Do girls who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) have the right to fall in love? I’m a university student, but I’ve had intimate relationships with so many older men that I’m constantly at risk of STIs. I feel like someone like me, who does this for money, shouldn’t have a boyfriend, so I can’t let myself fall for anyone. There’s someone I’m interested in right now, but I feel like if I came to love him deeply, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for doing papa-katsu. If he found out, I think it would make him very sad, too… But I also have financial circumstances that make papa-katsu necessary, so I feel like maybe it would be best not to date at all. I’d love to have a boyfriend I was completely in love with—that’s something I’ve always admired. But normally, if you had a boyfriend you really loved, you wouldn’t do papa-katsu, right? Dinner only (no intimacy) might be one thing, but once you’ve had an intimate relationship with someone, it counts as betrayal, doesn’t it…?

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I pretty much agree with Make-otoko: I think it’s best to keep papa-katsu and your boyfriend separate in your mind. Your boyfriend is someone you love deeply. Your papa is someone important to you. I don’t consider my activities through the dating club to be an affair. My wife is someone important to me. The women I see through the club are people I love deeply. Someone important to you and someone you love deeply are completely different, aren’t they? Things get confusing when you put your boyfriend and your papa on the same level. If you give them different roles, there’s no problem at all（笑）

I’m Osaka, a male member. If I understand you correctly, you feel that, thinking about the feelings of a boyfriend you’re dating romantically, you personally couldn’t accept continuing papa-katsu as his girlfriend. I think what you’re saying is perfectly reasonable. More than “reasonable,” I understand it on an emotional level. Even if you had a boyfriend who accepted the fact that you do papa-katsu, it would still be painful for you, right? I had a girlfriend when I was younger, and if I had found out she was doing papa-katsu, I don’t think I could have accepted it. If I found out she had been hiding it, I probably would have been angry—or perhaps felt contempt—and broken up with her immediately. At the time, I naturally thought that if she was my girlfriend, she should only be dating me. You’re probably better suited to giving up papa-katsu once you get a boyfriend and start a romantic relationship. When I was in my twenties, the terms papa-katsu and compensated dating didn’t exist yet, but I did have a friend who dated men ten or twenty years older than her. I honestly couldn’t understand it and asked her about it. She told me boys her age were too immature, kind of pathetic, and too small-minded and incapable to respect. That really hurt my feelings. At the same time, I realized that relationships like that do exist, and that my narrow perspective might itself have been a sign of immaturity. Being young and inexperienced isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I had assumed older men were completely irrelevant to me and couldn’t possibly be rivals. In that sense, it was quite a shock. Of course, there are couples with large age gaps, and even marriages like that. So I don’t think it’s strange to view this as betrayal—not necessarily in the context of romance, but simply as a matter of feelings. I sympathize with you. As an older guy, I’d be sad to be discarded, but I’m prepared for the possibility that it could happen, haha. P.S. I reread this and realized I had no idea what I was trying to say, so here’s an addition: It’s fine to bring romantic feelings into this, but there are all kinds of relationships, and some people treat this as a contract or simply as something casual. So I guess what I’m saying is that the questioner is entitled to their own values, and there are people who sympathize with them.

I’m Hikōki, a male member. > But normally, if you have a boyfriend you truly love, you wouldn’t do papa-katsu, right? Dinner only is one thing, but once you have an intimate relationship with someone else, it becomes cheating, doesn’t it...? That’s true—most people don’t do papa-katsu. But since you are doing it, the question is: what should you do? With that mindset, it may be better to put romance on hold for a little while longer. I think it would be difficult to find a boyfriend while continuing papa-katsu, and there’s a high chance things would end up half-hearted.

I’m a loser of a male member. You absolutely have the right to be in love, so you don’t need to worry even a tiny bit. Your papa is the main course, and your boyfriend is dessert. Isn’t dessert what you truly find delicious? But if you don’t eat a well-balanced main course, you’ll become unhealthy. So if you need papa-katsu for your livelihood, I think it’s fine to make it your main course and enjoy your favorite dessert—your boyfriend—afterward. ※In a sense, it’s only natural for the main course to taste bad. It’s about nutrition, after all. Dessert goes into a separate stomach, so there’s no need to worry. I even advise my top girls to get boyfriends, and I seriously help them look for both boyfriends and potential marriage partners. Choosing to do papa-katsu is a difficult decision for a woman, and I believe the women who register with Universe Club do so with extraordinary courage. I don’t look down on papa-katsu girls at all—in fact, I respect them. Please be confident. And confidently go find yourself a boyfriend. If you were one of the women I’m seeing through papa-katsu, I’d do everything I could to help you find a boyfriend. Just because you get a boyfriend doesn’t mean you need to quit papa-katsu. I’ll say it again: dessert goes into a separate stomach. Besides, men are far more disgusting creatures. So there’s no need to worry. It’s totally fine to think and act selfishly. Any man who gets hurt by that is the one at fault—a pathetic little dickhead. Just throw away such a small-minded, short, uncircumcised man.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office will answer as well. > “The moment you have a physical relationship with someone, that counts as betrayal, doesn’t it...?” I think this way of thinking is rooted in the idea of monogamy. But is it really betrayal? And why would it be betrayal? Why not take some time to think about that? First, it may help to consider what “betrayal” actually means. In Japan, marriage is an institution designed, among other things, to make things easier for the government to manage. That is why the system is based on monogamy, with each person allowed to marry only one partner. So if a married person has a relationship with someone else, it is legally considered infidelity. Within the system of marriage created to make things easier for the government to manage, it is therefore treated as an act of betrayal. But that is simply how the rules were established. In the past, men could marry multiple women, and the law even envisioned the existence of mistresses. From a male-centered perspective, having physical relationships with multiple women was considered perfectly normal—not betrayal—until fairly recently. If you look at it that way, now that men and women are considered equal, it seems reasonable to argue that a woman having physical relationships with multiple men should not necessarily be considered betrayal either. That said, even in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), there are men who want you to see only them. So I do think it is fair to say that they would be hurt if they found out. But that only applies if they find out. If you want to be considerate of the other person, I think you should make an effort not to let them know. What you choose to do is a separate matter. > “Do women who do papa-katsu have the right to fall in love?” It’s not really a question of rights. Normally, these are considered separate things. You can have a boyfriend and still do papa-katsu. It may be worth thinking about what, exactly, is supposed to be the problem with that.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I believe you have that right. However, if you think the way the questioner does, I don’t think you should pursue a relationship. Incidentally, some men may consider even dinner only (no intimacy) to be a betrayal.