During dinner on my second date with my papa (a male supporter), he asked if we could take a photo together. Since he’s married, I was worried he might post it online, so I politely declined and explained why. Later, the server brought out a cake and encouraged us to take a picture, and my papa said again, “Let’s take one.” I felt pressured by the situation and couldn’t refuse, so I ended up taking it.
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I don’t know whether the server was in on it, but should I have refused more firmly in a situation like this? My papa had a history of mental illness and confessed his feelings to me after we took the photo. I want to cut ties with him, but I’m scared because he has the picture.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I’m not quite sure what you mean by:
> “After that, the server brought out a cake and encouraged us to take a picture.”
Was it a birthday cake or an anniversary cake? If so, rather than the restaurant being in on it, it’s more likely that he chose that kind of place and told them it was for a special occasion.
> “In a situation like this, should I firmly refuse?”
Exactly. No server would take a picture after being firmly refused. That’s why they phrase it as, “May I take a picture?” or “Would you like to take a picture?”
> “I want to end things, but I’m scared because he has the picture.”
I think it would be better to let him down gently.
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I also hate having my picture taken, so I completely understand how you feel.
You should firmly refuse anything you’re uncomfortable with, and it’s best not to continue seeing someone who pressures you even after you’ve said no.
When a married man insists on taking pictures, it can be nothing but frightening from a woman’s perspective.
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I don’t really understand what it means to be “unable to refuse because of the atmosphere.” For example, I can understand not being able to refuse if someone pointed a loaded handgun at you and made a demand.
If you didn’t want to be filmed, couldn’t you have refused verbally, suddenly stood up, looked away, or run off? It’s because your words and actions were ambiguous that things ended up taking such an unpleasant turn.
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Are you a public figure who could get into trouble if photos of you dining at a restaurant with someone of the opposite sex were circulated?
If so, I think you should consult your agency.
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