I’m Shingo Lee, a column writer.
Thank you for taking an interest in me. I hope that interest isn’t based on negative feelings.
I believe directing people to external sites violates the rules, so I’ll just say that I write columns for Universe Club. I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve studied psychology, statistics, and hypnotic suggestion on my own, mainly by reading commercially available books.
You can read my columns here, so I’d be happy if you took a look:
https://universe-club.jp/column/author/shingo-lee
I don’t really have a particular type of woman I like.
Among my past friends-with-benefits, there were beautiful women who had won local beauty pageants, as well as girls who had just moved to the city from the countryside and reminded me of Chie the Brat (she was charming and wonderful). I’ve also been with women from China, Thailand, Mexico, Canada, and other countries—not just Japan.
Their ages ranged from 18 (her parents were closer to my age than she was…) to a 44-year-old married woman who was open to an extramarital relationship.
Their personalities varied widely, from women with speech impediments and emotional instability to carefree gyaru girls. Slim, flat-chested, curvy, in the 80-kilogram range… truly, anything went.
I try to turn what I’ve learned through those wonderful encounters into my columns.
>>Can psychology make someone fall for you?
To cut to the chase, no, it can’t.
Psychology is basically statistics: an accumulation of data showing that “doing this makes it more likely that someone will think this way.” It isn’t all that powerful.
There are “psychological techniques” designed to apply that knowledge and increase the odds of success.
Imagine that motivation to take action is measured on a scale from 0% to 100%, and that someone takes action once their motivation reaches 100%.
Psychological techniques aren’t very effective at turning 0% or 10% into 100%. They’re better suited to turning 80% into 100%, or 50% into 80% and then reaching 100% by adding another benefit.
Learning these techniques can also help protect you, because when someone uses one on you, you’ll recognize it and think, “They’re using this technique on me.”
For example, when you’re hesitating over one item at a clothing store, hasn’t a salesperson ever said, “This one is cheaper—how about this?”
That technique replaces the original choice between “buying the item or not buying it” with a choice between “which is better, the cheaper one or the more expensive one?”
Some people will end up buying something, while others will still refuse even when this technique is used. But if you recognize what’s happening, you’re less likely to “accidentally” buy something, right?
There was a time when I used psychological techniques myself, but basically, I study them for self-defense, and that’s what I recommend. Techniques for “keeping a relationship comfortable” are fine to use, and there’s no downside to knowing them.
By the way—
>>I feel myself becoming dependent on my S-type papa (a male supporter) because he becomes gentle after intense sessions, and I can’t get enough of that kindness.
Praising someone after intense play is one of the most basic principles of BDSM.
I do the same, and although it depends on how the relationship has developed, I imagine most people do this.
Normally, that kind of contrast alone wouldn’t move someone’s heart so deeply.
I think the person asking this question simply enjoys the BDSM they share with him.
If you consider that you get to enjoy the kind of sex you like and receive at least a small amount of money as well, it seems like a pretty reasonable deal to me.
*I generally don’t like commenting on comments from anyone other than the person who asked the question, but I’d like to clarify one point because I don’t want incorrect information spreading.*
I’m not saying I’ve never had an offline hookup, but I generally don’t use online pickup methods, dating apps, or dating sites, and I don’t share know-how about them.
More than 95% of my activities are conducted offline.
I’m a male member who’s pretty much a loser.
Sorry for answering from a somewhat offbeat angle.
It reminded me of something my professor said at the beginning of a compulsory logical-thinking course during my MBA:
“Never use logical thinking with your partner or spouse. Men, in particular, should never try to argue women into submission.”
I’ve always followed that advice.
Let’s all get along!
I’m Aya, a female member.
Before I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I fell for the kind of calculated tactics you’re talking about and ended up involved with a controlling, emotionally abusive man with mental health issues and debt. He was constantly violent and verbally abusive, and it completely destroyed my self-esteem. After that bitter experience, I became much better at seeing through the “psychological tactics” used by trashy men.
So I feel it may be difficult to learn to spot those kinds of dangers without getting hurt at least once. They’re hard to recognize, aren’t they?
I don’t think I’ll ever let a man control me again. On the other hand, I can’t deny that I’ve developed a strong desire to control men myself, and I partly satisfy that through papa-katsu.
In any case, a real psychologist wouldn’t use psychology simply to fulfill their own desires through romance or relationships. It’s like how a boxer doesn’t go around punching people on the street.
