We already have our next date set, but I haven’t gotten a reply on LINE for a week.
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We’ve met about five times so far, with an adult relationship, and she’s even come several times from a place about three hours away from the city. We used to message every day or two.
Looking back over my last messages, I noticed several things I wrote that weren’t very considerate of her perspective, so I’m worried I may have messed up. I feel bad, but I’m also wondering whether I should avoid sending a follow-up message, and I’m not sure what to do.
Could I, as someone inexperienced with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), be getting tested by her?
Would it be better not to send a follow-up and just leave things as they are? I’ve never sent one before.
I’d really appreciate answers from all you seasoned veterans.
I like her very much, but I try not to let that show in my LINE messages.
The allowance is 20, and she’s in her late twenties.
Thank you.
It’s hard to say based on the wording alone, since people generally only share information that favors them or focuses on what caught their attention. Still, I wonder whether someone might really stop responding over something like:
“I noticed several parts of your messages that showed little consideration for the other person’s position.”
If anything, it also seems possible that the woman had been putting up with things again and again, but then was told something “particularly awful” over LINE and finally reached the point of thinking, “I can’t do this anymore,” so she stopped responding.
If that’s the case, the only thing you can do now is apologize for saying or doing something truly hurtful.
If she still won’t respond after that, then she probably doesn’t want to see you anymore, and you’ll have no choice but to let it go.
Of course, there may be other reasons—she might have lost her phone and been unable to contact you, for example.
So I do think it’s worth holding out hope for that possibility.
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You’re not a child. If you feel bad about it, just apologize.
There’s no need to keep sending follow-up messages—it’s not a romantic relationship, after all. If you think you did something wrong, just say you’re sorry.
An allowance of 20 sounds a little dubious, though. If you can really pay that much, you’d be able to find another good woman pretty quickly even if you two broke things off. You’re in your 30s, right?
That said, I also feel like someone who could actually pay an allowance of 20 wouldn’t go out of their way to post here saying they pay 20…
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Basically, I agree with the other answers: an allowance of 20 twice a month comes to 40 per month.
In that case, messaging every day or two should be fine. If you meet less than once a month, though, it’s better to keep the LINE messages to a reasonable level.
That said, it may be okay to send a follow-up message if it’s about something that’s definitely beneficial to them, such as discussing the date itinerary or choosing a gift.
Still, if your next date is already scheduled, you’re better off avoiding unnecessary messages.
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I agree with Mac so strongly my head could practically fall off.
An older man’s affection feels like violence, and relationships are basically on trial for the first year—the longer they continue beyond the second year, the deeper they become, right?
In my case, new women really don’t stick around. That’s because my regular slots are already filled with women I’ve been seeing for more than three years.
You should absolutely stop sending follow-up messages. They do more harm than good—there’s not a single benefit.
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I was sure you were a woman as I read this, but are you actually a man?
So “in her late 20s” referred to the woman you’re seeing…
And J stands for “joshi” (girl), not “jijii” (old man)…
Normally, after meeting someone five times, it’s practically unheard of for the woman to suddenly break things off. If you’re feeling that anxious, there may be a serious issue on your end.
If your next date is already scheduled, there’s no need to worry at all until the day before or the day of. In fact, if your anxiety comes through when you’re confirming the plans, that could make her wary and become a reason for her not to want to see you.
People want to be trusted. They want to feel needed and reassured, and they don’t want others to feel anxious about them. If they feel they aren’t trusted, it only makes them feel worse.
When it comes to relationships between men and women, it’s important to trust the other person and keep trusting them, even if you have to do so knowing it might not work out. If you approach things with that mindset, I think she’ll be happy.
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