I’m new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I’d like to ask those with more experience for advice.
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I’ve been seeing a female college student for two months. We started with dinner, things progressed to an adult relationship (intimate), and we now meet three or four times a month.
She’s also new to papa-katsu. We had dinner about five times before becoming intimate, and we’ve met two or three times recently in an adult relationship.
Everything seemed normal the last time we met and afterward, and we even set a date for our next meeting. However, she hasn’t replied to my messages since the day before, and they haven’t been marked as read. It doesn’t seem like she’s blocked me, though.
She’s never been someone who messages often, but even when she had to cancel unexpectedly due to feeling unwell, she always sent a polite reply.
Is it common for someone to suddenly stop responding, even after meeting several times and having a good relationship? If I don’t hear from her, I’m worried that something unexpected may have happened. Am I overthinking this?
Thank you.
It’s only papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), with money involved.
People often suddenly stop responding for no apparent reason. Just let it go.
I understand how you feel.
This is what happens when you put all your focus on one person, so I recommend always having multiple monthly arrangements.
Even if one of them suddenly stops responding, seeing multiple people means that if Person A disappears, having Persons B and C softens the blow considerably.
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Given the nature of this kind of arrangement, it’s not common, but people can still suddenly disappear without a word.
Personally, even if he no longer wanted to meet, going silent after setting the next date—as in your case—isn’t something a responsible working adult would do.
Since it’s still the day before, there’s a chance he may still contact you. But don’t chase him too much; it’s best to move on and look for someone else.
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> Is it common for someone to suddenly stop responding, even after meeting several times and having what seemed like a good relationship?
When I was arranging dates, this was something I often heard from men.
First of all, the only person who thinks it’s a “good relationship” is usually the man. So the reason she stops responding is actually very simple.
And when you ask men about the allowance, it’s usually low—but they’re not aware of that. They’ll say things like, “She seemed happy with it.”
I think you’ll understand if you go on more dates, but women will often put up with things and still respond with a smile. Once they reach their limit, though, they simply stop replying.
That’s all it is.
> If she doesn’t contact me again, I’m worried there could be some unexpected trouble. Am I overthinking it?
What kind of trouble are you expecting? I can’t really think of any particular problems.
Also, if she hasn’t even read your messages and isn’t replying, she probably won’t show up even if you go to the meeting place. So if you’ve made reservations, it would be better to cancel them.
If she suddenly contacts you that day, you can decide where to go then. There’s a higher chance she won’t show up, and ignoring that possibility doesn’t accomplish anything.
That said, if you’d been seeing each other for years and she had occasionally become unreachable until the day of the date, then I wouldn’t necessarily cancel…
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It depends on the person.
Set a deadline for their reply—midnight the night before—and if they still don’t respond, move on. It sounds like the relationship is practically over already. They must have some kind of dissatisfaction.
Don’t get too attached; move on to the next one.
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No-contact cancellations, suddenly disappearing, and being late are all common in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so try not to let them bother you.
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There can be various reasons, but suddenly losing contact is quite common.
You may be at a point where you can’t stop worrying about it, but I think it’s also a valuable learning experience.
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In my first year as a Universe member, I also made offers to female college students.
Some continued messaging me almost every day even after we entered an adult relationship (intimate), while others were slow to respond and only contacted me about confirming plans. It really depends on the individual, not whether she’s a college student.
I’d recommend continuing your relationship with her while also making offers to women in other age groups and those with jobs.
Focusing on just one person can put you in that kind of mindset, but if you spread things out and have several connections, you’ll feel more relaxed when you’re not meeting anyone and enjoy the experience more.
This may be more unsolicited advice than an answer, but I hope it helps.
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I’m also seeing a student, and she always replies every day.
From your question, it sounds like something unexpected may have happened, or she may have become unable to continue seeing you because she was dating multiple people and exceeded what she could handle.
In this case, I’d wait a while, and if you still don’t hear back, it’s perfectly reasonable to contact her just one more time, allowing for the possibility that she lost the data on her phone.
If she still doesn’t respond, unfortunately, you should probably assume the relationship has ended.
Don’t chase her any further—move on to the next one!
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I’m not entirely sure, but personally, I think it’s presumptuous to act like you’re a significant part of someone’s life when you’ve only had sex with them two or three times.
As for whether suddenly cutting off all contact is common, I’ve never experienced it myself, so I don’t think it’s that common.
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