Is there really a social expectation that it’s wrong not to have a partner at 26, and to live with your parents and rely on them?
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When I told all the men who approached me yesterday that I had no intention of getting into a relationship, nearly all of them said things like, “You’re at the age when you should be getting married,” or “You should be living on your own.”
I genuinely have no desire to get married, so I started wondering whether I’m the one who’s wrong.
What do you think?
I’m Nana Ayase ♡
If you can support yourself, I don’t think you need to get married.
Those guys who hit on you are old-fashioned. They must be getting on in years.
Don’t just blindly follow someone who approaches you. All they have on their minds is H.
Also, you’re not still having your parents support you at your age, are you?
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, one of the male members.
Lately, more and more men and women seem to have no desire to get married, and I find myself wondering whether it’s really a good thing that society has come to accept this trend.
As if that weren’t enough, we’re living longer, while Japan’s declining birthrate and aging population continue to worsen...
Is this really okay, Japan?!
Just the ramblings of a horny old man.
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I’m Fuu, a column writer.
Don’t take what pickup guys say at face value. They’re only saying that because they want to hook up, haha.
2015 Cabinet Office White Paper on Japan’s Declining Birthrate
Survey of unmarried women:
Ages 25–29: 61.3%
Ages 30–34: 34.6%
More than half of the women in the questioner’s age group are unmarried. Since this survey was conducted in 2015, I think people are getting married even later—and more are remaining unmarried—now.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
You don’t need to worry about someone saying you have to be married by 26—that’s just crazy.
But if you had that much conversation, you must have spent quite a while talking to him instead of ignoring him when he approached you. You seem almost too nice, honestly.
If it were me, I’d brush him off and leave right away. Guys who approach women like that usually do it just to satisfy their need for validation—to see how far their communication skills can get them with a woman. The longer you entertain them, the more drained you’ll feel.
I think it’s a waste to spend your time on something like that.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
That’s a very old-fashioned, Showa-era way of thinking, and frankly, none of your business.
I’m curious where this place is, where nothing but old guys come up and hit on you.
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I’m Joe.
Whether it’s the Showa era or not (and honestly, even if it were), telling someone to get married or find a partner is none of anyone else’s business. I can understand how you feel.
That said, why not move out once and see if it helps you appreciate your family home again? Living on your own isn’t bad, especially when you’re young.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here—I’ll answer too.
For example, in the Edo period, women were considered adults at 13, so the typical marriageable age was 16–17. Once they passed 20, they were called “toshimasu” (an older woman), at 24–25 “chūtoshimasu” (middle-aged), and at 28–29 “ōtoshimasu” (very old). In other words, they were considered past the ideal age for marriage.
Looking at a more recent example, during the Showa era, Christmas—meaning age 25—was seen as a kind of benchmark. So women over 26 were sometimes compared to Christmas cakes left unsold.
But these days, I don’t think people really say things like that anymore. The general attitude seems to be that you should get married when you want to, and that whether you marry or not is entirely up to you.
The man who approached you wanted to date you, so when you said, “I can’t date someone because I have no desire to get married,” he simply had to argue that it was strange not to get married if you wanted to be in a relationship.
If you had instead said, “I don’t want to get married, but I’m open to dating,” the conversation probably would have turned into one about how marriage is a personal choice.
I think he only happened to say that you should get married because his goal was to pick you up.
That said, what concerns me is that while whether or not to marry is certainly a personal choice, even today many people still seem to feel that relying on your parents while living at home is not ideal.
Even if you live with your parents, I think it’s better to work and support yourself without depending on them.
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I’m in Seattle.
As long as you save your money, you’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, if you’ve built up enough savings, life is freer and more enjoyable if you don’t get married.
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