【About Overnight Stays】

I’m probably not one to talk, having once spent the night hooking up repeatedly, mistaken it for genuine feelings, and then been dumped by her, but— This isn’t something you should keep doing if it’s becoming too much. If you’re struggling, I think it’s okay to say so. If you don’t, they might misunderstand things like I did and think, “She’s fine with this” or “She must like me.” Ah, I wonder if I’ll meet another woman who’s okay with staying over… Being able to do it seven or eight times between the night and morning was amazing, lol. By the way, I can manage it better in the morning since the alcohol has worn off more than it has at night.

As everyone says, neither of you should push yourselves too hard, especially on trips that include an overnight stay. That said, I only realized this fairly recently. These days, whenever we travel, we agree on the basic details in advance, including the allowance. Personally, I think the time we go our separate ways the next day is especially important. I used to cram the schedule full of activities, but now we part ways by late morning. Last month, I went to the Sapporo Snow Festival with Emily. I went to university in Sapporo, so there were lots of places I wanted to take her, and the trip ended up being three days and two nights. I’d like to think Emily enjoyed it too—she even put together a little itinerary for us. The key was that we went our separate ways during the day on the second day. I had lunch with some friends from university, while Emily said she was going to meet up with an old friend as well (possibly another papa (a male supporter)). In any case, it turned out to be a great trip. I had no good memories of the Snow Festival from my university days, but this was the first time I actually enjoyed it. I’d love to go again with her.

If you’ve been close for a long time, spending a whole week traveling together isn’t a burden, and they’ll invite you again. I don’t really invite them myself. We’ve traveled together at least 300 times, so I’ve already been everywhere I wanted to go. It’s relatively bearable if you ask for two separate single rooms. I sometimes do that on longer trips. I’d rather stop traveling with someone who makes it miserable—or demand a much bigger allowance.

I generally prefer being on my own, so I don’t initiate invitations to stay over. If she says she’d like to stay and I’m in the mood, or if she encourages me to stay over, then I do. The amount of time varies—on a trip, we might spend several days together, but if one of us has work the next day, we part ways so we can get to work. Isn’t that how things naturally work between working adults? I only stay over with someone I’m comfortable with, so I don’t find it exhausting at the time. But since I basically enjoy being alone, if it goes on too long, I do start wanting some time by myself. As Maezawa-san said, I don’t think what other people do has anything to do with what you choose to do. And please don’t overdo it with questions just for the sake of posting.

I don’t like overnight stays, so I’ve never invited anyone to stay over. If we were to stay overnight, I’d book separate rooms so neither of us would feel obligated to entertain the other. Edit: For day trips, I sometimes spend a long time together—around 12 hours. However, I’ll include about two hours when she can do her own thing, such as shopping or visiting a day-use hot spring. There are also times during the journey when she’s on her phone or sleeping.

> I think about four hours is the longest I can manage for a date. Then I think that’s perfectly fine. Even if you knew how long other people spend together, it wouldn’t really matter—you’d still be at your limit once it goes beyond four hours. Would your limit change just because someone else said four hours was too short? The best approach is to enjoy yourself without pushing beyond what you’re comfortable with.

I don’t stay overnight unless the woman asks me to. There’s really nothing good about sleeping together. After about three hours, I start worrying about my breath and wake up to brush my teeth. Then I have to move around like a ninja so I don’t wake her up. Four hours is a long time for a date. I usually aim for two hours, or three at most. If she only wants an adult relationship (intimate) and then to leave, we sometimes part ways after just an hour. I tailor everything to what the woman wants. Even when a woman says she wants a long date, I start wondering, “Is that really what she wants? Is she just being considerate of me?” So unless she invites me, I don’t do long dates. Even when we stay overnight, I don’t expect anything in the morning unless she asks for it.

The fact that it’s becoming exhausting probably has to do with either your compatibility with the men you meet or your own personality, but it sounds like you’re barely enjoying it at all. To be honest, you don’t need to force yourself. You may simply not be suited to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). You could either find a way to enjoy papa-katsu, or look for another option that suits you better. > To Make-Do Guy > “Whether a woman experiences convulsive orgasms has more to do with her physical makeup than the man’s technique.” That’s true. Regardless of whether a woman experiences convulsive orgasms, most women have only experienced things up to the point of orgasm. So even with a woman who does have convulsive orgasms, if she has only ever stopped at the point where her legs start trembling, going beyond that into unfamiliar territory may allow her to experience the kind of full-body convulsions mentioned above—almost like an epileptic seizure—many more times. For women who don’t normally experience convulsive orgasms, it may mean reaching orgasm repeatedly and progressing into an unfamiliar stage. Sorry for going back to the previous question. I think To Make-Do Guy’s money-focused outlook is a fact of life, and many men and women probably think that way. Is To Make-Do Guy a handsome, highly popular guy? My view is the exact opposite, probably because I’m not handsome. “Cute girls aren’t looking for handsome men.” “Cute girls aren’t focused on money.” They have enough leeway not to be. “Girls who aren’t cute look for handsome men.” “Girls who aren’t cute are focused on money.” This becomes especially obvious in ordinary dating outside of clubs. Girls who aren’t cute only have eyes for handsome men, flocking around them as if someone like me isn’t even visible. So the fact that cute girls don’t chase after handsome men can actually work in your favor. I feel like if To Make-Do Guy could let go of some of his fixed ideas, he wouldn’t need to keep making offers either… Maybe try removing that mental brake, even just a little. I think there are relationships where two people can truly care for each other precisely because they’re connected through an allowance. They remain very level-headed, recognize each other’s value and importance, trust one another, and gradually deepen the relationship with the reassurance that it can continue indefinitely. That kind of love doesn’t necessarily have to end or be abruptly cut off—it can remain stable… Something like that, I suppose. Even if they haven’t met yet, if a woman feels they could meet a thousand or two thousand times, perhaps she begins to feel that they’re loving each other in that way—not quite romance and not quite love, but something different. Marriage also involves placing hope in an unseen future, after all. If the man is constantly on guard, or the woman senses that the relationship could be cut off at any time, then the relationship will probably remain only at that limited level. That does have its advantages, though. Because it’s a dating club, I believe it’s possible to have an actual relationship—not merely a relationship limited to an adult relationship (intimate). P.S. Regarding the length of dates: There’s absolutely no problem with having short dates. I think things work well because the man is fine with keeping the date short, while the woman is fine with spending longer together. If the man wanted a long date while the woman needed it to be short, the person on the other side probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. Dates might last one, two, or three hours, while on days when both people have plenty of time, they might last the entire day. On a trip, you might leave early, visit one place after another, eat your way around, and take in the sights until suddenly it’s late at night—far too late for an adult relationship. Then the next day is packed with even more places to go and things to do, and the whole trip flies by in a whirlwind… Whether it’s a trip or a regular date, I think the key is whether the woman has the initiative. If the man providing the allowance takes control, the date can turn into nothing more than time the woman endures while waiting to be released from the misery she feels—which sounds like exactly what you’re concerned about. Rather than being about playing games, I think one indication of whether someone is suited to this is whether they genuinely want to do what the other person wants. At the root of it, do you want to do what the other person wants? Is your personality such that you can find joy in doing so? If that’s not who you are, then no matter how well you behave, what reaches the other person may feel superficial. I worry that, for you as well, it will only become an accumulation of painful experiences.