Why are unpopular men so flaky? Their communication skills are just awful—it’s exhausting.

Men who seem kind of “wishy-washy” often aren’t so much poor communicators as they are unsure how to gauge the right distance with women. They don’t have the courage to take the initiative, but they’re not prepared to leave things entirely up to the other person either, so both their conversation and actions end up feeling directionless. Especially when someone is still like that despite being older, they often become extremely passive when dealing with women because they haven’t had many experiences where things went wrong. They may give little reaction when you ask questions, or nothing moves forward unless you take charge of the flow, which can be exhausting. On the other hand, even younger men who handle things calmly often understand their role rather than simply having more experience. They know where they stand and what’s expected of them, so there’s no unnecessary guessing or ambiguity. In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and adult relationships (intimate), what matters is less romantic excitement and more a sense of security and the ability to make arrangements smoothly. When those qualities are missing, it’s understandable to wonder, “Was this a dating app?” You don’t have to force yourself to accommodate someone, and choosing to distance yourself from a partner who wears you out is a perfectly valid choice. Please prioritize relationships where you can feel comfortable.

If they were attractive and could have an adult relationship, they wouldn’t pay a lot of money to register with a dating club and do papa-katsu. Most papas are a group of unpopular guys who can’t get intimate with women unless they pay. Put another way, that’s exactly why women can receive an allowance. You’d think that, if you played your cards right, you could get a lot from them precisely because they’re unpopular. That’s just my personal opinion, though.

Why does it seem like guys who were popular and socially skilled when they were young somehow don’t end up successful—or with much money saved—later in life? Maybe, when you smooth out the ups and downs, everyone ends up with about the same amount of happiness. It’s the same with women, too. Being beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll end up happy.

That hits close to home. He’s become an older guy without ever getting comfortable around women, so treat him like he’s still a middle schooler inside and educate him accordingly. He probably doesn’t have many rivals, so if you play your cards right, you can get him to hand over everything he has. That said, this only applies if his allowance is decent. If he’s broke and socially inept, he’s worthless—run immediately.