I’m a woman. I’ve been seeing a married man for several years after declining an allowance. We meet about once every ten days.

I’m in my 30s and a new member. I feel the same way as Mac-san in the answer above. I don’t intend to get divorced, but I do want to have some fun, which puts me in a difficult position. Maybe it’s because everyone I’ve had that kind of relationship with before was single, but they usually had some degree of a desire to get married. I couldn’t meet those expectations, and the more I came to like them, the more painful and exhausting it became for me as well. That’s why I eventually found my way to Universe Club. I’m not sure whether the person asking this question can understand it right now, but if you meet another genuinely good single man, I think you’ll eventually look back at your current relationship and feel that you wasted your time. Your current man doesn’t seem to have any real kindness or consideration. In a sense, I think he’s an utterly selfish and terrible man. After all, he’s getting a single woman emotionally invested while keeping her on the side without divorcing his wife. I believe there’s someone else out there who would value and treat you much better.

I’m BB7, a male member. I’m married, but I believe the biggest difference between marriage and dating is having and raising children. If wanting to get married means wanting children, then I think continuing to date this man carries significant risks. If you’ve given up on having children of your own and are financially independent with enough means to support yourself, then continuing the relationship may still be an option. However, as long as your partner is married, you’ll have to accept that the relationship comes with various risks and complications. Unfortunately, Japanese society is tied to the institution and formal framework of marriage—even if it is technically just a piece of paper.

I’m Saito, a columnist ♪ I completely agree with Mack’s answer. > If I were in his position, I think I would cut ties with you the moment you offered to decline the allowance. I would definitely cut ties too. Men need to realize that they’re ruining an important time in a woman’s life. The fact that you’re being made to worry about something like this—and being put in a position where you even have to ask for advice—just doesn’t sit right with me. (It may not technically violate any rules, but still...) I think dating clubs should be about fleeting romance, and men also need to treat women with consideration and proper manners. Otherwise, both sides may end up facing a terrible outcome. It could even turn into a hellish ending—one that neither person can take back. > He’s too flawless to find fault with. From the perspective of some dating-club members, though, he’s practically overflowing with things to criticize.

I’m Seattle, a male member. If he’s divorced and has no intention of getting married, then, as Lula and Dateyume have written, he may simply have to enjoy the situation as it is. I’m divorced myself, but I don’t want to remarry. Even when I’m 80, I don’t think I’ll feel lonely as long as I have friends, and I’m tired of married life. Considering whether a man who’s having an affair and isn’t satisfied with his marriage would actually want to remarry, the bar may be pretty high.

I’m Rurara, a male UC member and a member of the new salon. That’s a very profound topic. I’m divorced, and I’m currently enjoying a wonderful romantic relationship. As for whether I would marry my partner, though, I probably wouldn’t. I think we would choose to remain in a romantic relationship and grow old together, even though we love each other enough that marriage would be perfectly possible. What does it really mean to have a “desire to get married”? I understand the appeal. If you get married, people will celebrate you, your parents will feel reassured, you can openly call yourselves a couple, it becomes easier to have and raise children, you can benefit from various systems and legal arrangements as Date◎Yume-san wrote, and you won’t have to face old age alone… But I find myself wondering: what meaning does marriage actually have for the two people who are in the relationship? I strongly disagree with the idea that “if you’re seriously in love with someone, you should marry them.” In my previous marriage, we got married simply because we both wanted to get married “for the time being.” We were celebrated, and we had one child… but my married life was hell. I didn’t enjoy it at all. Even without the framework of marriage, two people who truly love each other can stay together for a long time. And even if the relationship eventually ends, that’s okay too. Even if I end up alone and lonely in my old age, I feel that having experienced a serious romantic relationship will give me the strength to live out the rest of my life. And in this online society, no matter how old you are, you can make friends and find people to connect with if you want to. It’s rare for anyone to become completely alone in the world. I’m in my forties, but forty years from now, when I’m in my eighties, “papa-katsu for people in their eighties” might even be popular. I want to continue my romantic relationship with my current partner for as long as possible. That said, even though we don’t plan to marry, we are serious about each other, so I went to introduce myself to her parents. I told them, “I have no plans to marry your daughter, but I’m serious about my relationship with her. I support her financially, and we spend our time together giving each other both stimulation and comfort.” At first, her parents were quite bewildered. But they eventually understood that I wasn’t taking the relationship lightly, and by the end, I felt that they had more or less accepted us. In this new Reiwa era, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to consider a relationship that prioritizes love without being bound by the traditional framework of marriage. As for my answer, I would encourage the person asking this question to let go completely of the desire to “get married” and face the person they’re currently happily seeing with honesty and sincerity. In the extreme, the desire to get married may be nothing more than a fantasy.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. > I want to get married. I don’t want to spend my whole life alone. Looking at Japan’s current social structure, married people far outnumber those who aren’t, so many systems are designed to work best for married couples. Even if your husband passes away, you gain rights such as inheritance, and various forms of support for your life afterward are more favorable. There are times when life is more enjoyable with two people than alone. In that sense too, I feel that getting married might be a good choice. > I can’t stop thinking about how I could continue seeing him even after getting married... > Things are going so well that not knowing when to end it is becoming a problem. He’s married, and there’s no end goal for us. I think it would be best to keep your marriage and your relationship separate in your mind. I’m sorry to bring up my own situation, but in my case, I keep the two separate in how I live my life. Everyone has different living circumstances, social positions, and financial situations. Things rarely work out exactly as we imagine. Why not pursue your ideal, while making small adjustments wherever reality doesn’t quite match? If you think of it simply as a relationship, relationships can exist in all kinds of places, and I feel that there’s nothing wrong with having different forms of relationships.