When I mention that I live alone, I sometimes get offers to use my place instead of a love hotel, with the rent paid as a monthly allowance.
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Has anyone ever made an offer like this?
What kind of rent amount do they have in mind?
I live in a one-room apartment that costs about ¥60,000 a month, so I always turn them down thinking it’s out of the question. (I make excuses like saying my younger sister often comes over or my parents might suddenly drop by.)
I don’t want them to think I’m all about the money, so I haven’t been able to ask how much they have in mind...
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I’ve never made an offer like that, and even as a man, I find it creepy.
You should never give out your home address, because if things go sour with a man and he turns into a stalker, you could end up in serious trouble.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, too.
I think it’s dangerous to let the other person find out where you live.
Since they’re trying to save money on a hotel, it just seems like a stingy proposal to me—just adding around 5,000 yen per meeting.
I’m not sure why you’re getting that suggestion so often, but as a general rule, I don’t think you should give a man your address.
Of course, that’s different if you’ve gotten close and feel you can trust him. Even then, though, it could become a hassle when you eventually break things off.
So basically, I think it’s best not to tell him your address or let him into your apartment.
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It’s me.
Using your own room as a love hotel is something you should simply refuse, regardless of the monthly arrangement amount.
So don’t even ask what amount he had in mind. You’d be taking on risks several times greater than the allowance all by yourself. Even if he’s an ideal papa right now, there’s no guarantee he won’t change completely the moment you agree to those terms.
In the worst-case scenario, if you ended up having to move, you might have to deal with all kinds of disadvantages on your own—not just paying the moving costs yourself. And if moving didn’t eliminate the risk, that would be the absolute worst.
Other than saving endlessly on hotel costs, does the man have any other reason or benefit?
Hypothetically, if you had built up a trusting relationship over a long period of time, then as a special occasion, and only if you both wanted it, visiting one another’s homes could be an option. Even then, though, not every time at your place. If he really wants to make the woman happy and values the time you spend together, he’d want to take her to different places and stay at different hotels, right?
Even if I genuinely liked and cared about the woman, I wouldn’t want every date to be at her place either.
From a man’s perspective, this is impossible too(^^;
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If you’re going to rent a place for her or cover her rent, you should at least make sure you have a clear understanding of her privacy and personal circumstances.
In the past, keeping a mistress usually meant “supporting” her financially, but since people often met through their workplace, both parties already knew each other’s personal details.
Of course, this isn’t light papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan); it’s more like an old-school Japanese mistress arrangement. So why not tell her, “To support you properly, I’d need to provide an allowance of around ¥300,000 a month on top of the rent”?
If she rejects that proposal, it’s probably not that you’re being too money-minded—the issue is that you’re simply a stingy man who isn’t financially capable of supporting a woman at that level.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I’m not entirely sure what she means, but taken literally, it could mean that, separate from the allowance for pay-per-meeting or monthly arrangements, he would also pay a monthly amount as rent for the place, essentially using it instead of a love hotel. Otherwise, if it’s only enough to cover the rent, it wouldn’t really add up as an allowance, would it?
But while you might be able to invite female friends over even if the place is a little messy, you can’t exactly bring your papa (a male supporter) there, can you?
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
I wouldn’t recommend accepting this offer.
Having someone else hold your housing over you is incredibly stressful.
You’re probably doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money, but prioritizing money at the expense of your freedom and safety is a bad move.
What would you do if they said, “I’ve been covering your entire rent, but starting next month, you’ll have to pay half yourself every month. If you don’t like it, move out”?
Avoid putting yourself in a position where the terms can suddenly become unfavorable to you.
Money is important, but make sure you protect the things that matter more than money—your personal information, for example.
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I’m a male member who’s always losing out.
The women I’m seeing sometimes invite me over to their place, saying, “Come to my apartment,” but I’d turn it down even if it came from the woman I value most and want to keep seeing.
I don’t think you should invite a papa (a male supporter) into your home, or let him enter your private sanctuary.
But I suppose that’s none of my business.
Maybe it’s best to set the rent you’re asking him to help with while considering what you’ll do if you eventually part ways.
If the rent is too high, it’ll be difficult when he cuts you off—or when you decide to cut him off.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I don’t know what kind of monthly allowance you have in mind.
If you’re talking about the rent for a woman living alone, it would of course depend on her age, expected annual income, and where she lives, but I’d say roughly ¥50,000–¥100,000.
Unless the terms involved meeting once a month or so, I don’t think that level of allowance would be enough to support a woman on an ongoing basis, so I’ve never made that kind of proposal to anyone I was seeing.
On the other hand, I was once introduced by an acquaintance to a woman who wanted someone to support her by renting her a place costing ¥150,000 a month, and I did.
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