He’s married with a wife and children. He’s very kind and exactly my type physically, so at first I felt incredibly lucky that someone like him was willing to support me.
But every time we meet, my feelings grow stronger, and I feel like my genuine affection is showing. Could that be why he’s started saying things like, “You should meet lots of other men instead of me,” and “Don’t you want to get married?” Is my affection becoming too much for him?
Our usual pattern is having sex twice at night and once in the morning. He usually avoids unprotected sex for my sake, but recently he’s started doing it once or twice out of the three times. Since I’m usually quite passive, the last time we met I tried to take a more active role, spending more time on top and taking the lead during foreplay as well. But when we parted, the atmosphere felt different from usual, and I ended up feeling uneasy.
I always message him afterward to thank him, but last time it took him a while to even read it. He did reply, but his message felt colder than usual.
I have absolutely no intention of breaking up his family, and I’ve never wanted to get married in the first place. I genuinely like him and mean that I don’t want to be with anyone else. But do men start wanting to run away when a woman shows them too much affection?
I’d really like to hear opinions from men.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Member of another dating club
That’s one of the risks of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), isn’t it?
Personally, I find it very human—and I like that.
I hope you can keep enough perspective to enjoy this difficult—or perhaps “difficult”—situation. I’m not mocking you, but the fact that you met through Universe will always be part of your relationship. I think it’s important not to forget that.
To like someone is, in a sense, to feel possessive of them. You say you have no intention of destroying your partner’s family, and I’m sure you mean that sincerely. But as your relationship deepens, those feelings of possessiveness may grow. To prevent that from happening, I think you should continue accepting an allowance. Though perhaps that’s none of my business.
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I think it’s important whether the man believes you when you say, “I have absolutely no intention of breaking up his family.”
For example, if you’re also seeing other people, that might reassure him to some extent.
Also, this depends on the person, of course, but some men find it more enjoyable when they’re the ones pursuing a woman. So if the woman shows more enthusiasm than he does, he may suddenly lose interest.
I hope you can gauge his level of interest and manage the boundaries carefully so that you don’t threaten his family.
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I’m married, and I’m an old guy, so please take this as just one perspective.
We’ve been seeing each other for seven years now. After about the first six months, we both agreed to be exclusive. She shows no sign of wanting a boyfriend, and since there’s an allowance involved, I suppose you could say we’ve just kept things going.
Some time ago, she said, “It won’t continue unless we both feel it’s good for us, right?” I replied, “Of course.” That pretty much sums up our relationship.
In our case, the age gap is over 40 years, and neither of us has taken things as far as being genuinely in love. We’ve simply built a relationship that takes the best parts of the kind of arrangement you’d find through a dating club.
Marriage or divorce isn’t something I can consider under my current circumstances, partly because of inheritance issues. So I think it’s best to see a relationship with a papa (a male supporter) only after understanding that reality.
In our case, we plan to end the dating-club arrangement next spring, but we’ve agreed to continue seeing each other afterward, so we’ll have to see what happens.
My biggest concern is whether I should still give her an allowance when we meet after the arrangement ends. I’m still thinking that one over（笑）
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This is entering dangerous territory.
It’s getting pretty intense.
Your papa may ask you to end things.
If you want to continue the relationship, try to hold back your feelings for him—even though I know that’s difficult.
It also sounds like your papa doesn’t like being blamed, so stop confronting him, too.
Since papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) involves money, you need to be careful not to fall seriously in love. Try to keep it at the level of simply liking him as a person.
I understand how you feel. Fuu has been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for seven years and fell for someone once. I got carried away, and he ended things by blocking me.
I learned my lesson, and now I see multiple people to spread out my feelings and make sure I don’t fall for anyone.
My advice to you is to hold your feelings back and find a boyfriend, a friends-with-benefits partner, or another papa to help spread out your emotions.
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From a married man’s perspective, the thought that you might show up at his workplace or home could keep him up at night.
Sometimes affection can turn into a threat.
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