A former female member shared her thoughts on the “short older guy problem,” so Kida is posting them here on her behalf.
I always enjoy reading the question box.
For some reason, I just couldn’t ignore that “short older guy” who keeps popping up in the question box, so I wanted to share my thoughts.
Height really doesn’t bother me at all.
After all, the men you meet through a dating club aren’t your boyfriend, you’re not marrying them, and they’re not someone you’re going to walk around with and show off.
I might wonder whether it’s okay to wear heels, a hat, or an updo.
And if a profile said, “I’m a short older guy—is that okay?” I’d probably find it endearing and think, “What a funny guy.”
Everyone has different things they care about and things they don’t, and I’m not sure how generalizable this is, but I thought I’d share my own list.
■ Absolutely unacceptable
・Breath that smells like a sewer
・Aggressive and confrontational
・Insults your character when he can’t make a woman do what he wants
■ I dislike it, but I might consider it if the money is good
・Body odor (it usually goes away after a shower)
・Being overweight (if I close my eyes, I can’t see it)
・Being far too opinionated (I can just tune him out)
・Being rude to everyone (I can close my eyes to that too…)
■ Doesn’t bother me
・Being short (if anything, it’s cute)
・Being bald (if anything, it’s cute)
・Educational background (who cares?)
A man’s appearance isn’t important to women when meeting someone through a dating club.
Men probably care about women’s appearance, but women aren’t looking at men in the same way. Someone once wrote that “women are strict about men’s fashion,” but I don’t think that’s true. We’re not even standing on the same playing field to begin with. We’re looking at completely different things. When you decide to date an older man, you’ve already given up on expecting much in the looks department.
Women are looking at whether a man poses a threat to them:
“The risk of being exposed to an odor so bad it makes me feel sick.”
“The risk of being cheap and making me have sex without paying me a single yen.”
“The risk of being pressured into frightening sex, with the possibility of injury, pregnancy, or illness.”
So, my final answer is that women simply don’t expect older men to be attractive in the first place!
One more thought came to me. I’m not sure whether I should say this, but I’m going to be brave and write it:
“By the time you’re meeting an older man, you’re not expecting much in terms of appearance. Your main concern is, ‘How much is he going to pay me?’”
The honest feelings are gradually coming out, haha.
Sorry for butting in.
Thank you for your question.
Kida, the representative, will answer as well.
I’ll also ask some of our female members about their actual opinions and post that later.
Only the women themselves know the right answer, so this is just my personal guess, but here’s how I see it:
First of all, “a tiny old guy” is such a cute and charming expression that I definitely think you should mention it to the woman beforehand.
I can’t say whether she’s forcing herself to go on dates with you or simply doesn’t care at all, but I think it’s better to let her know.
Al Pacino and Tamori are both beloved celebrities around the world and in Japan, but depending on how you look at them, they’re also “tiny old guys.”
I imagine women don’t really care about that itself. After all, they’re not going to send their friends a photo on LINE saying, “Hey, look! I got a new boyfriend. Isn’t he handsome?”
More importantly, she may need to decide what heels to wear on the date, or whether to wear her hair up or down, so I think you should tell her simply as useful information.
When you say, “I look like a tiny old guy. Would you still meet me?” I can already sense your personal strength and character. And if she replies, “Well, I’m a big-footed gal myself,” I’d say that’s a shortcut to building a good relationship.
Even if you personally don’t care that much about your height, saying, “I’m just worried that you might care,” shows consideration and emotional generosity.
I’ll ask some of our tall Platinum and Black women, so please wait a little while.
Thank you for your question.
You mentioned that you’ve been too hesitant to make an offer so far, but that would be a real shame. I don’t think many of the women registered with the club are particularly concerned about a man’s appearance.
They may be more particular about cleanliness and dressing well, though…
On the other hand, tall women often have insecurities of their own, and many may worry, “Will people avoid me because I’m too tall?”
So please don’t hesitate to approach any woman who you feel is your type! You might just have a truly wonderful encounter.
As for your concern that “it still bothers me,” as you said, I think it would be perfectly fine to add a comment when making your offer. I doubt the woman would take it badly.
I hope this was helpful. Thank you for your consideration.
