I’m a male member, and I’d appreciate your opinions on how you would respond to a sudden request like this on the third date, including the club arrangement.
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After dinner, just as we were about to head to a hotel, she said she wanted to look at some luxury leather goods. I had no choice but to go to a department store and buy her a gift. It seemed she had already decided what she wanted. Since it cost about twice the usual allowance, I got her to agree that there would be no cash allowance, and we did proceed with the adult relationship at the hotel.
Looking through this Q&A site, I’ve seen quite a few people say that being asked for gifts is a major turn-off. But when things actually unfold like this on the day, it’s surprisingly difficult to refuse. I was hoping someone could suggest a good way to turn down such a request. She hadn’t mentioned anything like that during dinner, but I feel as though my desires were neatly held hostage.
I’m ashamed that, as a man in my 50s, I couldn’t firmly put an around-thirty papa-katsu girl in her place, and I’ve been reflecting on that. To be honest, her chemistry in bed is good, and I think my desire to continue seeing her is also part of the reason I gave in.
It’s entirely my own fault, but I’d appreciate any advice on how to handle or deflect requests like this in the future. Thank you.
I’m Dai, a male member.
There’s no really good way to dodge it. If you continue seeing her, she’ll probably keep asking for designer goods whenever there’s an anniversary or special occasion.
If you want to keep the relationship going, accept that she’ll ask for designer items every two or three dates.
Personally, I’d never continue.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I’ve had women make requests like that several times, but I just completely ignore them. I’ve even been taken to the store, but I managed to leave without buying anything. It’s not wise to firmly tell them off. Just smile, stay pleasant, and gently brush it off. Like pushing against a reed screen—your arm gets nowhere.
If she insists on that kind of thing and it makes you uncomfortable, then your terms simply don’t match. No matter how great she is, if the terms don’t work for you, it’s better to move on decisively and look for someone else. Even if you give in to her demands, you’ll only stay frustrated and nothing will change. Invest that time and energy in meeting new people, and you’ll eventually find someone who’s a good fit.
Also, women you’re physically compatible with aren’t particularly rare. I think that feeling is a common illusion when you haven’t met many people.
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I’m Kazu, a male member who got a late start because I was having sex with my partner.
When she agreed that there wouldn’t be any cash allowance, if what she wanted cost about twice the allowance, I think it would be fine to say, “Well, then you can afford it if you meet me one more time.”
That said, I’d probably say goodbye right there. I’d rather be with a woman who’s fun to talk to than one who’s especially compatible physically.
The woman I’m currently intimate with recently mentioned that we’ve been together for over a year and said, “Thank you for everything this past year.” She gave me chocolates for Valentine’s Day, so I gave her a ¥20,000 Amazon gift card in return, but she’s never once asked me for a present.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
She’s a real pro at papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If you don’t know what you’re doing, they’ll probably just manipulate you…
Be careful not to let them keep stringing you along and draining your money.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I have to admit, I found it kind of amusing. I think you got so caught up in trying to get what you wanted cheaply that you ended up digging yourself into an even deeper hole.
With her, you originally couldn’t even go to a hotel unless you bought her designer goods. You should just accept that your respective market values only matched once designer goods entered the picture.
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I’m Shingo Lee, a columnist.
If you enjoy wondering, “What’s the right choice here? I’m so torn!” then you can keep responding the way you have been—or try turning them down—and enjoy figuring it out.
If it’s causing you stress, I think it’s perfectly fine to stick with adult entertainment services instead.
Even if you have good “sexual compatibility,” men’s bodies aren’t wired to experience pleasure as complexly as women’s. Having been with nearly 200 people myself, I’ve been able to enjoy satisfying sex with most women, so I don’t think you need to worry about it too much for now.
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