I’m Saito♪, a columnist and an active male member.
Thank you for requesting me, Nonta. Haha.
Personally, I’m looking for an adult relationship (intimate), so I don’t meet women who only want tea or coffee…
I’ve been caught by things like the “I’ll do it, I’ll do it” scam and the “I got my period beforehand” scam, but for now, I uniformly give them 20,000 yen plus an Uber ride home within 90 minutes.
The only reason I add the extra is because I often hear that other men give 10,000 yen. If the next meeting is still just tea, I decide it was a scam and cut the meeting short.
As the questioner says, for people who fight hard at work every day, it’s rare to meet a woman who can surpass that experience. Even if she says she only wants dinner…
I often spend 1 million yen in Ginza, but it’s not so much about the women’s conversation as it is about having fun singing karaoke.
(The higher-class clubs in Ginza often have private karaoke rooms on another floor, separate from the main room.)
Once a woman has had even one particularly good experience, she tends to present it as the standard in conversation and embellish it with dreams and hopes.
So while you should listen to what the other person has to say, it’s more of a form of self-improvement to speak based on your own judgment and refine your sense of where the other person will feel satisfied.
I have some women I’ve been seeing for a long time whom I give 200,000 or 250,000 yen every month, even when I don’t meet them.
Recently, I’ve also given a woman who isn’t in the “black” category around 1 million yen worth of personal educational materials—esthetic treatments and the like—over the course of a month.
(She probably reads this site too.)
If you’re happy to give something, then give it. If you don’t want to, then don’t.
That’s all there is to it.
Everything is negotiable, so stay grounded in your own values.
Since everything is negotiable, don’t set rigid rules for yourself—try different things.
Either approach is fine, I think.
P.S.
If someone asked whether you’d pay a famous celebrity 100,000 to 1 million yen even at the first meeting without an adult relationship (intimate), the answer is that women like that join dating clubs with a sense of secrecy and determination, so it wouldn’t end with just tea.
(The only women saying things like that are those who do gravure modeling for outlets like Y〇〇〇〇〇〇.)
When it comes to women who can surpass them through conversation alone, it’s difficult to say whether you’ll actually find someone like that in a dating club.
I wasn’t called on, but（笑笑）this is Joe, your columnist.
This isn’t meant as a brag at all, but in my case, it’s perfectly normal to pay a set allowance for a dinner-only relationship, with no intimacy involved. The amount varies from woman to woman, but I cap it at ¥50,000. If someone asks for more than that, I decline to continue seeing her. So a pay-per-meeting allowance in the eight-figure range is completely beyond my imagination.
Among the people I know personally, there’s a close friend who’s an entrepreneur in his seventies. He meets one woman once a week, pays her ¥200,000 each time, and also takes her shopping. When I asked whether they had an intimate relationship, he got angry and said, “Of course not. I cherish her like she’s my granddaughter.” For him, the key seems to be that he genuinely feels as though she were his own granddaughter.
Compared with him, my arrangements are on a much smaller scale, and of course I don’t treat every woman that way. I’m not old enough to dote on someone “like a granddaughter,” either. In my case, the condition is that she has specific dreams or goals she wants to achieve, is working hard toward them, and has something endearing about her that makes me want to support her.
I’ve realized recently that she isn’t necessarily beautiful. The women I have in common are cheerful, glamorous, open to all kinds of food, able to drink, and interested in the arts in general. That said, I’ve only met three women through Universe and one elsewhere, so it’s not exactly a large sample.
When asked why I don’t want an intimate relationship, it’s difficult to explain. As a sort of official answer, I’d say that I can’t imagine anything more enjoyable than sharing beautiful things—paintings or theater—eating good food, drinking wine, and listening to them talk about their dreams. Our dates last the entire day, so sometimes there simply isn’t any time for sex. Even when we stay overnight, once alcohol is involved, things don’t work, and I get sleepy early anyway（笑苦笑）.
Writing this has made me realize that we do stay overnight in the same room, hold hands, and hug, so perhaps I can’t exactly say there’s no physical intimacy.
And there’s a punchline to this story: I did have an intimate relationship once each with two women I met through Universe（笑苦笑）. I’m still seeing one of them, so I can’t say for certain that it won’t happen again.
So please don’t respond with, “Then that’s what this was all about!”（笑）
