Good morning. I recently joined and had my first intimate encounter the other day. We had agreed beforehand on a pay-per-meeting allowance of ¥50,000, but after going to the hotel and then having dinner, my papa (a male supporter) said that the ¥50,000 included the meal, which surprised me. I had understood that ¥50,000 per meeting meant going to the hotel and being intimate. I thought the ¥50,000 we agreed on didn’t include the cost of dinner.

There have been questions before about whether transportation costs should be included in the allowance, but including the cost of the meal? That’s a new one to me! I’m thinking, “Oh, so that’s an option.” But I couldn’t do it myself—it just feels too tacky. People have all sorts of views on allowances, but I’d like to stick to what I learned back in my student days from my Susukino mentor: “Once a man has offered to pay, he doesn’t take it back!”

Well, there’s no point in saying anything to someone like that. Just block them and move on. Even if you negotiate, I’d hate for you to end up feeling hurt or uncomfortable. Let’s wait for the next offer. Besides, if you stop seeing this papa, wouldn’t you end up seeing another papa just as often? Until you find a good papa, I think you should accept as many offers as possible, choose the good ones from among them, and continue seeing those people. There aren’t many papas you can truly feel safe with, so keep accepting offers until you pull an ideal supporter from the gacha.

Kazu-san’s advice really says it all. If you’re not careful with your wording, things can end in a disappointing way. When speaking with women, I make a point of saying “〇〇 yen in total.” If I say “〇〇 yen for an adult relationship (intimate),” she may expect an allowance for the dinner date on top of that.

The term “meal expenses” generally refers to the cost of a meal—the money paid to a restaurant or other establishment providing the meal. When I have a meal with a woman, I pay the bill at the restaurant, so I don’t give that money to her. However, it seems that you are using the term to mean an allowance for the time spent having a meal together. This may go without saying for people over 30, but using terms consistently is important for preventing misunderstandings and ensuring smooth communication. By the way, I understand the “transportation fee” mentioned by Universe Club to cover the initial meal lasting roughly two hours after the meeting is arranged. Since there is no opportunity to discuss the allowance before meeting for the first time, I assume the club has established ¥10,000 as the standard amount. So, when I first meet a woman, I give her the ¥10,000 transportation fee specified in the club’s rules. As I mentioned earlier, I regard this as the allowance for the initial, roughly two-hour meal arranged by the club, so I only give it at the first meeting. Since I have no intention of giving an allowance simply for having a meal together, I explain during the discussion about the terms that “the transportation fee is only for today,” so she doesn’t mistakenly expect to receive ¥10,000 every time. If she seems not to fully understand, I explain more specifically: “Today, you’ll receive the ¥10,000 transportation fee plus a ¥50,000 allowance. From next time onward, it will be ¥50,000 only.” In your case, the problem seems to have arisen because you thought the pay-per-meeting amount of ¥50,000 agreed upon in your discussion did not include what you called “meal expenses,” while the man thought it did. The fact that communication did not work out properly was not solely either person’s fault. However, as I mentioned at the beginning, you seem to have a habit of using terms incorrectly, so I think you should recognize that and make an effort to correct it.

It would have been better if you had clarified those details in advance. Speaking only from my experience, I make the terms clear: this is the allowance for dinner only, and this is the allowance if we continue after dinner. We decide the allowance to be given that day. In this case, if you would have been satisfied had transportation costs been calculated separately, make sure to confirm that next time. So I think you should also consider accepting offers from other people. <Additional note> Like the other respondents, I only separate transportation costs for the first meeting. I wouldn’t make it 5.0 + 1.0 and then continue paying 6.0 after that. However, I discuss this when arranging the first meeting so there’s no misunderstanding.

Judging from the question, I’d say the usual arrangement is for the man to give the woman ¥50,000 for a hotel visit plus a meal. I’d like to know what exactly the two of you agreed to. In my case, we also go out and do various things besides having meals, so I set the pay-per-meeting amount as follows: 1. Total for a date with an adult relationship (intimate) 2. Total for a date without an adult relationship (intimate) 3. For a long date, the total of 1 + 2 Also, make sure the money is handed over (or received) in advance. That way, there shouldn’t be any misunderstandings. Edit: After seeing Kazu’s answer, I also couldn’t understand what was meant by “meal expenses” at first. I wondered if I was the one being unreasonable, but I guess I was right after all.

If the terms discussed beforehand are different from what he says afterward, then the man is clearly in the wrong. He’s being dishonest, and someone like that may well change the terms again later, so I’d suggest keeping him as a backup for now and cutting things off immediately if you meet someone better. I think people who deceive others are the worst. That said, whether the allowance includes the cost of the meal depends on the person. If you agreed on it beforehand, I don’t see a problem. The issue this time is that he brought it up afterward. I don’t think that many people include the meal cost, but whether they’re common or uncommon isn’t really important. > I’m a company employee, so I can’t see several papas very frequently. Even so, men may become interested in someone else, and the relationship can suddenly come to an end. If that happens, you could end up being short ¥100,000 that month. So I think it may be better to maintain arrangements with around three people simultaneously, otherwise you could run into trouble. I think you should take that into consideration as well.