I met a man for the first time through Universe. After having tea at a hotel lounge café, I told him I was okay with an adult relationship (intimate). He then said, “In that case, let’s grab something to eat and then head to a place. Didn’t you decide where we should eat?”
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I had assumed the man would make the reservation, but is it normal for things to work that way sometimes? We ended up going to a family restaurant that day, and I received my allowance without any issues, so I didn’t really mind anything else about the date. I’m just genuinely curious.
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> Could that happen?
There are all kinds of people out there, so I suppose it’s possible.
I can imagine someone asking something like, “What would you like to eat?” But I’ve never heard of anyone asking, “Didn’t you decide where we’re going to eat?” So I’d say that’s quite a rare case.
On the other hand, if you end up seeing each other regularly, you could say things like, “I’d like to try this restaurant next time,” which could be kind of fun in its own way.
(Though if he complains that it’s too expensive, then he’d just turn out to be cheap.)
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If you’re meeting at a café, they could’ve just done café → room. What a strange setup—what a poorly organized papa.
Or they could’ve arranged it as restaurant → room, lol.
Or, instead of going to a family restaurant that day, they could’ve just eaten at the hotel restaurant.
(Wait, was the café not inside the hotel?)
If that’s the only thing you’re unhappy about and you think you can continue seeing him, why not reserve a restaurant you want to try from next time?
“I want to go here next time, so I made a reservation♡”
That way, you get to eat what you want, so it’s kind of lucky, right? Better than being made to eat something weird—you get to enjoy exactly what you wanted.
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I feel like it’s pretty uncommon to let the woman choose the restaurant for the first meeting.
In my case, I always meet at the lobby of a city hotel for the first meeting and make a reservation at one of the restaurants inside the hotel.
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If I were a woman, none of this would bother me. People have all kinds of ways of thinking, just as they have different preferences.
There’s certainly no stereotype about how papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is “supposed” to be. If I were a woman, I’d simply think, “So that’s the kind of person he is,” and next time I’d be proactive and ask, “Would it be okay if we went to this restaurant?” Then I’d make the reservation myself.
The question doesn’t mention the woman’s age, but I think women in their late twenties and older tend to view the restaurant they’re taken to as part of how highly they’re valued. If it’s somewhere like a family restaurant, they may feel they’re being looked down on.
On the other hand, women around twenty may have severe dietary restrictions, be on a diet, or even struggle with bingeing and purging. In that case, a family restaurant can actually be reassuring because they can eat whatever they like, in whatever amount they want.
Besides, some men feel more relaxed and able to be intimate after eating, while many women don’t want to eat beforehand because they don’t want their stomachs to look bloated.
And since they use a hotel lounge for tea, you can’t necessarily call him cheap. If she’s satisfied with the allowance too, then the questioner should recognize that being hung up on the restaurant reflects a narrow-mindedness on her part—though it’s probably just a lack of experience and can be corrected.
That said, meeting all kinds of people is part of what makes dating interesting.
For the questioner’s sake, I came up with this saying: “There is no one right way to do papa-katsu.” Someone previously asked how it differs from prostitution, but I think this high degree of freedom is one of its appealing aspects.
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It’s almost enough to make you think, “Can something like that really happen…?”
But then again, this might be a genuinely serious question for once…
The fact that he checks first thing whether an adult relationship is okay suggests he may be an extremely rational, transactional type—and quite possibly cheap as well.
Some people are perfectly happy with family restaurants or whatever, while others feel they’re missing out in life by settling for that. As long as your values match, I think that’s all that matters.
If a woman started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) because she needs money, I think it’s extremely rare for her to be particular about the food.
As for me, I take women to places they’ll enjoy based on their preferences—from fast-food restaurants, family restaurants, and casual izakayas to restaurants where they can really savor a meal. I believe it’s enjoyable because we go to places they normally visit, or places they’ve wanted to try but haven’t been able to. Depending on the restaurant, the price can vary by more than twentyfold, yet sometimes even a ¥1,000 noodle dish can be enjoyable.
What they all have in common is that women ranging from those who are happy with convenience stores or family restaurants to those who regularly go to high-end restaurants on their own are all very popular. Well, I suppose that makes sense…
No matter where you go—or whatever you do, whether it’s karaoke, golf, or something else—I think both people can genuinely enjoy themselves when they do things the woman normally does for fun and pays for herself.
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If the meal is inexpensive, I add the difference to the allowance, so I’ve never made a reservation for a first-meeting meal.
I usually have a few options in mind and discuss the woman’s preferences over coffee. If she’s particular about what she eats, I’ll sometimes pick up a salad bowl and take it to the hotel.
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That’s just an excuse from a stingy man trying to save money on an expensive restaurant.
I’ve never heard of a man asking a woman where she wants to eat right from the first meeting.
If he wasn’t going to make a reservation that day, he should’ve asked from the start, “Would a family restaurant be okay?” Or he might as well skip the café and go straight to a hotel.
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