I’ve had a favorite woman in her 20s for three years, but lately she’s been asking me for things. For example, she says she wants a hair straightener or a necklace…
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She should be able to easily buy those things with the allowance I give her, so why does she expect someone else to buy them for her?
Is her thinking that she should save the allowance and have other people buy her the things she wants?
Also, when I look at the questions here, many of the answers say they would end the arrangement as soon as they started getting asked for things. Why is that?
I’m Meg, a female member.
I guess she’s made some papa-katsu friends—probably the kind of girls who tweet things like, “Tips for asking your papa for more!”
At first, they don’t know any better, but once they get influenced by that world, it’s disappointing to see.
No matter how old we get, I never want to forget the importance of staying humble.
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I’m in Seattle.
Maybe she isn’t satisfied with the allowance?
If she’s someone you don’t want to lose, ask how much she has in mind and raise it. Otherwise, it’s time to say goodbye.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If it’s been going on for three years, you’d think he could’ve already given her necessities like a hair straightener as gifts on occasion…
Neither asking for gifts nor being asked for them is a good look.
It sounds like resentment will build on both sides.
Since an allowance is already involved, there’s a big difference between asking for something and receiving a gift.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If you’re wondering why some men cut things off when they’re asked for extras, does that mean you actually enjoy being asked?
I end the arrangement because it’s obvious the requests will only escalate from there.
The sensible thing is to buy it yourself out of your allowance.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
In my case, I do allow requests, but since I’m one of the poor guys at the dating club, anything expensive comes with “guidance included!”
I’m also considering adding “punishment included!” from next time.
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This is Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer as well.
> Looking through the questions here, I often see people say they’ll end things as soon as they’re asked for something. Why is that?
I think it’s because they’re often asked for fairly expensive things, such as a bag costing around ¥200,000 or something worth about ¥1 million.
Many men can comfortably afford that much, but that may be exactly why being asked for things turns them off.
Someone who can’t afford it in the first place probably wouldn’t be asked, and even if they were, it would likely just become a funny exchange like, “Haha, no way—I can’t afford that.”
> For example, asking for a hair iron or a necklace.
Necklaces can be expensive, so it depends. But something like a hair iron seems like a pretty cute request, and I’d feel like buying one for her.
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I’m a female member named Aya.
As you suspected, I think she believes she should save her allowance and have other people buy her the things she wants.
From your wording, it sounds like you still like her, but her recent requests have started to cool your feelings a little. She may also be getting a bit too comfortable, thinking that since you’ve been together for three years, she can take things for granted. If it bothers you, I think you should be a little more direct with her.
I talk openly with a papa I’ve been seeing for a long time, telling each other what we genuinely dislike and working through our frustrations. Since there’s already a significant age gap, it’s unrealistic to expect us to communicate by simply reading each other’s minds.
If you let your dissatisfaction build up, you may end up cutting things off all at once. So why not take this opportunity to clearly tell her how you really feel?
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think it’s because they’re too presumptuous. They may not necessarily be saving it—instead, they might spend their allowance every month, so there’s nothing left over.
I don’t like presumptuous women, so I cut them off. If it were a favorite I’d been seeing for three years, though, I’d probably warn her before ending things.
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