I’m the person who posted the question below yesterday.
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Thank you all for your helpful replies. Based on the staff’s response, which said, “You may want to gently turn him down regarding any future relationship,” I’m planning to decline meeting him again. However, I’m still honestly worried about the photo issue. Would it be okay to tell him that directly? Of course, I realize I was at fault for agreeing to the photo, so I plan to apologize for that as well.
Would it be better to give him a harmless excuse, such as, “I’ve decided to focus on another papa”?
During our second date, the papa asked me to take a photo together while we were eating. Since he’s married, I was worried that he might post it online, so I explained my reasons and politely declined. After that, the server brought out a cake and encouraged us to take a photo. The papa also said again, “Come on, let’s take one,” and I felt too awkward to refuse, so I ended up doing it.
I don’t know whether the server was in on it, but in a situation like that, should I have refused more firmly? The papa had previously suffered from a mental illness—he told me after we took the photo—and I want to cut ties with him. But I’m scared because he has the photo.
I was wondering what to do, but then I thought—!
I don’t think you should overthink it. It’s nothing that serious.
Even if someone saw it, it’s not like it would turn into a crime or some kind of problem, right? lol
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Even if a photo of you having dinner gets posted, you could come up with any number of excuses.
You could say you were being celebrated by people from work, a customer, or friends you go drinking with.
Even if it were posted online, unless you have any real public profile, it probably wouldn’t spread. Unless you’re a celebrity, most people wouldn’t be interested anyway.
If you haven’t shared any personal information, I think it’s fine to just not make another arrangement and block them on LINE...
Of course, it’s a different story if they know personal details like where you work or live.
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I’m not the person you asked to answer, but I wanted to add one thing.
“I’ve managed to come up with the money” should be a perfectly good reason for turning him down.
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If you’re prepared to break things off, I think you could simply lay down one-sided terms like these:
- Taking photos together was stressful for me. (Explain why, if possible.)
- I want you to delete the photos.
- I’d like to continue seeing you, but only if you promise not to take any more photos in the future.
- I’m okay with a pretend romantic relationship, but I can’t have a serious relationship with you. You’re married, so there’s a risk your wife could sue me.
Tell him something along those lines. If your papa (a male supporter) cuts things off, then you can just end the relationship. But if he says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you disliked it that much. I promise I won’t take any more photos, so please continue seeing me,” then you could simply continue the relationship.
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Why do you feel the need to ask other people whether you’re allowed to do something?
The staff aren’t in a position to manage or supervise your actions beyond the club’s rules.
Personally, I think people who can’t make decisions without asking others are putting themselves in a vulnerable position and should avoid allowance-based relationships.
By “vulnerable,” I mean that if you can’t make decisions on your own, you won’t be able to improvise. Whenever something unexpected happens, as it has this time, you may end up with an outcome that goes against your wishes.
In fact, you’re asking because you don’t know exactly how to “part ways amicably,” aren’t you?
That’s why I think you should quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and end your relationship with that man as well.
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