I’ve met quite a few men through this club, and I’ve noticed that men who make the first date nothing more than a drink at a café—just one coffee or tea, with not even a slice of cake—often end up treating me casually afterward as well.
They invite me to a hotel room and then end the date without ever leaving the room, making me think, “What is this, some kind of call-out service?” It’s painfully obvious that they think money will get them whatever they want, so I don’t feel compatible with men like that and end the relationship.
On the other hand, men who take the time to enjoy a proper meal on the first date seem more likely to value the relationship as people after getting to know me a little.
Do men who only suggest a coffee date simply want to save both time and money?
There are quite a lot of them. Should I give this feedback to the club? And to those answering here: would you have just coffee on a first meeting?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Hello,
I think it’s because of your own approach that both you and the other person end up feeling that way.
People are only interested in things they care about, so everyone chooses differently where to spend their time and money. For a papa (a male supporter), spending that money on women is usually the main priority, so they’re no more interested in what women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) spend their allowance on than they are in anything else.
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It’s just meaningless labeling—it really depends on the person.
If you’re uncomfortable with it, it’s fine to end things. One of the good things about papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is that women get to choose as well.
But who knows? Going out for a meal takes more time, can make you more self-conscious about people watching, and quite a few women would rather just meet in a room if the allowance is the same.
The difference from a delivery health service is that the woman also has the right to choose.
You should give feedback if something specific was done that made you uncomfortable, but feedback like “I was treated carelessly,” without any concrete examples, is probably meaningless.
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For a first meeting, I keep it to one hour over tea only. I feel it’s inconsiderate to keep someone tied up with a long, drawn-out meal.
If we both want to talk more, I offer an allowance for a regular date with no adult relationship, separate from transportation costs. We decide together what the date will involve while having tea.
Sometimes we go out for a meal, and other times we go shopping. If the meal is inexpensive, I’ll increase the allowance. I also think regular dates are better than dinner only because they give us more of a chance to get to know each other.
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I’m Andy, a male member.
Even with C-type arrangements, I generally keep the first meeting to an hour over tea before parting ways. If the only time she’s available is in the evening, we may have a meal, but I always wrap things up within two hours.
Part of the reason I do this is that I’ve assumed women would rather not be tied up for too long. So your post was actually very informative for me.
Of course, I don’t usually say goodbye through a hotel room door. That said, there have been women who, when I was so exhausted that I fell asleep, chose not to wake me and simply left out of consideration.
Lately, I’ve been increasing my new offers because I’m thinking I might try moving straight into a relationship after the first meeting.
Hope this helps.
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> Does this particular respondent only meet for tea on a first meeting?
I feel like that’s probably the only point of the question, and that everything leading up to it is just made-up filler. So is this yet another post from the usual person who likes studying respondents’ behavior...?
> Are people who only go on tea dates being stingy with both their time and money?
The Japanese is a little unclear, but you mean they only go for tea before heading to a hotel and won’t even treat you to a meal, right?
Most men value their time. In that sense, rather than being stingy, I’d say they’re men who prioritize efficiency.
That said, perhaps they’re prioritizing themselves too much and not considering the other person’s feelings.
But that’s also what the first meeting is for. If you don’t like them, you can simply part ways after tea.
I’d like to tell the person asking: if you dislike it, don’t continue seeing them afterward. This isn’t a delivery escort service.
You both have the right to choose, so I recommend only seeing people you genuinely like and not letting your frustrations build up.
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Makeo is right.
I only go to family restaurants or conveyor-belt sushi places too, but over the years, my monthly arrangements have cost me tens of millions of yen in total.
It depends on the person. If it’s ¥50,000 or more and they have good manners, isn’t that fine?
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- Tea only for the first meeting
- Inviting her to a hotel room, staying there the whole time, and ending things without going anywhere else
That might be me. Feel free to cut ties with me, no hard feelings m(__)m
I sometimes do Saizeriya for the first meeting too. I like family restaurants.
This may be an unnecessary comment, but I think my allowance is on the higher end compared with the other respondents. My dates are also fairly short.
I had been curious about the world of women whose allowance is around the median, so I tried meeting some of them too. But none of those arrangements lasted, and now I’m only seeing women with higher allowances.
I still have one woman at 7, barely, but we meet less than once every two months.
As I’m writing this, I’m realizing—and I’m generalizing here, so apologies—that women with median allowances cancel at the last minute a lot. They’re also extremely slow to reply. When the first meeting is at a family restaurant, they look obviously dissatisfied (which I suppose is understandable).
On the other hand, women in the black tier, both in terms of allowance and class, have good manners and never cancel at the last minute. I recently contacted two women I hadn’t seen in over six months—the ones at 10 and 15—and they replied within seconds.
For their first dates, we ate at restaurants that were only slightly nicer than a family restaurant, costing about 3,000 yen per person, and they kept saying how delicious everything was.
The only downside was no deep kissing and no oral.
Personally, I feel that black-tier women are happy even if the first meeting is at a coffee shop, while women with median allowances complain if it’s at a family restaurant or coffee shop.
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When I’m having a date arranged, I sometimes choose a café if the woman’s preferred time isn’t around mealtime. Otherwise, I usually go with a meal.
That said, some women prefer an arrangement where they meet and part ways in a hotel room, mainly because they’re worried about being seen by someone they know. So, as you said, I think it really comes down to personal compatibility.
In my experience, a mismatch in that regard isn’t something to give feedback on. I might mention it while chatting casually with the staff, though.
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>> This happens fairly often. Should I give the club feedback?
→ Feedback after a meeting is optional, and there aren’t any particular rules. I think it’s fine to leave a low rating, saying that you didn’t click and were treated carelessly.
>> Also, do you, the person answering, ever just meet for tea on the first meeting?
→ In my case, I’ve never limited a first meeting to just tea. I usually use a restaurant inside a city hotel.
Once we’ve been seeing each other for a while, I have met someone at a café and talked for two hours.
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