I have a question that quite a few male members probably run into!
I’d especially like to hear from women.
And please, anyone but Mr. Mac. His answers usually end up sounding like bragging, and they’re so far removed from common sense that I don’t even want to read them or find them useful, so please don’t post them! Staff, please don’t post Mr. Mac’s answer even if he submits one! 😭
This is about a girl I met who became a real favorite of mine. From a woman’s perspective, which of these would feel more comfortable?
① A man who accepts her continuing with the club and supports her indefinitely.
② A man who offers terms that will be reliably stable for more than 10 years, but won’t allow her to do papa-katsu with anyone else.
For example:
・“I’m sure you have other papas, but I really don’t mind. If anything ever bothers you, though, come to me in the end—I’ll listen to your complaints or anything else. I still want an intimate relationship, and the financial support won’t change, but I’ll never cut off contact and will keep supporting you.”
・“For your sake, I’ve prepared a legal contract guaranteeing that I’ll transfer several hundred thousand yen to you every month for 10 years. You can meet me at whatever pace works for you. So I want you to limit your activities to me, graduate from papa-katsu, and spread your wings by pursuing what you really want to do.”
These are extreme examples, but what do you think?
There’s a girl I genuinely want to support. We don’t need intimacy more than occasionally anymore, and all I want is for her to live a fulfilling life and really shine as an independent adult.
From a woman’s perspective, which would make you feel more comfortable and more willing to maintain a long-term relationship: ① one man providing legally guaranteed, stable support, or a man who accepts you doing papa-katsu as a somewhat ambiguous but non-possessive arrangement?
I imagine some male members who have just started out run into this kind of situation too. Thanks in advance.
I’m Saito♪, a club columnist.
① A man who accepts that you’ll continue using the club and keeps supporting you indefinitely.
〇
② A man who offers terms that are guaranteed to remain stable for over 10 years, but won’t allow you to do papa-katsu with anyone else.
〇 (It’s fine—I’ll just lie and meet other men too.)
I think there are quite a few women who keep their membership in a dating club secret from their families.
Do you really think women who joined without telling their families will simply do whatever some male member tells them?
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Like the other respondents, I think she’d appreciate support without expecting anything in return—ongoing allowance, for as long as possible.
That said, above all, I think the best approach is to give her the kind of support she actually wants. It’s also possible that she isn’t looking for long-term support.
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I’m a male member, and my username is Paper Airplane.
Wouldn’t things work out if you didn’t expect anything in return at all?
As for point ①, I think it’s best not to interfere.
You seem to have more than enough in terms of your feelings, financial resources, and way of thinking. So from here, I suppose it all depends on whether you can move her heart.
If you want her to focus solely on you or leave the club, it would be better not to ask for that directly. Instead, guide her toward wanting it herself.
Rather than simply being cherished, I think a woman will develop those feelings when she wants to be cherished.
And even if she starts feeling that way and says so, the man should keep a poker face and show no delight.
Then, if she naturally starts strongly wishing for you to focus on her, I think she’ll be the one to take action.
Revising the example message, it might be:
“I’ve prepared a written agreement promising to transfer ¥○○○,000 to you every month for the next ten years, without fail. You can meet me at whatever pace you’re comfortable with. I’ll always support you! I don’t plan on seeing anyone else, so I’ve left the club. I want you to freely pursue whatever you want and spread your wings.”
P.S. Did Mac-san accept it…?
Honestly, I sometimes think that rather than spending ages agonizing over ten years’ worth—or even just one year’s worth—of payments, you need the guts to hand it over or have her receive it upfront, even if you’re prepared to throw away the amount you wrote down. Otherwise, maybe you won’t be seen as a real gentleman—or be popular…
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I’m Adventure Merchant, a column writer.
I’m a man, but I’d like to add my two cents.
In my case, I don’t try to restrict women in any way. I make it clear that they’re free to do as they please.
Of course, if it’s a woman I’m especially fond of, I’ll feel jealous and insecure too. But I would never pressure her to choose only me.
Whether or not a woman decides to have just one male supporter is something she should decide for herself.
The questioner listed this as option ②:
“A man who offers terms that are guaranteed to remain stable for over 10 years, but won’t allow her to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) with anyone else.”
But does a man really have the authority to forbid a woman from doing papa-katsu with anyone other than him? I don’t believe he has that authority at all.
For that reason, I doubt a woman would ever truly feel comfortable dating a man like the one described in option ②.
Personally, I think women would obviously feel much more comfortable with:
① A man who continues to support her indefinitely while accepting that she’ll remain active with the club.
If that kind of relationship continues, the woman may gradually become attracted to the man, and eventually choose to see only him—not because he demanded it, but because that’s what she genuinely wanted.
Isn’t that the most natural and happiest kind of relationship?
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