My papa told me, “If you tell me what you want to eat or where you want to go, I’ll make it happen.” What would be the best way to respond? We’re in Tokyo.
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I’d like to go shopping, but would that be inappropriate? I don’t want to leave it entirely up to him.
“I want to eat sushi.”
“I love yakiniku.”
“I’d like to go for afternoon tea.”
Those kinds of requests come across as cute and are probably a safe choice.
As for shopping, I think it’s better to wait until you’ve gotten a little closer and first feel out whether your papa (a male supporter) is willing to support you in ways beyond the allowance.
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I’ve accompanied someone shopping before too, but my reaction was basically, “Huh…,” haha.
That said, I don’t want to walk around town together while shopping or doing similar things, so for the past five or six years, I’ve simply told her, “Go by yourself.”
We do go out for meals sometimes, but always in private rooms.
After all, it’s a young woman and an old man. I made sure she wouldn’t be seen in an odd way.
So, in your case, I think you’d be better off not mentioning it anymore.
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It helps when you tell me what you’d like to eat—it makes booking a restaurant much easier.
I end things with people who want to go shopping from the start. The cash allowance is six figures, but I don’t want to go shopping when it’s hard to say no.
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It’s definitely best to avoid shopping dates.
I know there are papas who genuinely love shopping. They’ll always say, “Let’s go shopping,” without even asking the woman first.
However, I think they usually expect you to go shopping a lot and then be intimate without giving you an allowance afterward.
As for me, I basically prefer cash as a gift, with the occasional iPhone.
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> I want to go shopping, but is that not a good idea?
If you mean having him accompany you while you shop—and paying for your own purchases—I think shopping is perfectly fine.
I understand wanting him to buy something for you. But you shouldn’t say that outright.
It’s important to take the stance of:
“I want it, but I can’t afford to buy it today. Someday, though, I’ll buy it with my own money.”
Once you’ve become fairly close to the man, he may naturally want to give you something you like as a gift. (Of course, that only applies to many men—some people will never give gifts.)
So you can look at things you like and buy them yourself, or say you’d like him to come along because you want his opinion on whether something suits you, or because you simply enjoy shopping.
In those situations, I think it’s fine to say you’d like to go shopping.
> What would be the right answer?
Rather than worrying about what the “correct” answer is, I think you should honestly tell him what you’d like to eat or where you’d like to go.
When it comes to meals, it’s generally expected that the man will pay, so you can probably assume he’ll treat you.
As for places you’d like to visit, if they’re far away, it would probably involve traveling. Some men may think, “I’m taking her where she wants to go and covering the travel expenses, so she doesn’t need an allowance.”
So even if you end up going on a trip, I think you should confirm the allowance beforehand.
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If he’s asking what you’d like to eat or where you’d like to go, I’d probably avoid suggesting shopping.
That said, if he’s asking what you want and is open to buying you something, then shopping should be fine.
If you’re still not that close, you could tell him what you’d like to eat and casually suggest going shopping during the meal to see how he reacts.
Hope that helps.
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I think the right answer depends on the person and the nature of your relationship at the time.
Since he asked, why not simply tell him what you want to eat or where you’d like to go? That said, I doubt shopping is what he had in mind when he asked where you wanted to go. If I wanted to give her a present but couldn’t think of anything, I’d ask whether there was something she wanted.
I’ve always wondered how long men take to reply after asking questions like this. If I’m talking with someone I’m dating and she hasn’t answered within ten seconds, I start wondering whether she has an intellectual disability or is lying.
With LINE, it depends on the flow of the conversation, but if we’re actively messaging, I’d expect a reply within ten to twenty minutes—even if she’s chatting while doing other things. This isn’t the kind of pace you’d expect from an anonymous question box.
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Whether it’s dining, shopping, going to Disney, or watching a movie, they all involve spending money to do something enjoyable with the woman.
So if there’s somewhere you want to go or something you want to do, I think it’s perfectly fine to suggest it.
Everyone values different things and enjoys different experiences, so if you want a natural relationship, I think it’s best to simply speak honestly.
It also depends on whether either person wants to make the other happy or is mainly seeking their own satisfaction, as well as on the combination and compatibility between them. There are all kinds of possibilities.
That said, based on the last line, I do get the impression that she may be quite strong-willed…
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