A man told me he doesn’t want to rush into an adult relationship (intimate) and would rather get to know each other first.
I’ve never had this many dinners with someone before becoming intimate, so I’m not sure how much I should close the distance by then. For example, would it be okay to hold his hand briefly in an elevator where no one else can see?
My concern is that he might think I’m too experienced. Honestly, I am, but I absolutely don’t want to lose this particular papa (a male supporter), so I’m torn over whether to take the chance—it could go either way.
Personally, I really want to hold his hand. I’m getting butterflies.
It probably depends on the situation in which you met, but I think he’s simply taking some time to see how things go.
Honestly, I feel that people who can’t decide after a roughly two-hour first meeting whether they want to develop a deeper relationship with someone often aren’t worth pursuing anyway.
Some people may want a deeper relationship but prefer to wait and see while considering the future or hoping to establish better terms for the arrangement. In that case, though, if the woman is too proactive, there’s a good chance she’ll be undervalued.
As Yozakura mentioned, I think the most important thing is to learn how to project an aura that makes the other person interested in you.
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The reason this sounds like something a man wrote is that, generally speaking, women aren’t the ones who close the distance.
That said, people come in all types, so there’s nothing wrong with a woman taking the initiative, and some more passive men may even appreciate that.
However, men are usually the ones who make the first move—and some men enjoy doing so—so it’s probably best not to make a move yourself for now.
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This question kind of sounds like it was written by a man, doesn’t it?
I rarely hear women say things like, “I wonder if it would be okay to hold his hand or something.”
But when Yozakura-san says, “There are probably women who feel that way but just don’t say it. I’m full of worldly desires, so I think about it all the time,” it makes me realize how much I still don’t understand about women.
That said, men often do things like that and then have women report to the club that they felt uncomfortable, so men, please be careful. If three such reports come in from women consecutively, you’ll be forcibly banned.
Even if you’re in Dating Type C and have already agreed to go to a hotel afterward, most women seem to dislike having someone they’ve just met suddenly hold their hand in an elevator or kiss them.
For now, focus on getting to know each other.
If you can make the woman think, “I’d be okay with this man,” she won’t report you to the club.
> “Break down their self-control without touching them.”
If you can do that, the other person will make the first move without you having to do anything yourself.
But I’m worried that more men will misunderstand this.
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Would someone experienced really ask a question like this?
It doesn’t seem like the person asking is a Universe member, either.
So when you say “men,” which men are you referring to?
If I were to offer any advice, maybe try standing very close to him in the elevator?
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It’s hard to know how much distance to keep, isn’t it?
> For example, would it be okay to hold hands briefly in an elevator where no one would see us?
I think it’s probably better to wait until you’ve had an adult relationship (intimate). Otherwise, she might take it as trying too hard. Holding her hand briefly in the elevator on the way to the hotel room during your second adult date might have the greatest effect.
> Personally, I’d like to hold hands. Butterflies.
You must be an amazing papa (a male supporter). I’d love for someone to feel that way about me too. The fact that you wrote “butterflies” makes me think she’s not just a generous (well-paying) papa—you genuinely like her, right?
There’s a woman I’ve had dinner with three times for B1, and I’m having the most fun with her right now. I haven’t felt butterflies like this in a long time. I’d be happy if she held my hand. Our next date is heading toward an adult relationship (intimate), but I wish we could postpone that and keep enjoying these butterflies for a while. I want to get emotionally closer before taking things to an adult relationship.
She’s the first woman I’ve had dinner with three times at B1, and I’d like to have dinner with her a fourth and fifth time, too. With her, I’d even like to go for a drive before becoming intimate. Maybe take a trip together. I don’t even like traveling, but I would if it were with her.
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I’m not sure whether the person asking is male or female.
But if I consider the situation from the man’s perspective, there does seem to be an element of putting on a brave face.
I think it would be a good sign if he wants to close the distance between you. If he has genuine feelings, he should be able to respond naturally in the moment.
You don’t need to prepare scripted answers for every possible scenario—just bring your feelings with you, and that should be enough.
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Since I don’t know what type of arrangement you’re looking for, it’s hard to say, but if that’s what the man wants, I think it’s best not to make any unnecessary moves until he invites you.
That said, some men apparently say that while secretly waiting for the woman to make the first move, or use it as a safety net because they don’t want to get hurt, so you can’t make a blanket judgment.
In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I do think it’s more natural for the man to be the one who initiates.
Hope this helps.
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