A man I’d met before told me that, when he thinks of it as a relationship based only on money, he can’t go through with it because it feels like working in the sex industry. He asked what I thought, and personally, I never intended for this to be a purely transactional, money-money kind of relationship.

Just this morning, I was exchanging LINE messages with another respondent about something along those lines. I believe an allowance exists to maintain boundaries, given that both people have positions and circumstances they need to protect. I also see an allowance not as compensation for putting up with someone you dislike, but as compensation for having to hold back when you like someone yet can’t have everything you want. That’s the kind of thing I talk about with men. Marika

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. As a man, I do want to be seen as masculine and appreciated to some extent as a man. At the same time, some men want to take care of various things for the woman, but would rather she not bring up money. When it comes to the allowance, some men would prefer to leave it up to them—or, ideally, avoid that kind of exchange altogether so they don’t end up feeling disillusioned. Especially when it’s someone they want to continue seeing, some men don’t want to define the financial side of the relationship too specifically. I’m one of them. There may not be many men or women who place more value on relying on and supporting each other, rather than putting so much weight on the amount of money involved—but I believe they do exist.

I’m Dai, a male member. Since he’s a man who can’t understand what women are looking for, continuing to see him won’t benefit you, the questioner. You should recommend that he try a dating app or a matchmaking agency. Personally, I think it’s completely different from the sex industry.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here. > I’m grateful to be receiving regular offers, but I’d never encountered someone like that before. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There are a very small number of misguided men who don’t want to pay an allowance. I believe this is probably someone the women have given feedback about several times, so the club has likely warned him as well. However, the club’s warning would be along the lines of: “Wanting to date without paying an allowance goes against the purpose of a dating club, so that isn’t acceptable. We can’t allow that.” So I think he has simply changed his wording to something like, “What do you think?” Basically, he seems to be thinking, “If she’s okay with it, the club won’t complain.” That man is just looking for someone on a dating club who will be intimate with him for free. I think it’s perfectly fine to block him and not worry about it. If someone asks you that, you could say something like: “Are you perhaps here looking for a romantic partner? Could you tell me what you understand a dating club to be?” It may be helpful to draw out his views that way. He’ll probably present an answer that’s completely contrary to the purpose of a dating club as though it were obviously correct, so continuing would just be a waste of time. You only need to avoid seeing him again after the second meeting. That said, I really wish people would stop coming to dating clubs looking for romantic partners. A dating club is a place where people date while paying an allowance. People who say, “If you pay an allowance, it’s basically prostitution”—what are they talking about? Not paying an allowance means you’re looking for a romantic partner, which goes against the purpose of a dating club. And even when an allowance is paid, it isn’t prostitution. That’s how I see it. If you don’t want to pay money, then leave the dating club. That’s about the size of it.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. > “As long as I have a good relationship with the gentleman, genuine feelings on my part, and a standard allowance, that’s more than enough. (That said, I can’t do it without an allowance.)” I think that’s a perfectly good response to a man’s question. I imagine all the men at dating clubs have their own circumstances, so they probably already understand that an allowance is part of the arrangement. It may not be the nicest way to put it, but I think the mindset is basically: “Of course there’ll be an allowance, but please don’t bring me any trouble.” That said, it does seem like some men may think, “If I really like her, maybe she shouldn’t need an allowance at all…?” If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be fine to say, “I’d like us to keep this relationship within the framework of the dating club,” haha.

I’m a losing “papa” who’s a male member. You need to keep him dreaming in order to keep your papa, so how about phrasing it like this? “I feel the same way. I’m not looking for a transactional relationship either. I see you not as my papa, but as a man in your own right. However, as you know, things aren’t easy financially, and without your support, I become overwhelmed with anxiety about making ends meet and no longer have the emotional space to properly focus on you. So I’d like you to continue supporting me as you have been.” That said, if you responded to him sincerely and he still stopped contacting you, he was probably just hoping for a chance at free sex. So don’t let it bother you just because he cut you off. There are foolish papas like me whose purse strings loosen the more deeply they fall for the women they’re seeing. So let’s move on to the next one♪

I’m Aya, a female member. When a papa says, “I don’t want a relationship that’s only about money,” it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want to pay a single cent. He’s simply expressing his fear of being treated like an ATM or getting conned. So I think it’s best to reassure him and make him feel secure. If he says this early on, I’ll respond along the lines of, “I feel the same way. I’m not looking for a transactional relationship—I’d like us to respect each other,” and so on. In many cases, that helps him feel comfortable enough to give me an allowance. And if he doesn’t give me one after all, I can always end the relationship.