After reading through some of the questions and answers from the past, something suddenly occurred to me, and I would appreciate hearing everyone’s thoughts.
I’ve heard that men often tell women, “Don’t find another papa besides me.”
I don’t really understand why someone would say this. It feels like placing excessive restrictions on a woman’s choices, and I find myself thinking, “How can you say that?”
For the male respondents: have you ever been told this—or said it yourself? If you have said it, how did you feel about doing so?
Conversely, for the female respondents: how would you feel if a man said this to you?
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
I think people who say, “Don’t date anyone else,” are either seeing other people themselves or at least considering the possibility.
That’s just human nature—we become anxious about something when we’re doing it ourselves. It’s an easy-to-read lie detector.
I treat it as a kind of social courtesy and simply smile and say, “Okay.”
I understand why someone might want to say it, but I feel that people who choose not to are genuinely good and worth cherishing. Everyone should live their own life—you be you, and I’ll be me.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
Tetsu,
After receiving your offer, I immediately put my membership on hold. I understand that you asked me not to see anyone else because you really liked me.
Still, I’m always plagued by insecurity, and because I love you so much, I end up crying in front of you!
Even if there were other women, we can’t be together all the time, so there’s no point in dwelling on it…
I’ll simply trust your words when you tell me you cherish me, and keep building our days together.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
When someone believes we’re mutually in love, I don’t go out of my way to deny it, and I let him think he’s the only one.
The other papa lives outside Tokyo. He asked me, “What would it take for me to have you all to myself?” So I told him, “I might consider it if you lived in your hometown for one week a month and in Tokyo for the other three weeks.”
He just went, “Hmm…” lol
Oh, you’re asking how I feel about them.
I’m happy to be liked, but it feels a little suffocating.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
In my case, I’ve never told a woman, “Don’t have any other papas besides me,” but I have said, “Please keep your partners to a minimum—preferably no more than two, including your boyfriend.”
The reasons are to prevent sexually transmitted infections and to keep the relationship private.
I decided on my basic approach when I joined the dating club, and I’m conducting my activities accordingly. The column that helped me formulate that approach was Saito’s “My Thinking Became Strange After Joining a Dating Club.” I’ve described the details in my own column, so please take a look there.
I’m not a female respondent, but I’ll share a little about the woman I’m seeing.
When she first joined the dating club, she apparently received several offers and went on dates. Before long, though, she had “voluntarily withdrawn.”
Recently, I heard her say, “Having a boyfriend is fine. But changing men every day isn’t. …I’m probably the longest relationship you’ve had with a man, whether through a dating club or otherwise.”
We both answered, “Yes.”
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I don’t have the financial means, so that’s definitely not something I could say myself ^^;
But if I had money to spare and found someone I really clicked with, I’d love to offer a reasonable monthly allowance and say those words.
If someone ever said, “I’m choosing you, Flag Maker!” it would be pretty uncool to reply, “Sorry! Please keep looking for another papa too m(_ _)m”
*I’ve only been told that twice so far, lol.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Given my own situation, I really can’t say much, but among Type A women, more of them seemed to feel that way—that they only wanted to see one person.
Some even made it clear that they would only consider someone who was also seeing just one person, and turned me down without hesitation.
On the other hand, Type A women and Type B women who leaned toward A were also the ones who would quickly suspend or cancel their memberships.
Perhaps because they generally received anywhere from zero to two or three offers regardless of class, some women would subtly hint—or directly say—that they wanted their papa (a male supporter) to be their only one.
When that happens, I imagine that both types of men—those who focus on just one woman and those capable, well-off men who date several women like that—would tell her what she wants to hear: “I want you to have just one papa.” That way, both sides end up getting what they want. (I’m neither that type nor capable of supporting that kind of arrangement.)
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I feel the same way—I can’t believe they have the nerve to say that. If that’s how they feel, they should just propose marriage. People who say things like that forget that the other person has a life of their own.
Adding this after reading Riichi’s answer:
There probably are men who want to hear, “You’re the only papa.” If she took it one step further and said, “Leave your wife!” I’d kind of like to see how they’d react lol.
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