Thank you so much for all the answers earlier. I’m the person who asked about disliking his arrogant attitude.
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Actually, he isn’t arrogant toward me—he treats restaurant staff, taxi drivers, and employees at other facilities arrogantly.
He seems to really like me. He sends me long LINE messages expressing his love almost every day, and he put me on a monthly arrangement before we even became intimate. Apparently, although he had been registered with the club for nearly three years after being more or less forced to join by a friend, he never felt that any of the women had a spark. Even if they were beautiful, he wasn’t attracted to them and never made an offer to anyone. Then he found me, fell in love at first sight, and decided that I was the only one for him. Because of that, he left the club on the very day we met.
He looks down on anyone he doesn’t approve of. He has even told me, “A beautiful woman like you needs to wear things that match your beauty and show all the ugly women around you just how beautiful you are—that you have men who spoil you. I’ll give you everything you need for that. You shouldn’t associate with ugly people or people without money.”
Even so, I think the reason my allowance is low is that he wants a relationship more like romantic partners and would rather give me lots of presents than money.
Other men in the same line of work have told me, “That person is definitely very influential, so you should stay with him even if you don’t like it.” I’ve been agonizing over whether I should continue seeing him as long as he is kind to me.
However, I’ve lost any attraction I had toward him.
Given all this, if I reduce our meetings to twice a month, will he realize that I dislike him?
I’m Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu, and I’ll answer this too.
> That’s why the man had already left the club on the day he met me.
I’m not sure he really quit, so try asking the staff:
“Could you hide the profile of ○○, whom I went on a date with before? I heard he joined through a friend, so please hide that friend’s profile too.”
The staff might accidentally say, “He’s already quit,” but if they say, “We’ve hidden them,” then there’s a good chance he hasn’t actually left. (笑)
Also, if the man accidentally says something like:
“Did you hide my profile?”
or
“Did you quit the club?”
then he hasn’t quit. (笑)
If he had already left and you tried registering again, but then he said something like:
“Are you looking for a papa even though I’m here?”
or his attitude suddenly changed, I’d suspect he hadn’t actually left the club.
He might try to make excuses, saying he heard about it from a friend, for example, but I feel like that excuse wouldn’t really hold up.
> Given all this, would reducing our meetings to twice a month make it obvious that I dislike him?
He might suspect that’s the reason, but if you prepare a clear explanation, such as:
“I’ve gotten busy,”
or
“I got a boyfriend,”
I don’t think he’ll necessarily conclude that you’re uncomfortable with him.
Telling someone who tends to get jealous that you have a boyfriend might be difficult, but the idea that the number of meetings would decrease because you got a boyfriend does make sense logically.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
Your feelings are perfectly reasonable.
Perhaps he, too, went through a difficult period when he didn’t have much money.
That doesn’t excuse treating other people arrogantly. I think people who act that way are ultimately just pitiful, because it will come back around to them.
If you still have some kindness left for him, try gently calling your papa (a male supporter) out on his behavior.
Tell him, “It makes me sad when you act that way.”
As long as he really cares about you, he may change his ways.
I couldn’t do it, though…
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
> I was more or less forced by a friend to join.
If they didn’t need it, no one—man or woman—would want to join the club in the first place.
I think you should date someone who’s kind to other people as well.
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I don’t see a single appealing quality in this man.
I think your instincts are right.
Personally, I’d hate to be mistaken for someone like him just by being seen together.
If you need the money, you could put up with seeing him three times a month. If you’re not struggling financially, though, I wouldn’t start dating him.
He seems completely smitten, so maybe it’s better to give it a try and then tell him it’s not working out after all.
It really depends on the vibe.
Though honestly, all I’m getting is the scent of a terrible guy.
Marika
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I’m a male member who got played.
I’m willing to bet he hasn’t actually left the club.
He probably just asked the club to make a note along the lines of:
“If any women inquire, please tell them I’ve already withdrawn.”
So, as a strategy, you should first ask the club to hide you from that male member. Then put up with seeing him three times a month until you find your next papa (a male supporter). Once you’ve found one, tell him:
“I’d like to reduce it to twice a month.”
Also, when a male member says, “I’m leaving the club because I met you,” that’s just a very casual throwaway line—about as casually used as when a female member tells her papa, “I’d love to see you” (meaning, “Please give me my allowance”).
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I’m not sure why another man in the same line of work told you, “He’s an amazing person, so you should date him even if you don’t like him,” but based on what you’ve written, he doesn’t seem amazing at all.
It must be difficult to act like a couple with a man you’re not attracted to, but I suppose it depends on how well you can play the part.
In any case, there’s no point overthinking everything. Why not try an adult relationship (intimate) just once and see how it goes?
Before even trying an adult relationship, are you really sure you could commit to a monthly arrangement—or put up with painful intimacy if that man is rough?
I also don’t really understand why you could tolerate meeting three times a month but not twice.
Even if you say you want to reduce how often you meet, a man who likes you that much surely wouldn’t assume it’s because you dislike him.
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Truly impressive people don’t talk like that.
If you lose even a little of your youth, will he start calling you an old lady?
Anyone who can’t judge people by their character is simply pathetic.
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