to take a shower.
Next time, how about just saying, “I’m going to take a shower first,” with a smile?
If you find it hard to say in person, you could mention it when making your next plans by LINE: “Let’s both shower before we meet.”
Washing with soap can make a big difference when it comes to odors and preventing infections.
Personally, I can’t imagine skipping both a shower and brushing my teeth...
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