I was close with a man in his late 50s who’s married, and we’d been together for three years. But we started arguing more and could no longer understand each other, so I decided to end things.
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Even after that, he’s called me repeatedly and sent me lots of messages saying I was the person he loved most and asking if he could at least transfer some money to me. I’m unsure whether I should accept it or how to respond.
I had decided to use this as an opportunity to completely leave this world behind and start taking better care of myself, but now I’m wavering.
I was seeing only him, and since I’m often unwell, he introduced me to a hospital with a renowned doctor and helped me get treatment there. He supported me in many ways beyond just financially.
I think I can’t make up my mind because I never expected us to break up so soon.
I feel like I’d be overwhelmed with guilt accepting money when we’re no longer seeing each other.
What would you do?
It may depend on whether you’ve shared private information, such as your address, with the other person.
There’s also a possibility that your personal information could be identified from the bank account you provide. So if they say they’ll transfer the money and ask for your account details, your address or other information could potentially be exposed.
If the other person already knows that information, I think it would be fine to accept the transfer. But if they don’t, I think it’s perfectly okay to decline.
Also, if accepting the money would make you feel guilty, it may be better for your peace of mind not to take it. On the other hand, if the other person would feel satisfied by sending it, you could think of accepting the money as doing something for their sake, so I don’t think you need to feel guilty.
Rather than worrying about what everyone else would do, I think it’s best to consider which option you’re least likely to regret.
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If you’ve already received the money, you might find yourself getting dragged into it, so if they don’t know your personal information—like your address or workplace—wouldn’t it be best to cut off contact completely?
If they do know your personal information, you’ll have to handle things carefully, since it could cause problems later…
If you’re not planning to continue, it’s better for both of you to end things clearly and stop contacting them. That way, they’ll be able to move on sooner.
Time will heal things. Don’t leave any lingering feelings or false hope—ending it sooner means you can both move on to the next chapter sooner.
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It may not be the most interesting answer, but either option is fine—whether you accept it or not.
If you do accept it, though, do so confidently. Feeling guilty is the worst thing you can do. Whichever you choose, my modest life experience tells me that you shouldn’t contact him again from this point on.
According to someone I know who works in law enforcement, the key to avoiding harassment is to completely ignore all contact from the other person. If their behavior escalates, don’t hesitate to go straight to the police. Apparently, a warning from the police—essentially, “If you keep stalking her, you’ll be arrested”—resolves more than 95% of cases. Unfortunately, about 5% of people are completely deranged, but in that case, have them arrested and enjoy a nice meal with the settlement money.
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I don’t understand how breaking up and cutting off contact just because you’ve been arguing more is supposed to mean taking care of yourself.
Asking complete strangers who don’t know the circumstances won’t be any help. If I were you, I’d make the decision myself instead of asking here.
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