If your feelings suddenly cool off while you’re seeing someone, do you send them a goodbye message to bring things to a proper close?
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After each date, I’d usually hear from him about the next invitation within a week or so, but I haven’t heard anything this time. I’m wondering if maybe his feelings have cooled.
I imagine some women may prefer to let things quietly fade away because it feels awkward, while men who have been giving their partner an allowance seem more likely to clearly communicate when they want to end things.
What’s it usually like in practice?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
It usually just fades out naturally.
I don’t see any benefit in telling them directly that it’s over.
I think it’s simplest and best to avoid making another arrangement and just stop contacting them, so that’s what I do.
After all, I see the allowance as a kind of advance payment for keeping things transactional—almost like severance pay.
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As everyone says, it depends on the person.
If I’ve been seeing someone for a reasonably long time, I make sure to tell them properly.
With people I’ve completely stopped contacting, there have been plenty of cases where I’d already been blocked.
If I want to fade things out, I don’t reach out to them myself.
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It’s not that common for a papa (a male supporter) to suddenly lose interest. If it does happen, it’s probably because the woman did something to put him off.
Another possibility is that he met someone he likes better.
In the latter case, he may hesitate to break things off right away, thinking it feels too abrupt. So if he stops contacting you, you could try reaching out with something like, “Would you be able to meet on [date]?” That might make it harder for him to end things.
Of course, if he says he has plans, you shouldn’t send the same message again for about a week. You’ll probably need to use a sort of keep-your-distance-but-don’t-disappear strategy.
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It depends on how deep the relationship is.
In my case, breaking up with my ace would be such a major event that, as dramatic as it sounds, I’d probably go into the negotiations prepared for the possibility of death.
There’s another woman on the same level as my ace, and ending things with her would probably be just as tumultuous as a divorce.
With the other women, I’d probably just fade out naturally—gradually seeing them less often. I don’t think there’d be any formal goodbye.
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If it were me, I’d send a message saying, “I’ve met someone I like more. I’m sorry, and thank you for everything.” If it had lasted for years, I might send some money, too.
If your feelings have only cooled a little, maybe they just haven’t invited you lately. If you invite them politely, things might continue as if nothing happened—and you could still get your allowance.
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What it’s actually like depends on the person and the relationship.
Saying that women will take off their underwear if you give them an allowance of 50,000 yen is just as ridiculous.
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