I’m currently seeing one papa (a male supporter). At our first meeting, I received 1 for transportation, plus an allowance for an adult relationship (intimate).

I’m columnist Saito♪ Maybe another woman offered better terms, but I also get the feeling that this man isn’t very popular… Let’s look for another man. If you can’t find anyone else, you’ll have to decide for yourself where you’re willing to compromise.

Maezawa from the president’s office here. At Universe Club, the rule for the first date is that the woman receives ¥5,000–¥10,000 as transportation expenses. So, for the first Universe-arranged dinner date, she would receive ¥10,000, followed by an allowance of +α through a private relationship. However, there is no rule requiring the man to give her ¥10,000 on the second date. So whether they have dinner or not, it’s generally understood that he won’t pay another ¥10,000, and I think most men continue the relationship with only the α portion of the allowance. I’ve mentioned this here several times because some men offer only the α portion from the very first date. Please realize that if you were given ¥30,000, for example, ¥10,000 of that is transportation expenses, meaning you actually received only ¥20,000. That said, even those men may offer only the α portion from the second date onward. So technically, they aren’t following Universe’s rule that women receive ¥5,000–¥10,000 on the first date. But to get back to the main point: Even if the first date is ¥10,000 + α, you should assume that from the second date onward, it will be α only. So if the initial α amount is low and you think, “I guess it’s fine if he adds another ¥10,000,” that probably won’t happen. It would be better to negotiate the α portion properly from the beginning and decide not to continue if the terms don’t work for you. In any case, that man was being shortsighted. It’s easy to see that saying something like that will affect the relationship later on. So when the questioner says, “Even if someone who talks about services and options tells me he wants to treat me like a girlfriend, it completely turns me off…” that’s perfectly natural. It doesn’t mean you’re unsuited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan); you simply weren’t suited to being involved with that particular man. If things don’t go the way future men expect, they’ll probably say similar things. If you don’t think you can let comments like that slide, I think it would be better to end the relationship. That said, ideally, it would be good to develop the ability to brush things off lightly. But you shouldn’t force yourself.

I’m Fuu, a column writer. To avoid that misunderstanding, I explain it when discussing the terms. For the first offer, the transportation fee is given upfront, so the payment is the transportation fee plus the allowance. From the next meeting onward, it’s pay-per-meeting and only the allowance is paid. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not suited for this. Female members also have the right to decline if they’re uncomfortable, so saying no is an option. Calmly consider whether you’re likely to receive future offers, then decide whether to put up with it and continue or end things because it’s too much. I agree, it can be a real turnoff when they bring up “extras” so directly. Still, it may be worth understanding that, deep down, some men see the allowance as compensation for satisfaction and may feel reluctant to pay if they aren’t satisfied. I think you’ve done a great job accommodating all kinds of requests.

I’m Meg, a female member. Well, being spoken to that way would definitely kill the mood… This isn’t a sales job, after all. I feel like the kind of person who makes you genuinely want to help him, comfort him, or do something nice for him in return wouldn’t say something like that.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. To put it simply, that man is creepy. But in a way, he’s also pretty gullible—the kind of guy you could easily play. You can’t increase his allowance, but he’s the type who gets overjoyed if you respond the way he wants, so he’s an easy customer. You can play him. That said, I think you’d need to keep things under control so he doesn’t take it too far. Of course, clubs attract female members with idealistic promises. But reality is different. More than chasing ideals, what you need is the ability to survive in the real world and make compromises. There are people who are and aren’t suited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but every woman involved has different goals and motivations. Some aren’t suited to it, yet still choose to make it work and draw their own boundaries. It’s not about whether you’re suited to it—it’s a choice.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. In my case, we had an arrangement where I paid an allowance plus transportation costs for the first full two years. Once we entered the third year, though, I stopped covering transportation and reduced the total allowance. Well, I’m an old man, so when we first started seeing each other, I figured that arrangement would be fine for me… But now that we’re well into our third year, things are still going great even with the reduced allowance（笑） Whether it’s a love hotel or anywhere else, she always rushes in ahead of me. And if she looks even a little dressed up, she’ll try to take off her mask in public, so I have to say, “Stop! Please don’t!” because everyone will be staring（笑） There are many different ways to have an arrangement like this. Ask for what you want, compromise where you can, and find terms that you’re both comfortable with and that benefit you both. If you can make that work, I think that’s all you need.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Unlike mizu or kaze, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is based on the man pleasing the woman and giving her an allowance to match. So, in that sense, men aren’t really suited to papa-katsu. For men, simply paying the price doesn’t guarantee they’ll achieve what they want. They have to create their own value. The reason you felt it was “1+α” is probably because the man’s words and actions left something to be desired. That said, it’s also hard to say that you’re particularly suited to papa-katsu after making that remark.

I’m Dai, a male member. When a first meeting develops into an adult relationship (intimate), I offer an allowance that includes transportation costs from the outset. So I would give the same amount on the second date as I did on the first. However, I assume the man you went on a date with this time paid 1 for transportation when you met, then paid α when things progressed into an adult relationship. The club tells men to always give ¥5,000–¥10,000 for transportation at the first arranged date, so that’s why he paid it upfront when you asked. From his perspective, since that transportation payment doesn’t apply on the second date, he probably thinks it’s only natural for the second date to be ¥10,000 less than the first. This is a fairly common issue, but since these are private relationships, I think the people involved should settle on whatever they’re both comfortable with. That said, if you’re saying you’ll spend time together like a couple, I can understand why terms like “services” and “options” would feel out of place. Still, if going into a love hotel with an older man is too much for you, I’m not sure papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is really a good fit.

I’m Kazu, a male member. Based on your question, I don’t think papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is necessarily not for you. You probably just accepted an offer from someone difficult right from the start. It’s not exactly advice, but there are all kinds of people out there, so I don’t think you should dwell on one man. It’s important to make it clear when something makes you uncomfortable.